


Death is Not The End

by Im_still_waiting_for_the_rain_to_fall, queergirlElle



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Death of Supergirl, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2020-02-16 01:33:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 74,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18681439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_still_waiting_for_the_rain_to_fall/pseuds/Im_still_waiting_for_the_rain_to_fall, https://archiveofourown.org/users/queergirlElle/pseuds/queergirlElle
Summary: When Supergirl is killed fighting to save National City, Alex struggles to cope with the death of her sister.Spiralling under the weight of her grief, she pushes everyone away and retreats to a dark placeLena, having discovered her best friends true identity too late, is no stranger to dark places, turns out to be the one person able to reach through the void and connect with Alex.(Set around season 3-ish. Follows canon mainly but not too closely as it just gets in the way!)Heavy going to start as I do indeed kill our favourite Kryptonian (I cried while writing this so please don't hate me, I simply wrote it as the story wouldn't leave my head) but, as the title states, death is NOT the endAgentcorp endgame.





	1. 1

“KARA!!!!!”

****

Within the myriad of ways Lena had pictured herself finally discovering Supergirl's true identity, never, in her  _ wildest _ dreams, had she ever imagined it happening by virtue of  listening to Alex Danver's scream, in a tone she can only describe as absolute and total broken-heartedness, her sisters name from three paces away, as they watch the alien invader plunge a Kryptonite spear straight into Supergirl's chest. 

****

The two pieces of monumental information; that her best friend in the world is really Supergirl, and that Supergirl has just be killed in front of her eyes, clash so violently within her that Lena doesn't know how to process the overload of emotion that washes through her, and she feels frozen in place.

****

Seeing Alex collapse to the floor, as if every muscle in her body has suddenly stopped working, into a hysterical mess of tears, Lena feels grief flow through her like lava. It is so hot and thick that it threatens to drown her in it, but then anger; so cold that it makes her shiver, washes over her, and stems the tide before she can go under. 

****

Around her there is still chaos. 

****

J'onn, badly injured from his attempts to fight the Beast, is doing his best to comfort Alex, while Brainy is unconscious, having been short circuited trying to overload the Beasts neural pathways. James, barely able to stand after being caught in a building collapse trying to free victims from an earlier fall, is trying to help people away from the affected area. The police, army, and DEO forces are trying to keep an exclusion zone around  the invader set up, while the Beast itself rampages through National City, Kara's body dangling from it's hand like a forgotten hanky. 

****

The sight makes Lena feel angrier than she's ever felt in her life and, without thinking, she marches straight towards it. Shrugging off the hands that try to hold her back, she doesn't care if she hurts James' feelings in the process. 

****

As she strides towards the huge creature an idea pops into Lena's head, and her fingers are suddenly busy on her watch, tapping out a series of commands that will ensure that her last stand honours her friend as much as she can. 

****

Once she arrives as close to it as she can get without being stomped on she stops and raises her chin defiantly. “Give her to me”. 

****

The Beast, fourteen stories tall and seemingly impervious to all Kara could throw at it, looks down at Lena contemptuously. “You dare to demand from your God?”

****

“You are no God”. Lena's voice is so cold it could cut glass. “You are just another pathetic creature intent on destroying the good in this world instead of protecting it. The only person on this planet that was ever worthy of that title would never accept it, and you just murdered her. So you will give her to me, or you will DIE!”

****

Lena is shaking by the end of her sentence, her rage at seeing Kara hanging from it's fist, so broken and lifeless when she had always been so strong and vibrant almost bringing her to her knees, and she feels her eyes fill with tears at the sight.  

****

A booming laugh causes Lena to tear her eyes away from Kara and look up, only to find a  condescending look on the Beasts face. “You are brave, little one, I will give you credit for that. No other human has dared to face me, preferring to hide behind this....hero-” he waves Kara's body around like rag-doll “-yet I cannot take your threats seriously when even she was not enough to stop me”. 

****

The sight of Kara being manhandled is the last straw for Lena, and she gives him an icy glare as her jaw sets with determination. “Remember, I asked first”.  

****

She then presses her watch again, initiating the last part of the sequence, before folding her arms over her chest. 

****

The Beast stares at her like she has lost her mind, then laughs heartily. “You are funny, human. Now you are dead”. 

****

Beginning to lift his right leg, with the intention of squashing her into the side-walk, he suddenly stops dead. Frowning in confusion, not understanding why but knowing that something is not right, he looks down at the tiny human in front of him. 

****

“What have you done to me?”

****

“Surely a God can work it out”. Lifting her right eyebrow while keeping the rest of her expression neutral, inside Lena is grinning cruelly.

****

“AHH!” 

****

The Beast buckles at the waist as pain tears through his insides, and he instinctively flexes his fingers in reaction. 

****

Kara's body, no longer supported, falls instantly from his grasp. Having anticipated this, Lena sprints over to the spot she knows it will land and uses her own body as a barrier between Kara's and the ground. The impact is harsh, knocking Lena clean off her feet and dislocating her shoulder in the process, but reduces the damage done to Kara dramatically. 

****

The sounds of the Beast retreating, crashing haphazardly through the city as he heads back to the ocean to hide, register faintly to Lena; but she doesn't care as her attention is captured by the sight of her best friend laying in her arms. Kara has cuts and contusions across her face from her fight, and blood seeps from a cut on her lip, but to Lena she still looks as if she could be sleeping. 

****

With the Beast gone Lena knows she only has a few moments before everyone will be here, so uses them to say goodbye to her best friend privately. With a shaky hand she smooths down strands of Kara's hair, though had always associated them with 'Supergirl' rather than Kara before. 

****

“I guess you weren't as bad a liar as I always thought you were”. Letting out a hiccupy laugh as tears bubble up in her eyes, Lena realises what a fool she'd been to not see who her best friend truly was.

****

Her gaze then lowers to the crest covering Kara's chest, the House of El symbol that Supergirl had once told her stood for Hope, and Lena realises that Kara had been  _ her _ hope. From the moment the bubbly blonde had entered her life Lena had found a patch of sunlight in an other wise dark and forbidding world, helping to remind her that she was more that just the blood in her veins. 

****

But now that light had been taken from her. 

****

Burying her head into Kara's chest tears pour down her cheeks, Lena weeps hard. Her cries of anguish are loud and unashamed as she mourns the loss of the one true friend she had been lucky enough to find in all her years on this Earth, completely unaware of the member of the public that is taking pictures of her in her moment of grief. 

****

        ****

****

There are three funerals.

****

National City holds one for Supergirl. 

Midvale holds one for Kara Danvers. 

And Argo City holds one for Kara Zor-El. 

****

Alex ignores the one in National City. 

She drinks her way through the one in Midvale. 

And the one on Argo City she falls apart in midway through. 

****

Lena attends all three funerals even though two of the caskets are empty, so understands why Alex bailed on the first and passes out drunk after the second. 

****

She is a wreck after each one, so can only imagine what they are doing to Alex, because she doesn't even have to deal with all the well meaning mourners that keep coming up to her with their tales of woe about their own feelings of grief, or have to be her own AND Kara's mom's support system. 

****

Standing next to Winn and Sam as the traditional Kryptonian burial rites are given, Lena once again feels the guilt lay heavy on her heart that she hadn't thought of her nanite technology earlier in the fight against the Beast. 

****

She wishes to Heaven and back that she'd been smart enough to save her best friends life, because even though the Beast had been impervious to all external attacks, it had only been as Lena had marched down to retrieve her friends body in a fit of do or die mentality that she'd suddenly wondered if he could be attacked from the  _ inside _ . 

****

The only thing small enough to penetrate the thick amour covering his body had been nanites, which Lena had programmed to search for any biological openings and infiltrate, using her watch. 

****

It had been a total Hail Mary, and had only worked as a distraction for a day and a half, but it had been long enough for Alex to round up Kara's super-friends from Earth One. 

****

They had all rallied around, and worked together to take the Beast down in Kara's honour. 

****

“Do any of Kara's human family wish to say a few words?” 

****

Drawn from her thoughts when she sees Alex, or the shell of what used to be Alex, move to the podium the Kryptonian Priest has just vacated,  Lena's heart aches at the toll this has taken on the stalwart young woman. The ill fitting clothes and dark circles under the young woman's eyes speak of a troubled soul, and Alex's hands visibly shake as she lifts a piece of paper to rest on the podium.

****

When she speaks, her voice is so frail that Lena can scarcely believe it is the same woman she watched go so fearlessly toe-to-toe with a Worldkiller not so long ago. “Kara meant a lot of different things to different people, but to me she was always my.....she was always my sister first”. 

****

The last part of the sentence is virtually a whisper, as tears have started streaming down Alex's face in earnest, and she is shaking so much Lena fears she may collapse at any moment. 

****

Looking around to see if someone is going to step in, Lena's finds everyone seems too transfixed by their own grief to realize the extent of Alex's . 

****

“Oh for the love of....” Muttering under her breath, Lena gives Winn a sharp look and a curt “Move”, which he jumps to obey, then marches straight up to the podium. 

****

Without thinking about it she immediately wraps her arms around Alex, lending the weakening woman her strength, and Alex dissolves into her embrace instantly. Feeling the distraught woman bury her face into her neck, the collar of her shirt dampening with tears as Alex starts to come undone in her arms, Lena takes a moment to stroke gentle hands across Alex's back. 

****

Not caring in the least that they are in full view of the whole congregation, Lena quietly croons reassuring words into Alex's ear as she holds her secure. 

****

Once she feels Alex start to calm, the shudders running through her body beginning to lessen, Lena whispers a question, to which she receives a small nod in reply. Rubbing her hand over Alex's back encouragingly, Lena offers a warm smile when Alex lifts her head to meet her gaze. The height advantage that Lena's heels give her mean that Alex is the shorter of the two today, and the redhead has to arch her neck slightly to gaze up at her, but Lena dips her head down to ensure that their conversation remains private as she whispers something else. 

****

The question makes Alex glance at the podium, to where her speech lay, and she draws her bottom lip up to worry between her teeth as her eyes start to fill with tears again. 

****

Feeling the shift in her body as Alex tenses again, Lena knows that it is too much for her. “Would you like me to?”

****

Watery brown orbs turning to her in surprise, Alex's brows knit together in a look that in any other circumstance Lena might think was adorable. “You would do that for me?”

****

In answer, Lena simply gives Alex a soft smile, the one that used to be reserved for Kara alone, and reaches for the speech. 

****

“Kara meant a lot of different things to different people, but to me she was always my sister first. Over the years we had our ups and downs, like any siblings, but I knew that no matter what Kara  _ always _ had my back, just like I always had hers”. 

****

Feeling Alex press back into her shoulder as she reads aloud, Lena knows she has begun to cry once again, and she uses the arm wrapped around Alex's waist to hold her secure against her body as she continues. 

****

“Watching her grow into her powers as Supergirl was an amazing experience, but watching the world grow to love her as Kara Danvers was even better one. She always strove to do more, be better, and was so terribly hard on herself when she felt she'd let people down”. 

****

Having to pause for a moment, as the powerful words Alex has written, coupled with the feeling of the woman herself clawing at her back in desperate despair, are straining even her infamous Luthor reserve of stoic detachment, Lena drops her head to whisper a few words to Alex. Feeling the nails digging into her back retract slightly, she then takes a deep breath before continuing. 

****

“Kara wasn't from my planet, but she showed us all how to be the best type of human. May Rao's light shine on her for all Eternity”.

****

As the congregation echoes the final sentence, a sweet touch Lena knows Kara would be honoured Alex had added, she carefully leads the shaking woman out of the religious chamber and away from everyone. 

****

   ****

****

Five weeks go by before Lena speaks to Alex again. 

****

Now a full time consultant for the DEO, Lena  _ sees _ Alex plenty after the funeral, but the Director  maintains she's always too busy to stop and actually talk. 

****

Don't take it personally, she's told. Alex has pretty much cut everyone out of her life since Kara died.

****

Winn tells her this one day when he stops by to drop off an upgrade to one of the gizmo's he has patented and sold to the DEO. In his flashy suits and $100,000 car, he is now giving Maxwell Lord a run for his money. No longer working for the DEO, his inventions aren't proprietary owned by the Government, and he is able to charge every time his genius comes up with something they want.  

****

He tells Lena that everyone had tried to reason with Alex, to know avail, and even Maggie had gone over to her apartment to try.

****

Lowering his voice, like he is imparting scandalous gossip over the office water cooler, he'd practically whispered that all Alex had done was pin Maggie to the wall, angry fuck her, then kick her out the door before the night was over. 

****

Lena had scoffed at him, not wanting to believe it, but Winn had confessed that J'onn knew it for a fact as he had resorted to reading Alex's mind when she refused to talk to him any more. 

****

“She does her job fine. She stays professional as a way to honour Kara, I think”. A cloud had passed over Winn's face at the mention of her name. “But as soon as she's off duty all she does is go to the dive-bar over on Fifth and drink”. 

****

It's a coping method. Lena recognizes it as she had employed one very similar to it for a long time after Lex was arrested, and she doesn't judge Alex for it. She does, however, know that it isn't a very good one. 

****

She would tell her so, but Alex doesn't want anything more to do with her. Not after the way they left things at the funeral. 

****

However, the choice of whether to see Alex or not is taken out of her hands two days later when she gets a call from James, who she hasn't heard from since she broke up him with over a month ago, asking if she had seen Alex. 

****

“Alex and I are hardly friends, so why are you asking me?”

****

“Yeah, well it sure didn't look like that at the funeral”. The jibe in James' reply is exactly why Lena had ended their relationship. 

****

Every since that day, he had made comments about their 'closeness' and 'connection'. Eventually, his constant, groundless, jealously about Lena providing comfort to Alex in her moment of need had driven her to the point where she had walked out of his apartment and hadn't bothered to return. 

****

“Is there a point to you call or am I going to hang up now?”

****

The sharpness in her voice stings, even through the cordless phone, and James grits his teeth against it. “J'onn is worried. Alex didn't report into work yesterday or today. So we're calling everyone she knows hoping to find her”. 

****

“She's not with me”. 

****

The dial-tone ringing in his ear informs James that Lena has ended the call, and he shakes his head as he ends the connection his end. 

****

The second she cut the call Lena jumps out of her seat, heading for the door. “Cancel all my appointments”.

****

“For how long, Miss Luthor?” Her assistant stares at her retreating form with wide eyes. 

****

“Until you hear otherwise”. 

****

  ****

****

The click of the beer bottle on the metal roof as Alex sets it down is the only tell-tale noise. 

****

Otherwise the night is silent, with only the whisper of the wind every now and again as it passes to tickle the short hair on the back of her neck disturbing the contemplative woman. 

****

With eyes raised to the skies, Alex feels more at peace then she has done in weeks. Since......that day, but there is still a huge disquiet in her that she doesn't know if she will ever be able to quell. 

****

“I wish you were, Kar”. 

****

Her words float on the wind like a wish, ephemeral and translucent, but barely a moment later Alex hears a twig snap in close proximity that signals someone is nearby. 

****

Body stilling like a stone, she scans the forest clearing as she strains her eyes against the dark to try and make out where the noise came from. From her position on top of the Observatory she knows she could be a target, though her dark clothes will help her blend in, and the gun strapped to her thigh will help even the odds should whomever be out here be looking to do her harm. 

****

There is another twig snap, which allows Alex to get a bead on her targets location, but just as she is about to draw her weapon the figure mutters something that stops her in her tracks. “Damn it Danvers, you better be out here”. 

****

Hand sliding away from the gun, Alex remains tense as she calls out. “Go home, Luthor”. 

****

“Alex?” The sound of stumbling, and multiple twigs snapping, sound as Lena comes tumbling out of the forest. 

****

The sight of C.E.O Lena Luthor wearing hiking boots, denim shorts, a red flannel shirt, and a backpack is almost enough to make Alex laugh. It is such a far cry from the pencil skirts and power suits she is used to associating with the business woman that it does inspire a small smile, especially when she takes in the normally unflappable woman's mussed hair. 

****

“Call your car. They''ll pick you up and get you back to the city safely”. 

****

“I left my phone at the office”. Tilting her head as she tries to pinpoint where Alex's voice is coming from, Lena purses her lips. “I assumed from your disappearing act that you didn't want your friends to find you, so my coming to you with a GPS tracker in my pocket wouldn't really be fair of me now would it”. 

****

The thoughtfulness stuns Alex into silence for a moment, and she frowns down at the perplexing woman. “So why are  _ you _ here?”

****

“I was worried about you”. 

****

“How are you here?”

****

“A wing and a prayer really”. Lena chuckles wryly. “I haven't done orienteering since prep school”. 

****

“I mean how do you know about this place?”  _ No one _ knows about this place except....”

****

“Kara”. Saying the name that Alex can't, Lena hears the gasp of surprise it causes. 

****

“She told you?”

****

“She told me a great many things”. Lena finally manages to spot Alex, disguised amongst the shadows, sitting atop the Observatory. “Are you ready to come down, or can I come up?”

****

“The view is better from up here”. 

****

Uncovering the ladder that leads up to the roof of the Observatory without hassle, Lena soon finds herself staring at the ground fifty feet below. When a wave of vertigo washes through her, she has to grip the edge of the ladder tight as she feels her stomach start to churn and roll. 

****

“What's the matter, Luthor? Too high for you?” 

****

Taking several deep breathes, trying to regulate her breathing so that she doesn't vomit, Lena hears the sarcasm in Alex's voice, but nods anyway. “Little bit”. 

****

“You're kidding, right?” 

****

Staring at Lena in shock, Alex finally notices the death grip she has on the ladder and how pale she's gone. Rising quickly, she walks the few paces needed to close the distance between them, and places a secure hand onto Lena's waist when she does. “It's okay. I've got you now”. 

****

The words, an echo of the ones she had said to Alex when she'd wrapped her arms around her at Kara's funeral, cause Lena to open her eyes in surprise. Panicked green meet wary brown, seeing the questions in each held behind doors neither are yet ready to open, so instead Alex indicates for Lena to place her hand on her arm. “Hold on to me and we'll go across together”. 

****

Flashing her a grateful smile, Lena swaps her death grip on the ladder for clinging onto Alex's shoulders, and the pair walk back over to the centre of the dome. Once sitting Lena manages to recover her composure quickly, and apologizes for freaking out. 

****

“I don't get it”. Waving off the apology, Alex frowns in confusion. “L-Corp is a literal skyscraper, from what I've heard your apartment is up in the clouds, and you regularly use a helicopter or private jet to travel. This should be nothing in comparison”. 

****

“Ever since I could remember, I've been terrified of heights”. Looking down at her lap instead of at Alex as if admitting this secret is painful, Lena's voice is small as she talks. “It used to define me, and I let it rule every choice I made for a long time. Eventually though I realised something. Something that changed my life”. 

****

“What did you realize?”

****

“I realized that the fears we don't face become our limits”. Looking up, Lena gazes straight into Alex's eyes. “So I force myself to spend my days working in the top floor of a skyscraper, my nights in an apartment on the twenty third floor, and travel in planes that I loathe. Simply to ensure I never reach my limits”. 

****

“That.....That takes a lot of courage”. Alex lifts her bottle of beer to her lips and takes a mouthful, slightly astounded at the revelation. 

****

Without being offered Lena takes one of the unopened bottles and twists the lid off, swigs a healthy mouthful of the contents, then wipes the extra suds from her top lip. “I guess I don't seem to have a lot of it left at the moment. Hence my......moment”. 

****

“You have way more left than I do”. 

****

The seemingly offhand comment makes Lena feel sad. “I don't believe that”. 

****

“It's true. Why else am I hiding in the woods?”

****

“You're not hiding. You're seeking”. 

****

The words are enough to halt the trajectory of Alex's bottle, and instead of taking the mouthful of alcohol she'd been planning on, her head swings to look at Lena curiously instead. “Explain”. 

****

“This is where the pair of you came, year after year, so Kara could feel closer to her parents. This spot is the closest Krypton would have been to Earth as it passed through the solar system, had it still been there of course”. Speaking softly, Lena knows Alex is already aware of this information, but maybe just hasn't worked out the reason that it is why she is here now. “You miss Kara, and even though her body resides on Argo, this is where you feel closest to her spirit. You came here seeking the connection you miss”. 

****

Astonishment shines clear in Alex's gaze, and her mouth opens and closes several times before she is able to speak. “You...you didn't even know she was Supergirl until after she......How?”

****

“Kara once told me she came here to feel closer to her parents, though she said it was because they were scientists who had used this Observatory a number of times. After I found out she was Supergirl it wasn't hard to work out why she really came here”. Shrugging as if it was the simplest explanation in the world, Lena levels Alex with soft eyes. “She also said she was always at her most fragile on those days, and it was you who kept her strong”. 

****

There is such a look of pure vulnerability on Alex's face that Lena aches to reach out and wrap her up in her arms, like she had that day on Argo, but instead she turns her eyes upwards towards the stars. 

****

“I'm sorry”. 

****

“Grief doesn't require an apology Alex.....”

****

“I'm sorry for trying to kiss you”. 

****

That stops Lena in her tracks, because after so much time had passed since  then, that she didn't think Alex was ever going to acknowledge the awkwardness that happened after they'd gone outside at Kara's funeral. 

****

“”Your apology is accepted”. 

****

“Is it?”

****

“I just said it is, didn't I?”

****

“Why won't you look at me then?”

****

Swallowing the lump in her throat and trying to summon some of her legendary Luthor ice queen façade, Lena attempts to steel herself before turning to face the one subject she was not prepared to handle tonight. 

****

“You acted impulsively, while dealing with the grief of losing your sister . You tried to seek a moment of comfort from the nearest source, and I understand your actions. I do not blame you in any way. You need not feel any guilt over it”. 

****

“Really?” There is an edge to Alex's voice as the shame of her trespass crawls through her. “Because the almighty slap you gave me kinda indicated otherwise”. 

****

“I do not take violations of my person lightly”. Seeing a shadow pass across Lena's eyes, Alex can that she is not the first person to cross Lena's boundaries without permission. “Make sure I  _ want _ to be kissed before trying something like that”. 

****

“I'll never lay my hands on you again, I can promise you that”. Disgust at herself has Alex slumping back and draining the last of her beer. “Hell, I can't even get the woman that wanted to marry me to touch me these days”. 

****

“That's not exactly what I meant....” The end of Alex's sentence distracts Lena from her own words. “What do you mean? I thought you and Maggie had sex recently?”

****

“How the fuck would you know that?” 

****

Feeling herself blush under Alex's intense stare, not having meant to voice her thought out loud, Lena stammers. “Well..I..err....you see...”. 

****

Finding herself going to pieces as she tries to find a way to explain, without saying the actual words “Winn told me J'onn read your mind and saw you and Maggie hate fucking”, Lena is saved the task when Alex lets out chuckle. 

****

“J'onn wouldn't have said it, not to you as you don't have that kind of relationship, and I'm going assume James is a hard no, so by process of elimination I'm thinking Winn?”

****

Letting out relieved sigh, happy to be off the hook, Lena nods. Then frowns as she still doesn't understand. “Winn said J'onn read you mind and saw you and Maggie...together, but then you guys fought and you kicked her out. Yet you're saying that  _ didn't _ happen?”

****

Reaching for a new bottle, Alex opens it and drains a quarter of it in one go. “Maggie came over sure, but she told me a few homes truths-” curling the index and middle fingers of each hand into speech bubble shapes, Alex pulls a face that indicates they weren't ones she wanted to hear “-then when I tried to kiss her _ , _ she pushed me off and left. Leaving me on the floor, crying my heart out and begging her to stay”. 

****

Lena's heart aches for how broken Alex sounds, wishing she could fix her, but knows that the normally feisty woman is the only one that can do that for herself. 

****

“It sounds like you're making a habit of trying to kiss women without their consent, Agent Danvers. Think you should maybe work on that?” 

****

The unexpected response forces a chuckle to bubble out of Alex, and she tips her bottle towards Lena in salute. “Touche”. 

****

“You planted the fake thought in your head when J'onn came to see you because you didn't want him to see what really happened. Why?” 

****

Alex lets out a heavy sigh. “Because even though I'm still pathetic and lonely in either one, at least its by my choice in the fake version”. 

****

“You're not pathetic”. Lena's voice is soft as she speaks. “And you're only lonely because you're choosing to isolate yourself. There are plenty of people that are worried about you, right this minute, who would love to spend time with you if you let them”. 

****

Quiet as she stares out into the vastness before her, Alex's mind is churning as she struggles to process everything she is feeling. 

****

“I'd like to show you something, if you don't mind?”

****

Glancing over to find Lena holding a tablet, Alex gives her a questioning look. “What is it?”

****

“Something Kara had been working on for your birthday”.  

****

The stab of pain she feels at the knowledge that Kara will not be there to wake her up on her birthday this year, bouncing about on her bed with a glowing smile and candle jabbed into a cupcake,  the same way she had every year for over ten years, is like a sharp knife sliding between her ribs just below her left lung. 

****

It hits her hard, and Alex has to suck in a deep breath of air as she clutches at her chest in shock.

****

Lena is by her side in an instant, one hand pressed over Alex's to hold her steady, and the other against her cheek, gently cupping the side of her face. “It's okay, Alex. You're okay. I got you. Just breath”. 

****

The pain is gone almost as quickly as it came, but leaves Alex slightly shaky at the intensity of it. She lets out a slow breath, feeling her equilibrium begin to return, then looks up at Lena kneeling beside her. 

****

Giving her a small smile, Alex feels grateful for her support. “Thanks for coming to my rescue. Again”. 

****

“Anytime, Director Danvers”. 

****

Lena knows she retreats behind Alex's formal title whenever her feelings for her best friends sister start to become more confusing than she can deal with, something that is happening more and more often as of late, but can't stop herself from stroking her thumb across the soft skin of Alex's cheek. The impulsive action causes Alex to go very still, her eyes turning almost mahogany with whatever thoughts swirl within them, and Lena sees them drop to linger on her lips for several long seconds. 

****

Aware that she is in very real danger of having to slap Alex again, something she desperately doesn't want to do, Lena forces herself to pull away with a quick “Sorry, you had a little dust or something on you there” as a explanation for her otherwise unexplainable gesture. Turning, she retrieving the tablet she had dropped in her haste to get to Alex.

****

Blinking a few times, as if coming out of a daze, Alex nods mutely and accepts Lena's excuse without comment. She watches as Lena sits down next to her, leaving a slight gap so that their bodies are not actually touching, and switches the tablet on. 

****

Aware that she should look away while Lena types in her password but curious as to whether she would be asked to, Alex remains looking, then finds herself confused when she realizes she recognizes it. “Your password is Streaky?”

****

“Kara's password was Streaky”. Lena looks up at Alex. “When she came up with her idea for your present she asked me to be the keeper of it because she knew you'd never find out about it as we weren't friends”. 

****

“Yes we were”. 

****

“Give me one instance where we spent time together, just the two of us-” as Alex goes to respond, Lena clarifies “-that didn't involve looking for a cure for Sam or babysitting Ruby”.

****

Alex goes to argue  the point, but Lena shakes her head gently. “It's okay that were weren't. You were my best friends big sister, an acquaintance that helped save my friends life, and a member of an organization that helped saved the world. I couldn't expect you to be more”. 

****

“Are we friends now?” The news that they hadn't been friends, which probably shouldn't be such a huge surprise to her, bothers Alex more than she likes. 

****

“We're.......on the road to it”. 

****

Lena feels a warm glow at the knowledge that Alex wants to be her friend, and tries to ignore the part of her that secretly hopes for more. Instead she clicks the button on the tablet to bring up the folder that contains all the video files Kara had been creating before she'd passed away, then hands it over to Alex. 

****

“Before you pass judgement on just how pathetic and alone you are, maybe you should see yourself through the eyes of those that care about you the most”. 

****

The files are simply labelled in number order, so Alex starts at the top and clicks on number one.

****

J'onn, in his Hank form, appears on screen, and Alex immediately feels guilt suffuse her at the way she'd treated him the last time they'd spoken. The background of the video shows they are in Lena's office, a place Alex would never have been able to enter without prior permission (unless she had a warrant, which Kara would obviously know about in advance) so would never accidentally stumble across them filming. 

****

“What can I say about Alex Danvers?” 

****

Eyes sparkling as he looks into the camera, J'onn's proud Papa-bear grin lights up his face. “Not only is she the best Agent I have ever worked with, but she is also the sweetest, kindest, and most loving daughter a father could ever ask for. Alex always puts everyone else before herself, and never hesitates to risk her own life when there is someone in trouble. She is a brave warrior, and a true hero”.

****

The words makes Alex cry softly, her heart aching with longing to hug her surrogate father and tell him how sorry she is for all the mean things she'd said to him two days ago. 

****

The next is Winn, his goofy grin beaming out at Alex through the screen. 

****

“Alex.....Whew! Alex got me to tell her who Guardian was in about three seconds by throwing me up against a wall and warning me that she knew six different,  _ very _ painful, ways of getting me to talk.....” He rubs the back of his neck and bursts into a fit of giggles, then gestures towards the screen. “...sorry James”. 

****

Despite the tears quietly creeping down her cheeks Alex can't help laughing too, remembering how pissed she'd been at Winn at the time, though had loved recounting the story to Kara later. 

****

She clicks through them all, surprised at the sheer volume, and finds that it is because Kara had gone to the effort of universe hopping for it. 

****

“Alex Danvers? Yeah I know her”. 

****

The knowing smirk of Sara Lance has Alex suddenly squirming where she sits, uncomfortable about what she might reveal about their time together. 

****

“Our time together was brief, but from it I discovered that she can handle her scotch like a pro, kick Nazi ass even in skirt and heels, but isn't so great in the mornings”.  

****

Sara's smile turns genuine now, and the way she is looking directly into the camera, to Alex, feels like she is looking directly at her. 

****

“More importantly, I learned that not only is Alex kind, loyal and courageous, but she is dedicated to the ones she loves with a passion and bravery that most can only envy. I would be proud to call Alex Danvers a Legend, and there is a spot on my ship available for her any time she wants it”. 

****

Sara's clip leave Alex slightly stunned; the Time Captains glowing words, and job offer, more than she had ever expected, and she shakes her head in disbelief. 

****

“My impression of Sara was it would be more than a spot on her ship that would be available to you, should you want it”. Lena tries and, mostly, succeeds in keeping the jealous tone out of her voice. 

****

“Oh, umm...”. Running a hand through her hair, Alex rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. “....we kinda had a drunken one night stand when I went to Earth One for The Flash's wedding”. 

****

“Ah, so  _ that's _ the lucky girl”. 

****

At Alex's questioning look Lena elaborates. 

****

“Kara used to tell me as much about her life as she could, but obviously she had to change a number of things given that I didn't know that she was Supergirl. She told me about your drunken encounter, but said it was a woman she didn't know, and I had always wondered who had been the one to catch your eye that evening”. 

****

“You thought about it? Me?” 

****

“For someone watching a series of videos where people are saying extraordinarily nice things about them, you still seem to have a rather low opinion of yourself Director Danvers. Why do you think that is?” Raising an eyebrow questioningly, Lena tries not to let herself be affected by the way Alex seems genuinely baffled as to why she might ever think about her. 

****

“Well they kinda had to, Kara told them to say nice stuff”. Alex lets out a small chuckle. “You don't exactly say no to the Girl of Steel”. 

****

“So that's the only reason, because Kara told them to?”

****

“She wanted to make me happy”. 

****

“Shall we find out what the girl herself thought of you then?” 

****

Before Alex can answer Lena plucks the ipad out of her hands, scrolls down to the last number, and clicks play. 

****

“I have THE best sister, on  _ any _ planet, I can tell you that for a  **FACT** ”.

****

Alex feels her heart constrict in her chest, and her breath completely disappears the moment the ray of sunshine that is Kara fills the screen. Letting out a strangled  moan at the sight, simultaneously delighted and tormented by sight of her beloved sister's bright smile beaming straight at her, Alex has to squeeze her eyes shut against the pain it sends racing through her body. 

****

Seeing the reaction Kara's image has caused, Lena silently reaches over and presses pause on the tablet. She then lifts the device from Alex's nerveless fingers, places it down on the roof of the Observatory next to them, and when she turns back she slips her left arm around Alex's shoulder,  gently guiding the quietly sobbing woman in to her body. 

****

Alex goes willing, her fingers seeking out the material of Lena's shirt to hold on to, trusting the younger woman to act as her anchor while she is lost to the storm that rages within her. 

****

They sit that way for a countless amount of time with the stars the only witness as Lena holds Alex in her lap, arms wrapped tightly around her body while Alex sobs into her shoulder, as Lena does her best to absorb some of the pain Alex is releasing. Her hands gently stroke Alex's back as she whispers reassurances to her, making sure Alex knows that she will look after her for as long as she needs, and backs up her words every so often by planting small kisses into Alex's hair. 

****

Even after Alex has cried herself out she remains nestled in Lena's embrace, feeling safer than she can remember being in a long time, comfortable enough to let herself be held properly for the first time since Kara's death. One hand rests just over Lena's heart, and the steady thump beneath her palm is reassuring, but it is the feel of Lena's fingers running through her hair; so gently that it feels like heaven to Alex, that causes her to let out a contented sigh. 

****

“You'll make a great mom”. 

****

The out of the blue comment, which triggers many of Lena's own insecurities, startles the raven haired woman, and her hand stills instantly. “Excuse me?”

****

“No, don't stop. Please”. Feels ridiculous for pleading, even more so for burrowing deeper into  Lena's body in an attempt to get her to start her ministrations again, Alex can't help the pang of loss she feels the moment Lena stops what she is doing. She lets out a little whoosh of air in relief as she feels Lena hesitantly start to stroke her hair again, and she whispers a small thank you in to her collarbone before explaining her words. 

****

“The way I was before, when I fell apart. You knew  _ exactly _ what to do. You didn't hesitant, or have to think about it. You knew I needed help, even though I've done nothing but act like I don't need anybody, and you offered it without asking for anything in return”. 

****

“Everybody needs somebody sometimes”. 

****

“J'onn, Winn, my mom; they all tried to be there for me, but they just kept making things worse”. 

****

“Worse how?”

****

Alex closes her eyes for a moment and lets Lena's scent surround her, the faint smell of her perfume mixed with the clean smell of her skin soaking into her senses, and she feels the tightness in her chest when thinking about her family relax a little. 

****

“They kept telling me that everything was going to get better, that I would get over this and be happy again. I'm sure they meant well, but all I could think was 'How can I ever be happy with Kara?', and then  _ they _ would talk about her”. 

****

“What would they say?” Speaking softly as she continues to stroke Alex's hair, Lena is eager to keep the woman in her arms talking in order to get her to release some of the many pent up feelings she clearly has. 

****

“They'd say 'Kara would want you to live your life', or 'Kara wants you to be happy'. 'We mustn't let her have died for nothing', and my personal favourite - 'Think how disappointed Kara would be if she could see you now'. That one was a hoot to hear”. Alex sniffles as the pain of remembering Maggie snap those words at her, as she lay on the floor begging her not to walk out the door, flares inside her. 

****

Lena's arm tightens around her in response and she presses her lips to the top of Alex's head as she murmurs. “Unfortunately well-meaning doesn't always mean kind”. 

****

“But you-”a small smile appears on Alex's lips despite the tears in her eyes “-you never said any of those things. At Kara's f.....on Argo, all you did was wrap your arms around me and say that you had me. You told me that I was safe, I could let it all out, and that you wouldn't let me go. You said that you had enough strength for the both of us, and that you would do whatever I needed to help me through it. You  _ gave _ me strength instead of taking it, and when I still wasn't able to do my speech, you did it for me”. 

****

“Anyone would have done the same....”

****

“Yet they didn't”. Alex doesn't let Lena dismiss her selfless actions so easily. “My entire family, and every single one of my friends stood and watched me crumble up at that podium, but only you had the heart to do something about it”. 

****

“They were grieving too. You can't be too hard on them”. 

****

Alex finds it ironic that Lena 'dysfunctional family' Luthor is defending hers so strongly. “You make it sound like you weren't. You forget, I saw that picture too”. 

****

“The whole damn world saw that picture”. 

****

Alex feels Lena tense beneath her at the mention of the photo that had gone global. 

****

The one of her cradling Kara's body, head lowered against her chest as she cried in anguish at the death of her closest friend. 

****

It had been titled 'A Luthor Mourning A Super – The Picture You Thought You'd Never Live To See!' 

****

Lena had tried everything in her power to try and get it pulled, horrified that her private moment had been splashed across the international media circuit for all and sundry to see, but by the time she had become aware of it there had been nothing she could do.

****

“You loved her too”.

****

Alex's soft voice, slightly roughened by alcohol and emotion, pulls Lena from her introspection. 

****

“Kara was the first person that cared enough to look past the Luthor name and see me for who I was, not merely what I could do for her”. Lena remembers all the times Kara had refused to give up on her, even when everyone else, herself included, had. “I may not have known her as long as most of the people at her funeral had, but I loved her just as deeply”. 

****

“I'm sorry I never thanked you for what you did. Getting her body back like that”. 

****

“You don't need to thank me”. Lena shakes her head slowly, her chin softly brushing across the top Alex's head as she does so. “Kara had saved my life so many times it was the least I could do”. 

****

“Why didn't you tell someone about the nanites instead of going down there by yourself? It would have been a lot safer”.

****

“That wasn't really an option. I didn't come up with the idea until I was already halfway there”. 

****

“WHAT?” Alex pulls herself out of Lena's arms and twists herself onto her knees so that she can turn and look at Lena fully. 

****

Crossing her arms over her chest to try and shake how empty they suddenly feel, Lena lifts her chin to look at Alex. “I didn't know I was going to use the nanites until I was already on my way there”. 

****

“But you had a plan in place before you left to go face that thing, right? The nanites were just a better one you swapped it out for?”

****

Empty air hangs between them, as Lena knows better than to lie to Alex, and she watches as the truth sends the redhead to her feet. Alex paces the length of the Observatory roof, which is only six steps each way, as a wave of anger and fear surges through her. 

****

“You're honestly telling me that when you went down there you had no plan, nothing, with which to fight that thing with?”

****

“Logical thought wasn't exactly my greatest emotion in that moment”. 

****

Alex stops to stare at Lena, the cavalier way she is speaking about what she did almost as shocking as the news itself. “You could have died”. 

****

“But I didn't”. 

****

“Did you know for certain the nanites would work?”

****

“They hadn't been tested and I was working on a hypothesis, so no”. 

****

“Then why in the name of unholy hell would you go down there?!” Alex can't stand how calm Lena seems to be about her near death experience any longer and feels anger start to stir in her belly as she raises her voice. “ _ Were you trying to get yourself killed _ ?”

****

“I think maybe I was”. 

****

“What...?” The honest answer leaves Alex gob-smacked. “Why?”

****

Lena lets out a humourless chuckle as she hugs her knees to her chest and rests her chin on them. “Why not? Kara was the only that would have genuinely mourned me if I had and she was already gone so....”

****

“Lena?” Walking over to the now silent woman, who is refusing to make eye contact, Alex drops back down to her knees with an apologetic expression on her face. “I'm sorry I yelled at you, I shouldn't have”. 

****

“I've had plenty of people yell at me over the years, it's water off a ducks back. Or a demons, if you believe what some of the papers say”. 

****

Alex hates the pain she can hear in Lena's voice, despite the attempt to mask it with her ice queen façade, as she knows how much the false stories and lies the media fabricate about her hurt the sensitive woman. Kara used to tell her about all the times she'd felt useless, despite having more power than anyone else on Earth, because she couldn't change the worlds perception of her best friend despite having witnessed first-hand, again and again, all the good that Lena put out into it. 

****

Placing her hand on Lena's knee gently, Alex tells her. “Just because something bad happens to you a lot, it doesn't mean you should ever have to get used to it”. 

****

Emerald green eyes lift to meet Alex's gaze, confusion swirling in them. 

****

“I turned my fear at the knowledge that I could have lost you too into anger, and then turned that back on you. It was a selfish thing to do, and I shouldn't have done it. I'm really, really sorry”. 

****

“Why were you afraid when you found out I could have died? We've already established that we weren't friends then”. 

****

“We may not have been friends like you and Kara were, but I still cared about you”. Alex squeezes her knee affectionately. “I've been around you enough to know that you are kind, clever, generous, fearless, gracious, confident but never cocky, a little bit of a bad-ass, and a hell of a scientist”. 

****

Heat creeps up the back of Lena's neck as she listens to Alex compliment her, the intensity in her voice leaving no doubt in Lena's mind that Alex means every word she says, and she feels unusually shy in the face of such flattery. 

****

“You're a heck of a woman, Lena”. Alex smiles sweetly at the blushing woman, finding it endearing how humble she is despite being so incredibly amazing. “This world has already lost Supergirl. It can't afford to lose you too”. 

****

With a warm glow in her chest and a lump in her throat from such an avalanche of emotion, Lena doesn't quite know how to respond, so says the only thing she can think of.  

****

“Aren't I the one that's supposed to be making you feel better?”

****

With an accompanying smile that seems to trigger about a million butterflies in Lena's stomach, Alex lets lose a laugh that echoes out into the night and startles a flock of birds from their roost. She rocks back onto her heels, the belly laugh catching her by surprise just as much as Lena, and she has to dab at her eyes to capture the moisture the intensity of her laughter has triggered. 

****

She takes several deep breaths to try and compose herself again, rubbing at a sore spot high on the right side of her ribcage when she feels a stitch from her exertions, and gives Lena a soft smile. “Trust me, you have. I was in a bad way earlier on, and if you hadn't come along, well......lets just say it's a good thing you managed to make me forget I have a gun strapped to my thigh”.  

****

Lena's eyes goes wide and immediately drop to the weapon, which she had noticed earlier but had dismissed because Alex and guns were practically synonymous with each other, seeing it as if for the first time. “Alex....”

****

“I won't. At least, not tonight”. Alex doesn't want to promise Lena anything more than she can deliver, because she knows she is still very damaged. “You were pretty much the last person I expected to turn up here tonight, but as it turns out you were the very person I needed”.

****

The words touch Lena tremendously, though her heart is yet to recover from the shock that Alex had been thinking about ending her own life tonight, and she knows she needs to prove to Alex that she can count on her whenever she needs.

****

“Earlier this evening you asked me if we were friends yet, and I said we were on the road to it”.

****

Lena stands and walks over to Alex, holding her hand out to help the slightly taller woman to her feet too. Once facing each other Lena gently places her hand on Alex's cheek, her thumb again stroking without being given permission, as she smiles softly at Alex. 

****

“Tonight I have had the most raw, open, and honest encounter of my life. What I've shared with you, Alex, I've shared with no other, not even your sister, so I definitely consider us friends now. You saw what losing one friend did to me, and I really don't want to lose another-” Lena knows the words are a low blow by the way Alex sucks in a sharp breath, but the icy terror that runs through her at the thought of being without Alex as well as Kara forces her to continue “-so I will make you this promise. I promise that I will be there for you, whenever you need me, no matter what time of the day or wherever in the world I might be. If you need me, I  _ will _ be there. Do you understand?” 

****

Alex opens her mouth to protest, Lena can read it in her eyes and the set of her shoulders, so stops her before she can begin. 

****

“This is a promise I am giving to you. One I will not break. Do you understand that?”

****

Alex studies her for a moment, seeing how deadly serious Lena is, before letting her shoulders fall in quiet resignation at the acknowledgement that she is not going to win this argument.  

****

“I understand”. 

****

“Can you then promise me in return that, if you ever again feel like you did tonight, you will call me before you do anything......permanent?”

****

Because she is looking directly at her when she says it, Alex sees the pain that flashes across Lena's face at the thought of Alex harming herself, and she feels guilty for lumbering Lena with all her baggage when she clearly has a ton of her own. “It's very kind of you but you really don't have to.....”

****

“I  _ want _ to”.

****

The depth of emotion in Lena's voice gives Alex pause, and she finds the thought of Lena being there for her, no matter how bad things get, incredible reassuring. So, instead of coming up with more reasons to say no to her again, Alex simply nods. “I promise”. 

****

The look of relief that comes over Lena's face is not lost on Alex, and she feels glad she is able to give her some peace of mind. 

****

“A deal is never official until you shake on it, Agent Danvers”. 

****

Lena holds out her right hand, the serious tone of her voice offset by the sparkle in her eyes, and Alex can't help smiling at the unexpected irreverent side she's discovered in the normally stoic woman. Biting the inside of her lip to try and hold back the smile that wants to break free, Alex takes the proffered hand in her own. 

****

“I made you a promise Miss Luthor, and a promise made by a Danvers is unbreakable”. 

****

The feel of of Alex's hand in her own, the work roughened palm sliding against her skin, sparks a shiver to run down her spine as she pictures the capable hands on other, far more sensitive parts of her body, and has Lena fighting to keep her thoughts from showing on her face. “That is very reassuring to know”. 

****

Seeing the shiver but mistaking its intent, Alex drops her hand so she can indicate towards the ladder. “It's pretty late and the temperature is dropping fairly rapidly, we should probably get your tent set up”. 

****

“Tent?”

****

A sinking feeling settles in the pit of Alex's stomach at the questioning look Lena gives her. “Yeah. The tent you clearly brought with you because you knew you'd need it to sleep in, as there are no habitable residences within tent kilometres of here, which is exactly why this Observatory was built all the way out here”.

****

“Oh”. Lena looks sheepish. “Does it make it better or worse if I say that I didn't even pack a torch, let alone a tent?”

****

“You came all the way out here, totally unprepared, not knowing if I was even going to be here. You could have been in real trouble”. 

****

Alex wants to chastise her for her rash actions, but Lena's next words make it hard for her. 

****

“When I heard you were missing I didn't really stop to think. I knew the others would have looked in your usual haunts and this was the first place that popped into my head, so I literally just stopped at home to change clothes and grab Kara's tablet before coming straight here”.

****

The thought that Lena was so concerned about her that she didn't stop to think about logistics long enough to even pick up a torch is both endearing and exasperating to Alex, and she can't decide whether to be cross at her or not. In the end she simply shakes her head in frustrated befuddlement and holds her hand out. “Looks it's going to be a cosy night then, roomie”. 

****

Helping Lena across to the ladder, she ensures the dark haired woman is able to descend without problem before returning to clear up the bottles, leaving no evidence of their presence behind, then quickly shins her way down too. Once on the ground she looks up to find Lena observing her with an amused smile on her face, and quirks an eyebrow at her. “What?”

****

The way Alex had slid down the ladder: fingerless gloved hands loosely cupping the bars to keep her steady, knees slightly bent, and with her weight braced so that the inside seam of her boots run down the metal, is such a carefree little moment to witness that it fills Lena's heart with hope that all is not lost for Alex. 

****

At the question, Lena inclines her head towards the ladder. “Forever the action-hero, huh Agent Danvers”. 

****

Alex, unaware that she'd done the exact thing she and Kara used to do every time they'd left here until Lena had pointed it out, runs a hand through her hair self consciously. “Mom banned Kara from flying because there was too big a risk of people finding out about her, so I taught her how to slide down ladders as a way to try and get a little of that feeling back”. 

****

The memory brings a smile to Alex's face but, to her surprise, her tears remain at bay. 

****

It is the first time she has been able to think of Kara without crying, and she feels slightly startled by the development. On the one hand it gives her hope that maybe she  _ can _ move forward with her life and find a day where she can actually not want to self destruct with every waking moment, but it also feels slightly disloyal to Kara to be thinking about being okay without her. 

****

“.....and I told Kara straight out how badly I wanted to take you”. 

****

“You, er....what? You...you wanted to  _ take _ me?” Alex is pretty sure she zoned out for the first half of Lena's sentence, and feels a flush of embarrassment as the words she hears send a spark of arousal straight through her. 

****

“As a sibling”. Lena clarifies. “For a while. But I no longer feel that way about you now”. 

****

“Oh. I see”. 

****

Alex doesn't see anything, totally clueless as her mind spins in confusion about her unexpected reaction to Lena's innocent comment, but knows that she needs to say something to try and cover up the fact that she is suddenly picturing her sisters best friend in a whole new light. Of course, Alex has no way of knowing that the only reason Lena no longer wants her as a sibling is because the feelings she's developed for the older Danvers are anything  _ but _ sisterly. 

****

“So, you mentioned you have a tent?” 

****

Lena is looking at her expectantly, but all Alex can do is point in the general direction as she groans internally at the image of sharing her, very small, two person tent with the woman she has just realized she has feelings for. 


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an emotional night, Alex and Lena now have to spend the night together in a very small tent - where there is only one sleeping bag.
> 
> Cue some sexual tension and awkwardness.
> 
> The next day the pair spend some time hiking through the forest and having a few heart to heart chats. 
> 
>  
> 
> -Not nearly as angsty as Chapter 1 but a little heavy in a few places while they work through their combined issues, with some fluffy moments thrown in for good measure.

“Get in”. 

****

Sounding clearly in the tent despite being barely above a whisper, Lena's gravelly voice in the dark kills all the hope Alex had been harboring that the CEO had finally fallen asleep, and she stills her surreptitious attempts to warm her chilled feet immediately. 

****

“It's fine. Go back to sleep”. 

****

There is a ruffle as Lena moves within the sleeping bag, and then the unmistakable sound of a zipper being pulled. 

****

“Alexandra Danvers, I will  _ not _ lay quietly by while you get frostbite out of some far reaching sense of chivalry, when this sleeping bag is perfectly adequate to hold the both of us”. Lena's voice is low and stern, but still has warmth to it. “It was very noble of you to offer me your bed, your gallantry is noted and appreciated, but there is no sense in you getting sick when the answer is as simple us sharing a bed for the night”.  

****

“I....I just.....” 

****

Sharing a tent with Lena has been a stressful enough event on Alex already as, soon after her revelatory moment about her feelings for the young business women earlier, she'd realized that Lena intended to sleep in just her underwear.

****

“I didn't bring pajamas and I'm certainly not sleeping in an under-wired bra” had been the reply to Alex's panicked  _ “What in the heck are you doing?!” _ cry when, after offering her the sleeping bag and turning away to prep an area of the floor to sleep on, Alex had turned back to find Lena already  half naked and in the process of unhooking herself.

****

“Is the cold floor honestly more preferable than sharing a sleeping bag with me?”

****

There is a hint of something in Lena's voice that sounds suspiciously like self doubt, as if she could honestly believe Alex would rather be shivering half to death on the floor than pressed up against her gorgeously naked body, and it makes Alex frown in wonder at the cause.  

****

“I just didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. What with you being...unclothed, and my....sexual orientation....” Alex can feel herself going bright red as she stutters out her explanation, and is grateful for the absolute darkness hiding her flaming face. 

****

“Do you plan to have sex with me without my consent? Or touch me inappropriately while I sleep?” 

****

“WHAT?” 

****

If Alex had been sitting on a bed, she would have just fallen out of it. 

****

“NO! Of course not! I would  _ never _ do that Lena, you know I wouldn't!”

****

“And I believe you, so there is absolutely no reason not get into bed with me this instant”. 

****

With no argument left, Alex reluctantly has to concede that Lena is right, so shuffles her way over to her on hands and feet. 

****

“Take your top and pants off”. 

****

“Say what now?”

“Your circulation has been compromised by the cold, leaving your core temperature dangerously low-” a warm hand sneaks out of the dark to wrap around Alex's forearm, confirming how cold her body is, and sends a shiver through her body instantly “-I could hear your teeth chattering for at least an hour, despite your protestations that you were fine. We need to warm you up quickly, and transference of human body heat works best with direct skin to skin contact”. 

****

“You want me to get into there with you, naked?”

****

Alex feel faint at the prospect. 

****

“You can leave your panties on, but everything else should be removed if we are to get you warmed up properly”. 

****

Lena knows what she is proposing is going to be tortuous for herself, but she just can't stand the thought of Alex spending one more second shivering in the cold because of her.  

****

“Once you are warm you can put your clothes back on if you prefer, but right now you are in danger of getting hypothermia so please, do as I say?” 

****

Alex hears the genuine note of concern in Lena's voice, concern for her welfare, so nods her acquiescence. “Okay”.  

****

The soft sound of clothes being shed fills the air, and Lena's mouth goes dry as her mind suddenly takes flight. 

****

She knows that Alex works out a lot, and her tactical outfits hug her body in a way that make it plain that she is in exceptional shape, so it isn't difficult for her overheated imagination to conjure up images of Alex pulling her T shirt over her head to reveal a taut torso, and slipping her pants down smooth strong thighs. 

****

When Alex announces that she is ready, Lena has to swallow several times to try and get some moisture back into her mouth before she can answer. “I think it would work best if we put your back to my front”. 

****

Alex isn't sure of that at all, but mutters under her breath “You're the boss” as she awkwardly slips into the sleeping bag. 

****

The bag is roomy for one, but snug for the pair, and their bodies are well and truly pressed together once the zipper is done up. They lay on their sides, completely still for a few seconds, each lost in their own internal freakouts at having to be so intimate with the other; but the moment is broken when a violent shiver runs through Alex's body and Lena instinctively wraps her arms around her in response. She curls around Alex like it is the most natural thing in the world, her right arm wrapping around her waist and resting just below her breasts, while her left sneaks underneath her body to encircle her in a hug. Lena's body presses against the length of Alex's back, trying to connect as much as possible to ensure Alex warms as fast as she can, and hooks her right leg over Alex's hip so her thigh and leg is covered too. 

****

The move takes Alex by complete surprise; not only because can she feel Lena's hard nipples pressing against her back and her warm breath on the nape of her neck, but because she is so unused to being the vulnerable one in most situations. 

****

When she had first came out, Maggie had been the more experienced person in their relationship and she'd had to concede a lot of the power in their dynamic simply because she'd no idea what to expect, which hadn't been easy a lot of the time. 

****

But letting someone care for her like this, see her this broken, is a completely different kind of vulnerability altogether.

****

If someone had told Alex six months ago that  _ Lena Luthor _ would be the one to hold her in her darkest moments, Alex would have laughed them out the room, or tasered them. Yet in this moment, she could think of no one else that could come close to matching even a tenth of the genuine compassion and caring she has seen Lena show towards her recently. 

****

The thought astounds Alex, yet comforts her too, which makes it possible for her to sink into the warm embrace holding her secure and she is able to fall asleep within minutes. 

****

Lena feels it as Alex drifts off, the subtle change in her breathing as it shifts into a slow and even rhythm, and she smiles softly against the soft skin of Alex's shoulder as peace claims the troubled woman. 

****

It takes Lena a lot longer to fall asleep, as she is so enthralled by Alex that her mind is on overdrive despite her attempts to switch it off. 

****

Without moving she can tell that the shoulder bones under her chin are more pronounced than they should be; that even though Alex is taking better care of herself than she had been in the first few weeks after Kara's death, she is still not back to full health. Probably because she is still drinking more than she should. 

****

She can also feel the raised ridge of a healed scar beneath her fingertips where they rest on the left side of Alex's ribcage, and Lena can't stop herself from moving her index finger a millimeter each way, rubbing back and forth over it, infinitesimally, as she ponders which heroic deed Alex was doing when she received it. 

****

After Lena had found out the truth about the DEO, and Alex's role in it, Kara had been more honest with her about all the times Alex had helped Supergirl save National City. 

****

Lena had spent many evenings listening to Kara enthuse about her incredibly brave big sister, who was always leaping into harms way without a thought to herself in order to take down the bad guys, despite having none of the powers that Supergirl had to protect herself. 

****

Here in the darkness, Lena felt it was safe to admit that she'd always had a bit of a crush on Alex.  Impossible not to really, given that the very first time she'd met her was when Alex had saved her life, and it had only grown the more she'd learned about her. Brave, smart, kind, loyal, humble.... she was everything Lena had ever yearned for, but also totally out of reach. 

****

Or so she'd thought. 

****

When Kara had told her about Alex coming out to her, Lena had nearly choked on her wine. She'd spluttered like a schoolboy taking his first sip of scotch, and caused more than a few curious looks from their fellow diners.

****

Her less than graceful reaction to the news had given Kara a moments pause, as she had then asked Lena if she was okay with gay people, prompting Lena to immediately sponsor that years LGBT+ Pride Parade in National City (with Alex and Maggie lead VIPs on L-Corps entry) as a way of reassuring her best friend that she was indeed supportive of the queer community; as well as forcing Lena to re-evaluate her own honesty about her sexuality. 

****

Lena already knew she was attracted to women. She had been all her life. She had just never acted upon it. 

****

Growing up as a Luthor, she had been made aware of the lifestyle she was expected to lead from a very early age, and being gay most definitely didn't fit into that lifestyle. 

****

She remembers overhearing a conversation, or rather an argument, between her mother and Lex, one evening when he'd once again been trying to convince her about Superman. 

****

_ “Oh for Gods sake, Alexander!”  _

****

_ Lillian's voice drips with loathing, the belittling tone she has honed to perfection making the normally confident man flinch under it. “The staff are going to start thinking you are hot under the collar for this Kent boy if you keep harping on after him this way, and you know I won't allow you to besmirch the Luthor name in such a disgusting manner”.  _

****

_ “Mother, if you'd just look.....”  _

****

_ “I AM looking”. Eyes as hard as icebergs cut through her son, pinning him in place. “I love you dearly Lex, and you are the only hope to carry on the Luthor name in the manner befitting our standing, yet the obsession you have developed with this Clark seems to be one borne out of lust rather than logic”.  _

****

_ “Look at his eyes, his lips...!” _

****

_ “This pathetic attempt of your to convince me of your reasoning sounds exactly like your Father when he was trying to justify his affair with that little trollop”. Lena flinches behind the door, the venom in Lillian's voice so sharp as she talks that she can practically feel it sink into her flesh. “You even sound like him when he was begging me to to take the little bastard into my home because her bitch of a mother decided to roll over and die”.  _

****

_ “Clark IS Superman, I know it. If I can just get my hands on him....” _

****

_ “You will not put your hands anywhere near that man!” The sound of a hard slap echoes through the room, and a bitter silence holds until Lillian's authoritative voice resumes. “The Luthor's are held in high regard, so this....perversion, will not stand. It needs to be dealt with quickly, and quietly before it gets any worse. I know of a clinic that has a good reputation, high clearance rates for its conversions of people with tendencies like yourself. We'll get you booked in straight away”.  _

****

Lex had been gone for three months, shipped off to a private gay conversion institution, and when he had returned he had been very different. Quieter, more insular. 

****

He had stopped mentioning Clark or Superman though, so at first Lillian had been convinced he was cured and relaxed. By the time she had realized he hadn't stopped, and had in fact gone over the edge with it, it had been too late to stop him, and instead of blaming herself for her part in his fall, she'd blamed Superman instead.  

****

The experience had taught Lena to bury her own homosexual leanings, not daring to risk her mother shipping her off to a facility too, and she had become so used to dating men, whom she never had to worry about risking her heart with because she could never feel that deeply for, that it wasn't until now, and her attraction to Alex, that she'd had to reflect upon her life choices.  

****

“Dammit Danvers, what are you doing to me?” 

****

The whispered question floats out into the darkness as Lena lowers her forehead to rest upon the top of Alex's spine, finally allowing herself to succumb to the warmth of Alex's body and drift off  to sleep. 

****

    ****

****

Light filters into the tent gently, mottled by the leaves on the trees overhead, rousing Alex slowly from her sleep. 

****

She groans at the intrusion and flexes her arm with the intention of moving it to cover her eyes, but then finds her eyes pinging open in shock at the discovery that it is pinned beneath a warm body. 

****

“Holy hell......”

****

Finding herself short of breath, Alex realizes that, at some point in the night, the duo have managed to find enough room within the sleeping bag to shift so that she is now laying with her back against the floor, and Lena is practically on top of her. 

****

Lena's right leg is draped across her body, her knee resting against Alex's left hip, and her head is nestled into Alex's right shoulder. Alex could cope with most of that, but the fact that Lena's right hand is currently resting atop her breast is something she doesn't quite know how to deal with, and has her quietly panicking as tendrils of desire start to creep through her body. 

****

Despite her slumber Lena feels the body beneath her go rigid, and it draws her into consciousness enough for her to register the new position she and Alex are in. Blinking a few times to clear the sleep from her eyes she looks up at the woman above her and gives her a small, drowsy smile. “Morning”. 

****

“”Umm, yeah”. 

****

Lena frowns as she notes the strange look on Alex's face and sits up slightly, unconsciously leaning on her right hand for leverage as she does. “What's wrong?”

****

Alex's face goes from slightly pained to totally freaked out as Lena's fingers accidentally caress her nipple, which send fireworks of pleasure straight to places she should absolutely  _ not _ be feeling while this unclothed and pressed against Lena, and she can't help squeaking out “Hand, Lena. Hand!!” while scrabbling to disengage herself from their connection. 

****

Lena looks down at her hand and flushes red the instant she sees what shes done, feeling guilty that shes done the very thing she asked Alex if she was going to do to her last night, and she rips her hand away like she been burned. She finds the zip and is out of the bag a second later, coming to a stop with her knees on the hard ground as she faces away from the flustered Agent. 

****

“I...I'm so sorry, Alex”. Lena wraps her arms around her waist, the disgust and self loathing she has to fight on a daily basis to keep at bay once again crowding in. “I honestly didn't know that my hand was there, but I understand that that sounds like a lame excuse any creep would use in this situation. I will leave now”. 

****

To prove her words true Lena reaches for her shorts and quickly slips her legs into the denim, hiking them up and securing them around her waist before reaching for her bra.

****

“Wait!”

****

Hand frozen, Lena stops at the sound of Alex's voice. 

****

“I know you're not a creep”. 

****

Pulling her hand back into her lap, Lena laces her fingers together nervously. “That's reassuring to know”. 

****

“It's just.....been a while, since I've been with anyone, and after last night I think I was craving affection so my body was a little more....sensitive, than usual so when I felt your hand, there.....”

****

Blowing out a deep breath, not finding it easy to regulate her emotions, especially while the delectable expanse of Lena's bare back is on full display, Alex turns to pull her own shirt over her head as a defense. “Look, I don't want you to go, but could you maybe put your shirt on though. I know neither of us are creeps but you're still a ridiculously gorgeous woman, and I'm only human”. 

****

The compliment is so out of the blue, and sounds so reluctantly made, that Lena can't help believing it to be genuine. Flushes immediately, she decides to forgo her bra for the moment and instead wraps herself in her flannel shirt, buttoning it up enough to ensure the fact she is bra-less isn't identifiable, then rolls the sleeves up her forearms. 

****

Once covered she turns to face Alex, who is now dressed in her T shirt and pants from last night, though Lena notes the gun is missing from her thigh, and the pair smile cautiously at each other. 

****

“Breakfast?”

****

Alex holds up two granola bars, and Lena can't help laughing. 

****

“You really know how to spoil a girl”. 

****

“I've been told my cooking leaves a lot to be desired, so packaged is probably safer”. Alex tosses one of the bars to Lena, then moves to open the tent and steps out into the mid morning sun.

****

Standing up straight she stretches her arms above her head, feeling her muscles pop from sleeping on the hard packed ground, then hears a rustle behind her as Lena exits the tent too. 

****

They settle onto a couple of large logs that Alex drags over and tear open their bars, eating in compatible silence for a few minutes before Lena decides to admit something. 

****

“I had to pay a private chef to teach me how to cook scrambled eggs”. 

****

Alex looks surprised at the confession, but remains quiet as she senses there is more and simply nods for Lena to continue. 

****

“Last night you said you thought I would make a good mom, do you remember?”

****

Alex remembers the moment, and Lena's reaction to it. “I believe I said you would make a  _ great _ mom, but you didn't seem to believe me”. 

****

The way Alex gently corrects her, reinforcing her belief in her ability to be a mom, is sweet and touches Lena, even as she struggles to believe it. 

****

“The way I was raised, it wasn't a great example of motherhood. I never learned what it meant to be a good parent, or got taught any life skills that aided in becoming the kind of person that could provide for another. The Luthor's had an entire team of staff to do everything for them, and I literally wasn't allowed in our kitchen as Lillian thought it was unbecoming to fraternize with the hired help. I grew up not knowing how to do as much as boil an egg, and one of my fears was that I would never be a good mother because I didn't know how to cook healthy, nutritious meals for kids”. 

****

Alex watches as Lena struggles to verbalize her fears, never having said them aloud before, and feels her heart ache for how alone Lena must have felt growing up. 

****

“I don't know whether I will ever have kids. That all depends on finding the right....person-” her eyes flick to Alex for a brief moment before dropping again “-but I wanted to makes sure that if I ever do, I will be as well equip as possible. So I took cooking lessons”. 

****

When Alex doesn't respond Lena looks up at her, only to find the redhead with a dazzling smile on her face, aimed directly at her. “See.  **Great** mom”.

****

     ****

****

They head home shortly after, Alex breaking the tent down and packing it away with an expertise Lena can only envy but, after mentioning how hopeless she is at all things outdoors due to her Mother's aversion to 'roughing it', she feels a bubble of hope well up in her when Alex promises to show her how to put a tent up properly the next time they go camping. 

****

Lena knows that the fact Alex is able to mention a future event, and actually sound like she might be looking forward to it, is a huge deal for her right now, and she can't help the huge smile that overtakes her at hearing it. 

****

Lena's reaction to her comment throws Alex for a moment, but when she stops and thinks about what she's just said she understands why. She shakes her head and smiles back at Lena, slightly in awe that within the space of a day she had gone from thinking the darkest of thoughts possible to picturing herself camping with Lena Luthor, and knows that it could only be because of the support the stoic businesswomen has shown her. 

****

“Don't get too excited-” Alex bumps her hip into Lena's playfully “- next time I'll make sure to pack TWO sleeping bags”. 

****

Lena lets out a pretend growl of annoyance at being bumped and tries to bump her back, which manages to do nothing as Alex is ready for her and moves out of the way before she is able to connect.  

****

“Oh, it's going to be like  _ that, _ is it Danvers?” 

****

Lena raises a questioning eyebrow at Alex, who chuckles at the challenge she sees weighed at her. 

****

“Bring it if you think you can. Little Luthor”. 

****

There is a momentary shift in Lena's expression, one that give Alex a second to think 'uh oh, what did I unleash?' before the DEO agent finds her legs disappearing out from underneath her and she is connecting with the ground. Hard. 

****

“Holy Guacamole, that hurt!” Alex groans as the poles from the tent jab into her ribs, the unwieldy backpack she has just landed on only partially cushioning her fall,  and she wiggles her legs like a stuck tortoise for a few seconds before she manages to unclip the straps from around her waist and roll herself free. 

****

Looking up at Lena who, with arms crossed loosely over her body and hip cocked as she stares down at Alex with a satisfied smile on her face, is a vision of smugness, Alex lifts her hands, spreading her arms wide to gesture at the tactical leg sweep Lena just pulled off. “Where the hell did  _ that _ come from?”

****

“You told me to bring it-” a perfectly shaped eyebrow quirks upwards “-so I did”. 

****

Shaking her head as she gets to her feet, Alex has to admit that she did throw the challenge out there, she just wasn't expecting quite such a powerful response. 

****

“Okay, you're going to have to explain this one to me, because if cooking lessons weren't on the list of Luthor approved things to learn at finishing school, I very much doubt Lillian signed off on combat training for the littlest Luthor”.  

****

Lena suddenly loses her confident air, the question causing her to drop her arms in favor of stuffing her hands into the back pockets of her shorts instead. “Kara taught me, actually”. 

****

Alex, who had been bending down to retrieve the backpack, straightens up so fast Lena flinches in concern she might damage something in her back, and stares at her in shock. “What?”

****

Unable to hold Alex's intense stare, Lena drops her gaze to the ground and kicks at the forest debris with the toe of her boot. 

****

“I can hold my own, generally. I've been in a few scraps in my life, I'm a Luthor after all-” She lets out a humorless laugh at the memory of how many times her family name had caused her strife during her formative years, mainly from people who had been hurt by her ruthless relatives “-but Kara thought, given the number of attempts on my life since I moved to National City, it would be a good idea if I learned a few, advanced, moves”. 

****

Lena flicks her eyes up and sees that Alex is studying her, a slightly pained expression on her face as the topic is Kara, but also curious as this is something she hadn't known her sister had done. 

****

“She said you'd taught her how to fight hand to hand and wanted to pass on a few tips, so showed me some ways to bring down an assailant. We only sparred a few times, and it was always spur of the moment as Kara would turn up at my office and tell me that we had to do it there and then; which I found totally bizarre at the time, but I guess she must have been weak on Kryptonite or something as I actually managed to give her a bloody nose one time....” 

****

“When?” 

****

Lena frown at Alex's interruption.  “Pardon me?”

****

“When was the last time you sparred?”

****

“A few days before the Beast appeared, which I feel guilty for now because I realize it was directly after she'd spent three days battling that huge super volcano that erupted in Thailand and destroyed thousands of homes”. 

****

“What about the time before that?”

****

“Just after Supergirl - Kara stopped that shape-shifting horde from invading”.

****

The two dates connect in Alex's head, and she lets out a bark of laughter. “Kara, you sneaky little shit!”

****

Feeling completely lost, Lena edges towards Alex. “Care to share the missing piece of the puzzle?” 

Alex smiles at the confused look on Lena's face even as she shakes her head lightly at Kara's sneakiness. “She wasn't weak. She was human”. 

****

“I beg your pardon?”

****

Alex reaches for the backpack again and shrugs into it, content to resume walking as she explains. 

****

“Every now and again, when Kara or Clark-” She throws a sidelong glance at Lena “-I take it you've connected the dots about Superman's identity by now?” 

****

“I've known about Clark since way before Lex went to prison”. 

****

Lena falls into step by Alex's side, but at the questioning look she rolls her eyes.

****

“Lillian thought my brother's obsession with Superman stemmed from the fact that he was secretly in love with Clark Kent and, by proving that Clark was really Superman, it would somehow validate his 'unnatural' feelings for a man because it was The Man of Steel he was lusting after, because half the planet, male or female were doing exactly the same thing. However, she didn't want a gay child, so had him shipped off to a gay conversion camp”. 

****

“That's terrible”. Alex is shocked, and actually feels genuine compassion for Lex Luthor, something she never thought possible

****

“That's Lillian”. Lena grits her teeth as she thinks about how different life might have been had Lex not been sent to that awful place. “However, I believed Lex, so set out for myself to find tangible proof that would convince her beyond a shadow of a doubt that Lex wasn't lying, and could come home”. 

****

“And you found it?”

****

Lena nods, sadly. “I did, but it took too long. Clark was very careful, methodical about ensuring he stayed in character at all times. It took me months before I managed to catch him out, film him using his heat vision to warm up the water in the bath in his apartment, from the rooftop of the adjoining building. By which time Lex had been released from the center and too far into his psychosis to be saved”. 

****

“Why did you never say anything, to anyone. ” Alex asks, puzzled. “Not even to Clark when he was harassing you about the space shuttle thing?”

****

“I have been tempted, if only see the smug look wiped off his face at the realization that I know, but to honest, in all my time following him about, I discovered that he is a genuinely decent man-” Lena shrugs “- and this world is a better place with him in it. Though when I found out Kara was his cousin I must confess I was curious to know if she was Supergirl. Which she didn't help by saying things like she flew to my office on a bus!”

****

Alex chuckles at that. “My sister, the queen of the idiots”. 

****

“I wanted to know for sure, and I admit that I tried to find out, through less than honest means, if she was”. 

****

“What kind of means?”

****

Lena is relieved to hear that Alex doesn't sound cross at her confession, merely curious. 

****

“I asked her test out my prototype alien fingerprint scanner, which she somehow managed to fool despite the billions I'd invested in it. I also invited both her and Supergirl to my fund-raising Gala to see if I could get them to be in the same place at the same time”. 

****

“You never thought about just  _ asking _ her the truth?” 

****

“Only about a thousand time a day”. Lena rolls her eyes. “But each time I tried, the words got stuck in my throat”. 

****

“Why?”

****

“I guess I was scared”. 

****

“Of?”

****

Alex doesn't try to push too hard as, thanks to Kara's insights about the naturally reticent woman, she knows a few carefully placed words can help encourage her along when a whole sentence would fail. 

****

“History repeating itself”. 

****

Those three quietly spoken words tell Alex everything Lena can't say, and she immediately pivots so she is in front of the pensive woman. “Hey stop that!” 

****

The abrupt movement catches Lena off guard and she walks straight into Alex before she can stop herself, causing Alex to let out a squawk of pain when she ends up getting headbutted in the nose for her troubles. 

****

Lena's hands fly up to cover her mouth as she stares at Alex in shock, her eyes wide and beseeching.“Oh my gosh, Alex, I'm so sorry!”

****

“It's okay”. Though slightly muffled by her hands, Alex's reply is genuine. “It's my fault for surprising you like that”. 

****

“Are you okay?”

****

Alex gives her nose a test wiggle then, when she doesn't feel any pain, drops her hands and gives Lena a reassuring smile. “Yeah, you don't seem to have permanently damaged me, this time”. 

****

“Oh, thank goodness for that”. 

****

Lena lets out a relieved sigh then, upon seeing an amused smirk on Alex's face, turns a confused frown her way. “Exactly what about this whole scenario is amusing to you, Agent Danvers?”

****

“Well, before you bumped into me I turned to you with the intention of trying to convince you that you were nothing like Lex and that there was no way in hell you would have ever hurt Kara, even if you had discovered that she was Supergirl back when you were first getting to know her-” Alex lets out a hearty chuckle “-but I think we just proved it was never the younger Danver sibling you were a danger to”.  

****

The flush of of red that shoots across Lena's pale cheeks is incredibly endearing to Alex, and shows a level of vulnerability the hardened businesswoman is still capable of. 

****

“I'm still a Luthor, and seeing as Kara never told me she must have thought, on some level, there was a chance that I might have.....”

****

“ **No** ”. 

****

Alex speaks firmly as she steps forward again and places her hands on Lena's shoulders, not allowing her to finish her sentence. The forcefulness is enough to stop Lena in her tracks, her bottom lip dropping open in surprise as she looks up at Alex questioningly. 

****

“Kara  _ never _ thought that-” gentling her tone, Alex sees the doubt in Lena's eyes, still so unsure of her own self worth “-and I can tell you right now that I personally witnessed her stand up for you, when all the evidence said different, to her friends and loved ones because she knew in her heart that you were a good person”. 

****

“She did?”

****

The childlike wonder in Lena's voice is heartbreaking to Alex, because it tells her that Lena isn't used to having people stand up for her, and she silently thanks her sister for being able to see what the world refuses to. 

****

“The  _ only _ reason she didn't tell you was because she knew how much you hated being lied to, and was convinced that you would never speak to her again if you ever found out; a sentiment your own mother reinforced quite gleefully-” Alex's face turns sour as she remembers how hurt Kara had been recounting the way Lillian's eyes had sparked at the thought of the as yet theoretical moment “-and frankly, after the way you cold shouldered Supergirl after learning she asked James to check your vault for Kryptonite when we were dealing with Reign, it was hard not to believe it could happen”. 

****

“I would never have done that to Kara!” 

****

Lena's denial is too quick, too sharp, and even she can hear the hollowness to it as she snaps it out. It forces her to drops her head and hunch her shoulders in shame as she admits 

****

“I  _ would _ have done that, because that's what I do when I get hurt. I shut down and push people away”. 

****

A gentle finger cupping her chin encourages, but doesn't force, her to raise her eyes, and when she does, it is to find an understanding smile waiting for her. 

****

“Kara lied because she didn't want to disappoint you, but she also  _ hated _ that she couldn't be completely honest with you. She hated it every single day, and it was one of her biggest regrets. Please know that”. 

****

The quiet kindness in Alex's voice is too much, and tears being to bubble up in Lena's eyes as her emotions start to overwhelm her. When strong, yet gentle, arms softly wrap around her shoulders and pull her against a warm and solid chest, Lena gratefully sinks into the comforting embrace. 

****

Wrapping her own arms awkwardly around Alex's waist and the backpack in an attempt to anchor herself to the steadying presence, Lena buries her damp eyes against the curve of  Alex's neck as she sniffles hard, trying to hold back the deluge threatening to fall, and manages around the lump in her throat. “I miss her so, so much”. 

****

Alex tightens her hold around Lena's shoulders, feeling the way the body in her arms is trembling, and drops her lips down to graze against Lena's temple as she murmurs “I know. Me too”. 

****

“I just wish she'd trusted me more”. 

****

Alex hears the quiet words, almost whispered into her clavicle, and pulls back to look down at the woman that uttered them. “Kara  _ did _ trust you, Little Luthor, and the proof of this was demonstrated not too long ago when you knocked me flat on my ass”. 

****

Lena gazes up at Alex through watery eyes, the adorable crease in the middle of her forehead an indication to the smitten Agent that the confused businesswomen doesn't see how the two items connect, and she smiles at her gently. 

****

“All the times Kara sparred with you, she was the most vulnerable she could ever be in her life”. 

****

The crease deepens at Alex's words, confusion apparent on Lena's face. 

****

“Occasionally, when Kara or Clark push their abilities too hard, they temporarily max out their powers. Clark calls it a solar flare, because he's a big old nerd-” Alex is gratified to see that her small jab at Kara's cousin raises a smile on Lena's face “-but basically it means they're rendered powerless. Essentially, a human. With all the vulnerabilities and weaknesses that come with it. More so if you take in to account the fact that they don't have to cope as a human on a day to day basis. I mean, you saw for yourself how Kara struggled when we went into the Dark Valley to find Sam”.

****

“I never thought about it like that before, but looking back it makes perfect sense”. Lena's brow clears at the realization. 

****

“Apart from when she was exposed to Kryptonite, those are pretty much the only times that Kara could be killed-” a muscle in Alex's cheek ticks, and she has to take a moment to regain her calm at the thought of Kara being dead before she can continue “-but instead of staying safe inside the DEO like I instructed her to, or watching Netflix in her apartment like she told me she was-” Alex rolls her eyes at the lie Kara obviously told her to escape the DEO, causing Lena to let out a little chuckle “-she trusted you enough to get physical with her”. 

****

The way Alex suddenly pales as she realizes whats she's said, or rather the  _ way _ she's said it, would have been comical to Lena if she hadn't have been distracted by thoughts of getting physical with the Danver sister in her arms right now, but is pulled back into the moment when Alex starts stammering. 

****

“I...I didn't mean...that! I meant the sweaty kind of physical. Oh crap, that's even worse! I didn't mean  _ sex _ . With Kara. I didn't meant to imply that you were having sex with with Kara. My sister. Not that there would be anything wrong with that if you had been, of course. Because sex between women is great. As I should know! It just that it would have be a surprise if you two were-” Alex suddenly looks fortified, and her eyes widen almost comically wide as she lets go of Lena and steps back to stare at her in horror “- not that Kara wanting to have sex with you should be a surprise because you are, without a shadow of a doubt, an insanely gorgeous woman and anyone with a pulse would be mad not to fancy the hell out of you and my sister, though tending to lean towards the male side of the species, had a fine appreciation of the female form.....”

****

“I was not having sex with your sister”. 

****

Lena feels it necessary to interrupt the ever reddening woman before she bursts a blood vessel, and doesn't know whether to be insulted or not by the relief that floods Alex's face at the news. 

****

“I did think about it every now and then though”. 

****

“What?!” Alex almost swallows her tongue in shock at Lena's admission, the strangled exclamation a perfect reflection of the look of stupefaction on her face. 

****

Lena laughs at her reaction and shrugs lightly, acting like she hadn't just admitted something pretty huge. “You obviously couldn't see it because she was your sister, but Kara was a hottie”. 

****

“You fancied Kara?” Eyes wide and heart slightly crushed by the news, Alex stares at Lena in shock. 

****

“I may have had a crush on her for a little while”. Lena admits. “It's hard not to develop a thing for someone that attractive after they've saved your life, especially when they're incredibly nice to boot”.  

****

Aware that she could be talking about both Danver siblings, Lena manages to maintain a neutral expression as she is aware of how closely Alex is studying her right now. 

****

“Why didn't you ever do anything about it and ask her out?” It hurts to ask, but Alex figures that's why curiosity ended up killing the cat. 

****

“I may like to wallow in a little self indulgent misery every now and again, but I'm not a total masochist”. Lena scoffs at the question, suddenly wishing she is at home where she would be able to get her hands on a large glass of something red and alcoholic. 

****

“What do you mean?”

****

“It means that I don't enjoy inflicting pain on myself”. Lena sighs heavily. “I knew Kara would agree to the date just so she didn't hurt my feelings, despite not feeling the same way about me, and we would have had a sham of a date instead of a real one; which would have been infinitely worse than her just saying no”. 

****

“Why would it have been worse?” Alex can see Lena has withdrawn into herself a little and feels bad for asking the intrusive question, but is genuinely curious and wants to keep her talking to try and draw her back out.

****

“Picture everything you've ever wanted in a person; kind, thoughtful, sweet, honest, funny, charming, gorgeous...and imagine how elated you would be if that person agreed to go on a date with you”. Lena turns introspective eyes downwards. “Then picture knowing that they didn't feel the same as you, and the only reason they were there was because they didn't want to hurt your feelings”. 

****

Alex, who has been swept up in the emotive swell of Lena's smoky voice and is picturing the woman herself as her date, feels her stomach drop at the idea that Lena would only agree to a date with her so as to not hurt her feelings, nods in understanding. “Yeah, I see your point”. 

****

“Besides, the more time I spent with Kara, the more I realized we were too incompatible for a  relationship”. 

****

Feeling immediately defensive of her little sister, Alex bristles at the implications that Kara was in some way lacking. “What do you mean? Kara was always there for you whenever you needed help”. 

****

“Exactly”. Self loathing tugs on Lena once again. “I was the dark constantly diminishing her light”. 

****

Alex can hear the pain inside the words, how much hate Lena is directing towards herself, and her heart aches for the vulnerable child that got so damaged growing up inside the Luthor mansion.  

****

“For the longest time I was jealous of Kara”. 

****

Alex catches the confused look on Lena's face out the corner of her eye just as she turns away to once again remove the backpack from her shoulders, aware that they need to talk this out before they move on any further, so decides she might as well get comfy. 

****

Dropping the pack on the ground, she begins to paces a little, knowing that what she's about to talk about is stuff she never really likes to bring up as it's a wound that has never really healed properly, but feels it would be good for Lena to hear.

****

“My parents were always smart people, top in their respective fields for many years, and very well respected by their peers. They loved learning, and I wasn't exactly a slow coach either”. Alex can feel Lena's eyes on her, but she keeps hers on the ground as she paces, her focus in the past. “I was their only child, and I  _ liked _ it. I got all their praise, and all their focus. Then Kara came along”. 

****

Alex can already feel the twist of jealously she'd felt back then squirming in her stomach; the fear of being forgotten, replaced by the prettier, cleverer girl who could fly and bend metal with one hand, and the red hot spike of anger at her parents for taking her in that had almost consumed her.

****

“Suddenly it felt like I didn't exist anymore. Or worse, I existing in a world where I could do no right”. Heat tinges Alex's cheeks at the memory of how her parents had ignored her in favor of fawning over Kara . “It seemed like the only time my parents noticed me was to criticize me, or to point out something I did wrong to Kara, so that she didn't do it too”.  

****

“That was incredibly unfair of you parents”. 

****

“It was like they had just been give the ultimate new specimen to study and I was only kept around as a base study for comparison”. 

****

“You resented her for making you feel inferior in your own home”. 

****

Lena gets it. 

****

Lex had once told her that when he had first found out about their dad having an affair with her mother he had be angry about it because he'd wrongly believed that it had been because Lionel wanted a different family. Feeling his own was inferior, he had resented the idea of Lena coming to live with them as she was from the 'preferred family'. Yet when he had met her, so wide eyed and innocent, he had realized that it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with his father, so hadn't been able to blame her for any part of it. 

****

“Logically I knew that it wasn't her fault. I mean, Jesus, she'd watched her whole planet explode in front of her eyes and then got stuck in the phantom zone for thirteen years; she was an innocent victim-” Alex runs her hands through her hair in agitation, the short bristles along the side of her head brushing against her palm as she brushes the long strands back “-but when she came out with things like 'it's ironic they call it advanced placement when we learned calculus from aged four on Krypton', or spent all her time  _ obsessing  _ over Clark, even though he never came to visit her, not  **once** , the prick, and wanted to be just like him. It made it really hard to bond with her”.

****

“Something obviously changed that”. Lena tilts her head to study the pacing woman. “The two of you clearly became incredibly close”. 

****

“A schoolfriend of ours, Kenny, was murdered because of something he accidentally saw with his telescope, and Kara and I found out”. Alex remembers the fear she'd felt the moment the sheriff had pointed his gun at her. “Kara saved my life using her powers. It was pretty difficult to be pissed at her for being an alien after that”. 

****

“You put aside your differences for a common goal and discovered you were more alike than you thought.” 

****

Lena smiles softly, thinking how nice it must have been to have a sibling so close in age to share things with. Lex had been so much older than herself growing up that he had seemed more like a third parent, the nicest one, than a sibling, and had then been gone so much at college that they'd never really had time to do much together. 

****

“We did, and I learned to love her like the sister she truly is; but it was still difficult growing up in her shadow”.  

****

“Difficult how?”

****

“I busted my ass earning my PhD's, all the time thinking that if I could outshine Kara academically I might finally earn some respect back from my mom. She'd always placed such value on learning, bettering the world through science, that I was  _ sure _ it would beat Kara's decision to settle on becoming Cat Grant's P.A”.

****

“I take it your calculations were wrong?” The sympathetic tone in Lena's voice tells Alex she is hoping she's wrong. 

****

“I'd forgotten to factor in that Kara is literally the girl of light, which made me the girl of dark by default”. Alex chuckles lowly as she leans against a large oak tree, a rueful smile painting her lips as she crosses her arms and tucks her hands under her armpits. “Kara could have announced she was going to earn a living by farting the Star Spangled Banner using pot sticker powered flatulence and  my mom would have offered her nothing but encouragement and positivity. If I'd said it, she'd have had me in rehab within the hour”.

****

“That doesn't sound very fair”. 

****

Alex thinks back to how turbulent her early twenties were because of the double standards between herself and Kara. “It wasn't, no. So for a while I gave up trying, and took up drinking instead”. 

****

“ _ That _ doesn't sound very healthy”. The well executed eyebrow raise directed at her sends a frisson down Alex's spine, and she feels the fine hairs on her arms stand on end in reaction. 

****

Dropping her eyes to try and break the connection and regain some sort of control, Alex clears her throat. “It really wasn't, and I spiraled to the point  where I ended up in jail for a DUI. Luckily J'onn was keeping an eye on me, even back then, and stepped in to help give me a path back to myself. Ironically his offer of a position was part blackmail about Kara”. 

****

“There was no part of your life that was free of her”. Lena understands how hard that must have been for Alex, growing up living in the long shadow Lex had cast as she did. 

****

“I even hid the fact that I liked girls because of her”. 

****

Alex's statement intrigues Lena, and she raises an eyebrow questioningly. “Pray tell, why?” 

****

The flush that creeps up Alex's neck, and the way she shifts awkwardly under Lena's gaze, gives away how the younger woman's scrutiny affects her, but she manages to hold it together enough to reply. “Despite coming from another planet Kara somehow managed to acclimatise to Earth quicker than some people who've been here their whole lives, and is the living embodiment of the all American girl, so when I started getting feelings for one of my friends, a female friend, it was I that ended up feeling like the alien”. 

****

“So you took your feelings for this girl, put them in a box labeled 'Do Not Open', and buried it at the back of your mind?” 

****

Lena hypothesizes the ending, which is not that dissimilar to her own teenage years and burgeoning sexuality, to which she receives a nod from Alex. 

****

“I think I buried that box so deep I forgot about it completely and ended up convinced I was just broken in the relationship department. One of those woman that was just more career focused that relationship minded, and had resigned myself to being single. It wasn't until I met Maggie that the lid on that box came loose, and well.....”

****

Observing quietly, Lena can see that the subject of Maggie is still raw for Alex, and wonders if she is still in love with her. Kara had told her a little about their relationship, and she's had a few conversations with Alex herself about her desire to become a mom one day, so knew the reasons they'd broken up. 

****

First loves were always the most intense, because you had an unbroken heart to love with, and she envies Maggie for having felt Alex's complete love. 

****

Although, admittedly being somewhat bias having been arrested by her in the past, she also thinks Maggie is a complete idiot. Because who, having been blessed enough to feel the full force of Alex Danver's love, would willingly walk away from it? 

****

The woman is  _ everything _ you could ever ask for in a partner, and ten times more. Having seen the way Alex was able to calm Ruby during even the most stressful of moments, a girl she barely knew but bonded with so quickly, Lena  _ knows _ that she is going to be an amazing mother. Suddenly, the image of Alex asleep on the sofa, pops into Lena's head. The gorgeous redhead is sprawled on the couch in sweatpants and a DEO T shirt, hair flopping over her forehead as their adorable baby snuggles peacefully in the security of her strong arms.....

****

“Why are you smiling like that?”

****

The question pulls Lena out of her daydream with a jolt, and she has to blink several times as she tries to get a handle on the startling thought  that she'd imagined it was  **their** baby, instead of just Alex's. 

****

“I... I was just thinking what an idiot Maggie was for letting you go”. Choosing to tell part of the truth seemed like a better choice than a lie, which gives Lena a moment to pull herself together. 

****

“And that made you smile like a kid in a candy store?”

****

The confused frown on Alex's face is incredibly endearing, and Lena knows she's got it bad for her best friends sister. 

****

“No, Agent Danvers, I was of course not happy that you got hurt in that whole mess”. Lena chooses her words carefully, aware that she doesn't want to screw up the potential friendship brewing between them. “I simply got to thinking about how you are now free to find the right woman, and can be loved the way you deserve to be. I was smiling because I was picturing you being the amazing mom I know you'll will be”. 

****

“Oh”. 

****

Alex's bashful face is even more endearing than her confused face, and Lena bites her lip to try and stop a smile from popping back onto her face at how cute it is. 

****

“I seem to have lost my train of thought suddenly”. Alex rubs the back of her neck in a way Lena is coming to learn is a giveaway sign that she is flustered. “I know there was point to me dropping all my adolescent drama on you, but I can't, for the life of me, recall what it is now”. 

****

Underneath all that armor and tough exterior, lies a woman with a fragile heart insecure about her own self worth. 

****

We really aren't so different, you and I, Lena finds herself thinking. 

****

It is a strange revelation, seeing so much of herself reflected in such a different personality, and gives Lena pause as she is forced to re-evaluate how critical she has been with herself over the years. For so long now she has blamed herself for so much, taken on so many burdens, that she has struggled to function under the weight sometimes. And she has  _ always _ felt that she should still be doing more, has constantly felt guilty for any moments of pleasure she's enjoyed that have been about herself and not for the betterment of others. 

****

Yet looking at Alex, who is doing the exact same thing; putting far too much pressure on herself and drowning under the weight of all her obligations, she can objectively see that it isn't right. Lena believes in her heart that Alex deserves a family. A wife to shower her with affection and desire.  Children for unconditional love and to remind her to not take life to seriously. And friends to relax with. 

****

Which, if she is using her own rules to measure with, means that she does too. 

****

Lena sighs softly as she tries to shake the thought of wanting all that  _ with _ Alex, but knows that it is almost impossible as the image is too damn inviting looking in her head. 

****

Instead she responds to Alex, trying to distract herself another way.  “I think you were trying to make me feel better by proving you're the black sheep of your family too”. 

****

“Oh, yeah”. Alex grins sheepishly. “Sorry. I never seem to know how to handle flattery. Stick a gun in my face and I'm as cool as a cucumber, but the second an attractive woman gives me a compliment I tend to go to pieces”. 

****

“You may be bad at receiving compliments, but you seem pretty good at dishing them out”.

****

Lena has clocked the number of comments Alex had made about her, and given her current mood, feels that maybe now is the time to stop letting them slide.

****

“This morning you referred to me as 'ridiculously gorgeous'. During your rather cute little babble when you were trying to assure me you were fine with me sleeping with Kara you called me 'insanely gorgeous'. And just now you called me attractive-” 

****

The middle of the woods, during a mission that is technically to retrieve a missing woman that is grieving the loss of her sister, may not been the time  _ or _ the place for this; but Lena fears that the minute they get back to the city Alex might simply disappear back behind her workload and she'll lose her chance to find out, so uses the opportunity she has now as she looks straight at the suddenly nervous looking woman as she asks;

****

“-are you flirting with me, Agent Danvers?”

****  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments, they really do mean the world to me, so please do tell me what you think (even if it's to point out a spelling error). 
> 
> All comments will be replied to, I promise.
> 
> Please come chat x


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Alex spend some time in the woods. 
> 
> There is some flirting, some angst, and some deep heart to hearts. 
> 
>  
> 
> There is also a brief mention of an attempted sexual assault that occurred in Lena's past, but it is not graphic at all.

“Wh....What???”

 

Staring at Lena like she's just grown another head, Alex almost swallows her tongue in shock.

 

“No! Of course not. That's.....That's ridiculous”.

 

Confident smile slipping at the incredulous look on the agents face, there is a twist of disappointment in Lena's gut at knowledge that she has misread the situation completely, and had simply been projecting her own feelings onto otherwise harmless comments. “Oh, I see”. 

 

“I wouldn't have the first clue how to flirt with a woman like you”. 

 

Not the complete shut down she was expecting, Lena eyes the nervous looking woman curiously. “What do you mean, a woman like me?” 

 

“Well....um...you know...” 

 

Gesturing at the raven haired woman as her mind flounders in total gay panic, Alex stutters helplessly.

 

“You're....you're beyond smart for starters! Like I'm no slouch in the science department, you know who my mother is after all, but you just blow me away with how incredible your mind is!”

 

Brain finally catching up to her heartbeat, Alex begins to reel off the list of attributes she has long admired in her sisters best friend. 

 

“Plus you're super generous, with your time as well as your money. Kara was always telling me about the benefits you were hosting; for your hospital or the local park, it didn't seem to matter, as you were always trying to help make National City a better place”. 

 

Slightly stunned at not only the words being said but the warmth in them, Lena can only stare at Alex in silent wonder as she listens to her continue. 

 

“And kind. You're so very kind”. A small smile lifts one corner of Alex's lips as she thinks of an incident between Sam and Lena she had witnessed a while back, plus the way she had treated her since Kara has been....gone. “I know most people assume you have a heart of ice, but I know for a fact that you've probably got the biggest heart of anybody I've ever met. Next to Kara”.  

 

“Wow”. 

 

Voice barely a breath of a whisper, Lena doesn't quite know what to say after hearing what was quite possibly the loveliest speech about herself she's ever heard, so decides to go with the emotion she feels most comfortable with: sarcasm. 

 

“All that and you didn't mention my looks once”.

 

Clearing her throat in embarrassment as she realises how much she's just espoused about Lena without meaning to, Alex straightens up and shoves her hands into the back pockets of her trousers as she avoids eye contact. “Yeah well, it kinda goes without saying that you're the most beautiful woman on the planet, so I didn't think it required mentioning. However, it all adds up to you being totally out of my league, which is all I meant by a woman like you”.  

Cursing herself mentally for her insane word vomit, Alex closes her eyes and silently wishes for a bear to attack them just so that she can avoid the rest of this conversation.

 

“Would you want me to be in your league?”

 

Opening her eyes to find Lena studying her with an unreadable expression on her face, Alex swallows thickly as she finds herself getting even more nervous. “I...um...This is all hypothetical right?”.

 

Something passes across Lena's eyes, too quickly for Alex to be able to read, before the business woman nods slowly. “Hypothetically. If you thought I was in your league, would I be the kind of woman you'd flirt with?”

 

“I wouldn't.....” 

 

Not expecting such a blunt reply, especially after hearing Alex say all those wonderful things about her, Lena is unprepared for the sucker punch when it hits. Feeling like she has just been slapped across the face, Lena only manages to hide her visceral reaction through sheer will and years of Luthor training not to show any emotion in front of others.

 

Smiling tightly as she looks away from Alex, Lena tries to add as much brevity to her voice as she can muster. “Well, I can't expect to be everyone's type”. 

 

“No, you're totally my type-” once again berating herself for being a monumental screw up as soon as a woman she likes appears, Alex butts in “-all I meant was that I wouldn't flirt with you because I have no clue  _ how _ to”. 

 

Eyes drawn back to Alex's face by the confession. Lena sees that the redhead is blushing. “You don't know how to what?  _ Flirt _ ?”

 

Wondering whether all the bears in the forest had decided to take a joint vacation just so she couldn't avoid this humiliation, Alex stares at the ground as she shakes her head in acute embarrassment. “Growing up I never really wanted to flirt with guys, which I understand why now, and I've only had one girlfriend so....”

 

“You've dated since you broke up with Maggie though?” Frowning in confusion, Lena stares at Alex incredulously. “Kara told me you've been out on dates”. 

 

Closing her eyes as she lets out a groan of frustration, Alex covers her face with her hands. “Oh god, Kara is  _ such _ a blabbermouth”. 

 

Going pale the instant she realises she has just spoken about her sister in the present tense, Alex whips her hands away and her eyes ping open again as she stares at Lena in panicked shock. 

 

“I....I mean....she.... **_was_ ** ....”

 

Crossing the small patch of clearing quickly, Lena is by Alex's side in a heartbeat. 

 

Placing her hands on Alex's shoulders gently, Lena understands what has sparked her distress and guides the trembling woman over to a small boulder to sit on. Once she is seated Lena kneels down in front of her and takes Alex's hands in her own, and begins guiding her through some breathing techniques. Speaking softly, she helps Alex regain control of her racing heart and frantic breath; pulling her back from the edge of a panic attack. 

 

“That.....” 

 

Still sounding slightly breathless, Alex gazes down at Lena with such vulnerability that the raven haired woman feels her heart break a little at the sight. 

 

“Kara used to get panic attacks, because of the time spent in her pod when it was stuck in the phantom zone, and I coached her through them”. Shaking her head to clear the fuzziness that is still lingering, Alex wets her dry lips with her tongue before continuing. “Never experienced one myself before, but that was truly awful”. 

 

Feeling the gentle squeeze of Alex's fingers around her own, Lena offers the seated woman a soft smile. “I'm sorry to hear Kara suffered panic attacks, but I'm glad she had you to talk her through them. I'm sure hearing your voice helped her immensely”. 

 

“She always said that the sound of it helped pull her through the worst because she could use it to help centre her thoughts, to calm her, because it was a voice she trusted implicitly. I never really believed her. I know now that I was wrong”. 

 

Frowning in confusion, Lena asks. “What happened that made you change your mind?”

 

“You”. Looking at her with wide eyes, Alex squeezes Lena's fingers gently once again. “Your voice helped ground me when I was lost in the midst of my freakout, and stopped me from spiralling any further into my grief”.

 

“My voice did that? ” Lena is completely taken aback by Alex's unexpected explanation. “How?”

 

“I trust you”. The truth of her words shining in her eyes, Alex gazes at Lena with an open and honest expression look on her face. Seeing the doubt on Lena's face, Alex shrugs a shoulder slightly as she lets out a small sigh. “I have for a long time, because you've proven your loyalty to Kara and Supergirl a million times over, but we were never actual friends so I guess it just wasn't something that ever got said”. 

 

“Oh”. Not knowing what to say, Lena lowers her eyes to stare at their entwined hands. 

 

“Plus, you have a very nice voice”. 

 

The words are said quietly, almost as if they are not meant for Lena to hear, but hear them she does, and they make her look up at the redhead.

 

Finding Alex with a small blush staining her cheeks, as if she is embarrassed to have had them heard, Lena raises an eyebrow as a small smirk lifts one corner of her lips. “For someone that professed, just a few short minutes ago, that she had no idea how to flirt with a woman like myself, I'd say you were a natural at it”. 

 

“I.....I am?” 

 

Her smirk turning into a genuine smile, Lena can't help chuckling at the expression on Alex's face. “ _ Were _ you flirting with me?”

 

“I...I meant what I said. You do have a nice voice. It's lovely in fact. Smooth like silk, but always with this little touch of gravel behind it that only grows if someone is dumb enough to piss you off; warning of the impending storm that you will wreak on them. It evokes a sense of calm that instantly speaks of peace, but with a strength behind it that tells you you'll always be protected and kept safe. It's a beautiful voice, and honestly I could listen to you talk about SpongeBob SquarePants for four hours straight without get bored of hearing it”. Removing one of her hands in order to rub her forehead, where she can feel the start of a headache beginning to build, Alex frowns. “Is telling someone the truth flirting? Or is it only flirting if you like that person?”

 

Shaking her head as she lets out a small huff of laughter, Lena stares at Alex in disbelief. “Okay, either you are the most oblivious gay in the world, or it's best charmer, because that was....wow!” 

 

“Why? What did I do now?” Eyes widening, Alex looks even more confused. 

 

Seeing that Alex genuinely has no idea what she has just done, Lena finds herself falling even more for the adorable woman, and has to fight not to reach up and cup her cheek like she wants so badly to do right now. 

 

Instead she settles for brushing her thumb over the back of Alex's hand, able to sate her need to show affection in a much smaller way. “In all my years of dating, and in all my relationships, I've never had anyone describe my voice in such a way”.

 

“You haven't?” The knowledge shocks Alex, and she scrunches up her nose in horror. 

 

Tilting her head slightly to the side as she gazes at the redhead, Lena allows a small smile to slip onto her lips. “You're not like most people”.

 

“Well, I have had extensive training on observing and studying people during my time at the DEO,  to pick out potential combatants before they become a threat, so I guess I pick up on things most normal folk might otherwise overlook”. 

 

“Like the gravel in my voice that increases when people piss me off and warns of an impending storm?” A perfectly shaped eyebrow lifts questioningly. 

 

Flushing slightly as she realises just how evocative her description of Lena's voice really was, Alex can't help the small smirk of pride that appears on her lips at being able to articulate that sound into words as perfectly as she did, and she peeks at her through shy lashes. “Well, it is a  **_really_ ** nice voice”. 

 

The burst of laughter that bubbles out of Lena washes over Alex like a breath of fresh air, the sound is so carefree and light, and it makes the seated woman's heart skip a beat as she gazes at the delighted expression she has managed to create on her face.

 

“Now, THAT was flirting Agent Danvers!” 

 

Chuckling delightedly, Lena feels a warm glow spread through her body at both the compliment and the look of satisfaction on Alex's face.

 

“I'm glad to see that your ability to quickly pick up all aspects of warfare is aiding you in learning this particular trick in the arsenal of dating”. 

 

“I'm not sure I would equate war and dating on a par with one another”. 

 

“That's because you've been lucky enough not to have dated much”. Giving a wry chuckle, Lena pats Alex's hand gently. “Trust me when I say that someone as gorgeous, and innocent, as you, would be devoured in a heartbeat in the vile cesspool that is the dating scene. Women can be just as ruthless as men when it comes to going after what they think is rightfully theirs”. 

 

Hearing the bitter note underlying the humour in her voice, Alex searches Lena eyes with concern. “You've had bad experiences, haven't you”. 

 

Sighing when she realises the canny agent has seen beyond the lightness she was striving for, Lena lets the façade fall with her smile. “The Luthor name may not always make for good a business partner, but it seems I'm still desirable enough to proposition as a bedmate. When I turned her down she cornered me in the bathroom at the fund-raiser I was holding and tried to.....  _ take _ what she wanted, instead”.  

 

“ **What** ?” Anger suffusing her entire being, Alex's fingers tighten around Lena's and she has to grind her teeth together in order to try and control the volume of her voice. “Who is she? Tell me her name, Lena. All I need is a name”. 

 

Taken aback at the tidal wave of fury she can see Alex trying to keep in check, Lena stutters “W...why do you want to know who she is?”

 

“Because I'm going to find her, beat the ever loving shit out of her for daring to place a finger on you without your consent, then throw her ass in a DEO black site prison for the rest of her life!”

 

“You...you don't have to do that”. Overwhelmed by the display of Alex's protective instinct, having previously only witnessed it flare to such intensity when protecting Kara or those she loves, Lena is flabbergasted to know that Alex is willing to go to such lengths on her behalf as well. “At the time of the incident I broke her nose, and later I organised a hostile takeover of her company, so she has already had her comeuppance”. 

 

Feeling some of her rage lessen at the reassurance that Lena had been able to protect herself against the unwanted advance, Alex still has anger flowing through her veins at the thought of Lena being accosted like that. “Animals like her should be put down”. 

 

“Hey-”lifting her hand to cup a flushed cheek, Lena can feel how tense Alex's jaw is beneath her fingers “-look at me”. 

 

Stroking the soft skin of Alex's jawline to try and encourage her to relax, Lena is gratified when the strung out agent eventually turned troubled brown eyes to meet her own. “While I may have needed a Super's assistance in saving my life a time or two, I also know how to take care of myself if the occasion calls for it”. 

 

Frowning at her words, Alex lifts a hand to cover the one that is sending all sorts of delicious chills through her body. “There shouldn't BE these sorts of occasions, Lena. She sexually assaulted you, and no one should  _ ever _ have to experience that”. 

 

Until this moment, Lena doesn't think she has ever used the term sexual assault when thinking about the incident. She had used spurned advance, rebuffed come-on, and unrequited encounter than ended violently, plenty of times, but never the words to describe what it actually was.  

 

Eager to move past the whole ordeal, once she had enacted her retribution Lena had tried to trivialise the moment so that she could compartmentalise it with all the other shitty things that had happened to her during her time dealing with sleazy people in the corporate business world.

 

Now however, that Alex has rightly called it out for what it was, Lena can't deny the seriousness of the crime. 

 

“No, they shouldn't”. Her own jaw flexing at not taking better care of herself, Lena swallows as her emotions run rampant. “I was wrong for trying to trivialise what happened to me, and I should have pressed charges against her at the time. Thank you for reminding me I'm worth more than I think I am”. 

 

Smile reaching all the way to her eyes and making them sparkle, Alex gazes down at Lena and almost forgets to breath because of how beautiful the dark haired woman looks, even with tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “Oh Lena, you're worth  _ everything _ ”. 

 

Unable to contain the tears any longer, not after hearing that breathy confession spill from Alex's lips in such a genuine voice, Lena launches herself forwards and wraps the startled woman in her arms. 

 

Caught off guard as Lena practically catapults herself straight at her face, it is only with Alex's cat like reflexes, honed from years of training, that the surprised woman is able to prevent the pair of them from being knocked off the rock and onto the unforgiving ground below. 

 

Shifting so that instead of crashing into her Lena lands in her arms safely, Alex wraps her arms around Lena's waist as she feels the CEO's arms lock firmly around her shoulders. As they tighten to an almost painful intensity Alex is distracted by the fact that Lena is now straddling her body, their chests completely flush against once another's, with the normally stoic woman burying her head into Alex's neck. 

 

It is such a role reversal from last night that Alex doesn't quite know what to make of it, but what she  _ does _ know is that the trembling woman in her arms needs her right now, so she simply holds her tight and whispers softly into her ear while Lena seeks solace in her embrace.  

 

 ****

 

“Thank you”. 

 

Glancing to her left, Alex can't help but be captivated by the sight before her. 

 

Walking parallel to her, thumbs hooked casually into the pockets of her shorts, Lena is a vision that Alex knows will stay with her for a long time to come. 

 

Hair pulled up off her neck into a loose ponytail and tucked through the back of the faded Goonies baseball cap she has stolen from Alex, winning the argument with “It's hot and I have way more hair than you to wrangle”, Lena has tied her flannel shirt around her waist and is now only sporting a fitted black vest. 

 

Combined with the way the sunlight is draping her form with its golden hue, the whole look is leaving Alex struggling to form coherent thought, and all she can manage to reply with is a barely legible “huh?” as she takes a swig of water from her canteen to try and replace all the saliva that just disappeared from her mouth. 

 

“Back there”. Aware they have been walking in silence for over fifteen minutes, Lena gestures vaguely behind them. “Thank you for what you did”. 

 

Offering Lena the canteen, Alex watches in silence for a moment as the graceful woman takes a couple of deep pulls on the water bottle.

 

When Lena hands it back, Alex meets her eyes. “I only did what you'd done for me the night before”. 

 

“So you were simply repaying my kindness?” 

 

The hesitancy in her voice tell Alex's that Lena believes she only comforted her as a way to even the scales between them, to pay off her debt so to speak, and she once again remembers Kara's words on how badly people have abused Lena's trust in the past. 

 

Stepping closer, wishing she wasn't so cumbersome with the backpack, Alex's voice is warm and has a hint of teasing in it when she speaks. “For a certified genius, you really are a big old dummy”. 

 

“I beg your pardon?”

 

“I was providing comfort to a friend when she needed it, not redressing the balance on some cosmic scales”. Lifting her free hand to rest on Lena's shoulder, Alex allows a smile to overtake her face. “We're friends now, and friends provide comfort to each other when they need it without feeling like they are paying off a debt or recalling a favour, because it's just what friends do”. 

 

“Most of the friends I've ever had didn't work that way”. 

 

The storm swirling in Lena's expressive green eyes tell Alex of stories she wants the tightly wound woman to share with her, to unburden them from her past by turning them into just irritating memories, but she knows now is not the time or the place for anymore heartfelt confessions. 

 

So instead Alex opts for a more light-hearted approach. 

 

“Well, you've got different friends now, and these ones are different. For starters-” whipping the hand that had been resting on her shoulder up to peel that hat from her head, and carefully from her ponytail, quicker than Lena can react to, Alex then plops it onto her own head backwards with a devilish smirk on her face “-this one time-shares her hats”. 

 

“Wha....?” Caught out by the move, Lena makes a grab for her head but is way too slow, so is left to tidy up the loosened ponytail as she mock glares at Alex's victorious smile. “I'm not sure I like these new friends, they're kinda sneaky”. 

 

Grinning when she sees her ploy has worked and Lena's mood has lifted, Alex sticks her tongue out childishly as she backs out of reach. “No need to pout Little Luthor, I'll give it back in a while. Time-share, remember”. 

 

Rolling her eyes playfully, Lena wags her finger in mock scolding as she follows after Alex. “This is why I had minions instead of friends, they would NEVER dare to undermine me this way!” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter, but I hope it still holds all the gravitas the previous two had. 
> 
> As ever, please tell me what you liked/hated/made you cry. 
> 
> Reviews/comments keep me writing. 
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you one and all x


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Alex are back to reality, but where do they go from here? 
> 
> Their shared grief draws them closer together, and the pair begin to forge the start of something lasting. 
> 
>  
> 
> (I suck at summaries - its a little sweet, a little sad, just read the thing)

“Are you coming out or not?”

****

From her position on the couch, Lena has to raise her voice to ensure she'll be heard from inside the bathroom. 

****

Hearing the door open with a small squeak, and then the fast padding of socked feet on the wooden floor, Lena lifts the edge of the blanket in preparation. As expected, instead of shuffling around the edge of the couch and sitting down like any reasonable person, show off that she is, Action Danvers vaults the back of it instead and lands with soft thump right next to her. 

****

Pleased grin plastered to her face, like it is every time she does it, Alex smirks at the woman beside her. “I came out over a year ago, didn't you hear?” 

****

Unable to contain the less than graceful snort that escapes her, Lena rolls her eyes as she tosses the blanket over Alex's lap. “Oh my god, have you been taking lessons from Winn on how to tell the lamest jokes in the world?”

****

“Nope, thought of that one all on my own”. 

****

Wiggling to get comfy, Alex lifts her arm to rest on the back of the couch behind Lena's shoulder, and the raven haired woman, without even thinking about it, automatically snuggles in to her side.

****

The move is so natural that the pair barely think about it, as they spend five out of seven nights in each others apartments now, and the past three and a half months have seen a monumental shift in their friendship. 

****

 ***

****

_ The day they get back from the Observatory they head straight to Alex's place, knowing that it is the best base from which to contact everyone and let them know that she is okay.  _

****

_ The rest of the day is spent fielding visits from various people, Alex's modest apartment almost swamped at one point with the number crowding into it, with Lena milling about in the background as she's promised Alex she won't leave after the anxious woman had begged her not to when she'd suggested it.  _

****

_ Eventually, Lena is forced to take charge, practically kicking everyone out when she sees how overwhelmed all the attention is making Alex, and arranges for them to come back at different times, and in smaller groups.  _

****

_ When the last person has gone and Lena is able to close the door on a now quiet apartment, she is surprised to turn and find Alex's eyes on her.  _

****

_ Giving her a small, tired smile, Lena leans back against the door behind her as takes stock of the seated woman. Dark circles are in evidence under her eyes, and her shoulders are sagging as if Alex can barely keep herself upright. She looks exhausted, and Lena knows that trying to keep up a cheerful demeanour for everyone; to try and reassure them that her disappearing act had been nothing to worry about, has taken it out of her.  _

****

_ “I think it's bedtime for you, Agent Danvers”.  _

****

_ Nodding meekly, Alex accepts the truth and starts to lift herself from the couch, but a wave of dizziness catches her off guard and she wobbles for a moment.  _

****

_ “Easy there, champ”. Lena is by her side in a flash, steady hands firm on her waist, preventing Alex from keeling over onto the floor. “Don't want to get you all the way home safe, just for you to end up getting concussion in your own apartment”.  _

****

_ Placing her own hands on Lena's shoulders for balance, Alex takes a few deep breaths to recentre herself. “Sorry. I think I stood up a little too quickly and got a head-rush”.  _

****

_ “I'm not surprised, you've hardly eaten anything all night”. Though her tone is scolding, the look in Lena's eyes is pure concern. “You need to start taking better care of yourself, Alex”.  _

****

_ Telling herself that the shiver caused by the sound of her name slipping from Lena's lips is just a side effect of the dizzy spell, Alex removes her hands from Lena's shoulders and wraps them around her own body self-consciously as she takes a half step backwards, causing Lena to drop her own from Alex's waist in response.  _

****

_ “You're so bossy Little Luthor. You going to make me if I don't agree?” _

****

_ Seeing the signs of Alex retreating into herself, and putting her barriers back up after such an emotionally stressful day, Lena knows better than to push her right now. Instead she simply shakes her head softly. “Even if I had a whole army at my disposal and mind control abilities I couldn't make you do something you didn't want to, not if your mind was really made up, because I've never met a more stubborn duo in this world than the Danvers sisters”.  _

****

_ The mention of Kara is effective in getting Alex to look at Lena, surprise clear in her eyes, and Lena smiles gently when she meets her gaze.  _

****

_ “I used to wonder where such a mild mannered woman got her spine of steel”. After discovering her secret Lena had assumed Kara's confidence came from her Kryptonian heritage, but now she knows better. “It was easy to assume her strength came from being virtually indestructible, but after getting to know you, and seeing the two of you together, I realised that Kara got her true strength from you”.  _

****

_ Not having the energy to guard again the emotional tidal wave that washes through her at Lena's words, Alex feels herself well up immediately. “Kara was always stronger than she gave herself credit for. She never needed me”.  _

****

_ “Kara  _ **_always_ ** _ needed her big sister, and you made sure you were always there for her”. Lena can see how her words are affecting the tired woman and wants to pull her into an embrace, but can read Alex's body language well enough to know any attempt would be rebuffed right now. “She idolised you Alex, and cherished the bond the pair of you shared. She once told me, when she was talking about Eliza and Jeremiah adopting her, that it was the connection you made with her that allowed her to find the courage to deal with what happened to her real family”.  _

****

_ “She really told you that?” Silent tears gliding down her face, Alex gazes at Lena with a look of wonder.  _

****

_ Nodding as she takes a slow step forwards, Lena places a tentative hand on Alex's upper arm, just barely resting on the material of her T shirt above her elbow.  _

****

_ “She used to tell me so many stories about her amazing big sister and all the incredible things you'd done for her, it made me quite jealous”. Giving her a soft smile, Lena chuckles quietly. “It's why I used to joke that I wanted to take you from her; so that I could finally experience what it was like to have a sibling that cared about me properly”.  _

****

_ “Oh”.  _

****

_ Gazing at Lena as she talks, Alex can see the honesty shining in her eyes.  _

****

_ It feels slightly strange to be having such an intimate heart to heart with the woman that used to be her sisters best friend, and who clearly knows a fair bit about her given the fact that Kara loved to ramble, yet at the same time Alex can't picture having this moment with anyone else.  _

****

_ “Even without telling me about the Supergirl side to her, and everything you did to help her through that, Kara was very clear that  _ **_you_ ** _ were her person, Alex. Whenever she struggled with something, or had a crisis of faith, you were the one she turned to. You were her rock, her guide, and her unwavering support. You have an iron core of strength that is unbreakable, and the Danver sisters grew strong from it”.  _

****

_ Finally crumbling under the praise she doesn't feel worthy of right now, Alex reaches out for Lena. _

****

_ Instantly ready to receive her, Lena folds the emotional woman into a secure hug and holds tight as Alex buries her wet face into Lena's warm neck.  _

****

_ “I don't feel very strong right now”.  _

****

_ Stroking her fingers through Alex's hair to try and calm the trembling she can feel shaking her body, Lena turns her head so she can murmur quietly into Alex's ear. “Everyone thinks strength is by being as tough as possible, but we show our real strength when we can feel our vulnerability and not run from it. You're the bravest woman I've ever met, Alex, and you're being incredibly strong right now”. _

****

_ Sobbing like she had that day on Argo City, Alex can no longer hold back the tide that has been building up inside her, and finally releases everything she has been keeping hidden.  _

****

_ Gently guiding her back onto the sofa, Lena slowly lowers them both and carefully arranges Alex so that the fragile woman is able to sit securely on her lap.  _

****

_ Once she is sure Alex is as comfortable as possible, Lena resumes stroking her hair; something she remembers having given comfort when she had done it at the Observatory, and holds the shaking body close to her as she croons in her ear.  _

****

_ Reiterating the words she had said the day of Kara's funeral when she had also held a sobbing Alex in her arms, Lena reassures the overwhelmed woman that she has her, and won't let her go. She tells her she's safe, and that its okay to let it out; because it will just burn a hole inside her if she doesn't.  _

****

_ *** _

****

_ They stay that way until Alex is completely spent, her eyes sore and body more drained than she's ever felt before, with only the sounds of the planes and the night-life from outside filtering through to disturb them.  _

****

_ Once Alex has been calm for a while and Lena feels her starting to drift off to sleep in her arms, she quietly helps her into the bedroom, knowing that the emotionally wrecked woman is going to be feeling crappy enough tomorrow without having a crick in her neck from sleeping in a weird position on her lap.  _

****

_ Studiously looks away when Alex suddenly disrobes in front of her, the exhausted woman too tired to trek to the bathroom so choosing instead to drop her clothes into a pile at her feet and slip under the sheets in just her boy shorts and T shirt, Lena turns back to tuck the sheets around the sleepy agent when she is sure Alex is covered.  _

****

_ “Straight to sleep now, that's an order”.  _

****

_ The gentle tease in her voice manages to elicit a tiny smile from the redhead, who looks so adorable with the sheets pulled up around her chin that Lena can't resist reaching out to brush a stray lock of hair away from her forehead, and the move is so gentle that Alex's eyes flutter closed for a moment as she registers the soft caress of Lena's fingers across her skin.  _

****

_ “I'll see you in the morning”.  _

****

_ Pulling back with a reluctance that Lena knows in her heart is more than just friendly concern, she turns to head back to to the living room, but is stopped when she feels a firm, but careful, hand take hold around her wrist.  _

****

_ Turning back to look at Alex questioningly, she finds turbulence swirling in dark brown orbs once again. “Can....can you...stay?” _

****

_ “I was planning to”.Giving her a gentle smile, Lena places her free hand over the one holding her wrist and strokes it reassuringly. “I'll just be on the sofa if you need anything”.  _

****

_ About to turn again, Lena stops when she feels Alex's fingers tighten.  _

****

_ “Not....Not on the sofa. Here. With me”.  _

****

_ Her voice is so small, so choked, so....unALEX, that Lena barely hears them.  _

****

_ There are no walls now, no barriers left to hide behind.  _

****

_ They are all completely gone.  _

****

_ Alex has lowered them, and she is the most vulnerable she has ever been in her life, right now; yet she is asking Lena to be with her in that moment.  _

****

_ It is a huge act of trust, and Lena feels nothing but honoured that Alex values her this much.  _

****

_ Crouching down so that she can see Alex better in the low light, she speaks just as softly. “Well, it's no tent in the middle of the woods, but I suppose I can rough it for one more night”.  _

****

_ The spurt of laughter her words pull from Alex also release the tears that had been welling in her eyes, and they trickle down across the bridge of her nose, forcing the reclining woman to release Lena's wrist in order to swipe at them.  _

****

_ Pleased that she could entice a laugh from the midst of such a situation, Lena feels her heart ache at the sight of Alex's tears. “Point me in the direction of your pyjama drawer and I'll get myself ready”.  _

****

_ Waving in the direction of a cabinet across from the bed, Alex tells her to help herself, and Lena quickly crosses the room to it.  _

****

_ Opening the first drawer brings her face to face with Alex's underwear, which immediately makes Lena flush in embarrassment, though the analytical (and gay) side of her brain notes the little lacy number nestles amongst all the boy shorts. Closing the drawer while trying not to make any sign of how flustered she is, Lena is thankful her back is to Alex because she is sure her face would give away everything.  _

****

_ Searching through the remaining drawers she soon finds suitable garments; a pair of sweatpants and a well worn DEO T-shirt, then retreats to the bathroom to change.  _

****

_ Glad of the few minutes to pull herself back together, Lena uses the spare toothbrush Alex had told her where to find, lets her hair down and gives it a quick brush, then changes into the borrowed sleepwear.  _

****

_ Feeling more in control of herself now, despite the twinge of longing she'd felt when she'd looked in the mirror and pictured this as her regular nightly routine; her wearing one of Alex's old shirts and about to slip into bed next to the gorgeous redhead, Lena hurries not to keep the anxious woman waiting for too long.  _

****

_ Switching off the rest of the lights in the apartment on her way, Lena uses the glow from her phone to navigate her way back to Alex's bedside.  _

****

_ Half expecting to find the tired woman already asleep, in which case she would have returned to her original plan and slept on the sofa, she instead find Alex's eyes pinned on her. “You took a while. I...I thought you weren't going to come back”.  _

****

_ Kicking herself for making Alex worry, Lena places her phone down on the bedside cabinet and crouches down next to the bed.  _

****

_ “What did I promise you, back at the Observatory?” When the only response she gets is Alex's searching eyes and a slight frown, Lena sighs. “I promised that I will always be here for you when you need me, and all you have to do is ask. You asked me to stay, so I am. I'll stay until you're so bored of me you have to throw me out the window to get rid of me”.  _

****

_ “I could live a thousand lifetimes and never get bored of you”.  _

****

_ The whispered confession hits like an arrow - straight into Lena's fragile but still love sick heart.  _

****

_ It's accuracy is deadly in it efficiency at bypassing all of her own walls and piercing the one minuscule spot that she had almost thought dead. The hope of her own happily ever after.  _

****

_ Throat tightening with emotion, Lena gives a trembly smile as she desperately tries to control her reaction to Alex's incredible words, and instead shifts the focus onto the woman she should be taking care of. “How about we start with tonight, and see how things go from there?” _

****

_ Though she had meant them to mean getting Alex through a difficult night, to Lena's own ears her words sound more like a promise of seeing where the undeniable....something, between goes.  _

****

_ It is a slip of the tongue that has her holding her breath in anticipation, but then she releases it with relief when she sees Alex nod in agreement.  _

****

_ Making her way to the other side of the bed, Lena slips under to covers without further comment, then lays stiffly on her side and stares into the quiet night for the next half an hour as she wills sleep to find her.  _

****

_ Acutely aware that Alex is doing the same, her breathing pattern indicating that she is not sleeping despite her exhaustion, Lena eventually rolls onto her side so that she can look at the outline of the woman laying beside her. “Is there anything I can do to help?” _

****

_ Alex is silent for so long that Lena thinks she isn't going to answer at all, but just when she is about to give up she sees Alex turn her head to look at her.  _

****

_ It is too dark to see her eyes, but Lena knows they are fixed on her face as she can feel the intensity of Alex's stare, the weight of her gaze as she debates whether to say what is on her mind, and without conscious thought Lena's hand seeks out Alex's to provide a small measure of comfort.  _

****

_ Finding it closed into a fist Lena sighs at how tense the tired woman clearly is, then begins to stroke over the soft skin of Alex's hand and forearm, gently encouraging her to relax.  _

****

_ After a few minutes she feels the tension drain from the muscles and Alex's hand unclenches, her fingers loosening, and she glides her hand down over Alex's so that she can interlock their fingers together. “It's okay to talk about anything, I'm here to listen, but if this-” applying a gentle squeeze to their joined hands to indicate her meaning, Lena keeps her voice soft but steady “-is all you can do right now, then that's okay too”.  _

****

_ Knowing from her own years in therapy that grief, anger, and sadness take no linear path when it comes to how they present themselves, Lena wants to ensure Alex knows she will never pressure her to reveal more than she is ready for.  _

****

_ “I'm here for  _ **_you_ ** _ , Alex, and whatever you need”.  _

****

_ The fingers twined with her own tighten in acknowledgement of her words, and Lena knows Alex understands. “Can....would you,maybe....hold me. For a little while?” _

****

_ Closing the gap without a word, Lena gathers Alex into her arms and draws the slightly taller woman against her own body.  _

****

_ Slipping an arm around her waist as she nestles her head into the crook of Lena's shoulder, Alex presses the length of her body against the solid presence she doesn't know how she'd have gotten through the last two days without, and inhales deeply. Feeling her body finally start to relax as Lena's scent surrounds her, Alex squeezes the hand resting on Lena's toned hip gently. “Thank you”.  _

****

_ Closing her eyes as the warm breath that ghosts across her neck sends tingles shooting through her body, Lena instinctively begins to stroke a hand through Alex's hair. “I will always be here for you, Alex, always”.  _

****

_  *** _

****

“The science behind that is totally off, you know”.

****

Hearing a rumble of laughter from above, Lena turns her gaze from the screen to look up at the woman whose legs her head is currently resting on. 

****

Eyes fixed to the screen, Alex seems enthralled by the action happening in the movie, despite knowing the whole thing practically off by heart. “It's fiction, it doesn't have to be accurate”. 

****

“It's  **science** fiction-” huffing at the easy answer, Lena counterpoints “-it should at least be believable enough to make sense”. 

****

Tearing her eyes away from her favourite movie, Alex flicks her gaze down to Lena. “Are you not enjoying it? I know you said you wanted to watch it, but we can put something else on if you prefer”.  

****

“No, it's okay, we can watch to the end”. Not wanting to move from her comfy spot resting on Alex's lap more than an urgent need to find out if John Connor does indeed prevent the robot apocalypse, Lena shakes her head. “I'll just focus on Linda Hamiliton's arms instead of the shoddy physics”. 

****

“Excuse me?” 

****

Turning back to look at the screen, Lena points out the woman in question. “Those are some serious guns, and I'm not talking about the weaponry she's surrounded with”. 

****

“They're alright”. Grumbling a little under her breath, Alex finds herself becoming slightly jealous. “I've seen better”. 

****

Unable to help the little skip of her heart when she turns her eyes back to see Alex frowning at the TV with an adorably cute miffed expression on her face, Lena chuckles . “I've also seen your arms, Director Danvers, and Sarah Connor pales mightly in comparison”.  

****

Watching in delight as her words send a flush of red racing up Alex's neck and across her much healthier cheeks, Lena can't help feeling relieved by how much the short haired woman has recovered since that first night home. 

****

It hasn't been easy, as grief never is, but after countless nights spent at each others apartments, thousands of hours in each others company, and a lot of broken down barriers, Lena is confident Alex is on the road to recovery. 

****

***

****

_ Having to return to work the day after they get back, Lena leaves Alex curled up in bed with a soft kiss on the forehead and the assurance that she will be back later.  _

****

_ The day drags as Lena is unable to focus properly.  _

****

_ Her mind is constantly on the sleepy redhead, and she finds herself smiling every time she thinks about how difficult she’d found it to part from Alex when she'd woken up to discover herself being the little spoon in a toasty cuddle; the pair of them reversing roles while they had slept, but she makes sure to get everything done as quickly as possible so that she can leave at a reasonable time.  _

****

_ When she arrives at Alex's apartment she finds the redhead still wrapped up in bed, having not eaten all day, so Lena immediately orders her into the shower and calls for take out.  _

****

_ By the time Alex emerges from the bathroom, wet hair combed back from her face and comfy sweats thankfully covering the delectable legs Lena has such a hard time not being obvious about ogling, the pizzas have already arrived.  _

****

_ Flopping down onto the couch heavily, Alex feels her stomach gurgle in painful reminder that she has failed to consume anything today the second she catches a whiff of the delicious smells emanating from the greezy boxes. “Exactly how many pizzas did you order?”  _

****

_ “You may not be a Super, but you're still a Danvers, and I'm aware of how much food you can consume”. Bringing plates and wine from the kitchen, Lena sits down next to Alex. “Plus, I realised I wasn't really sure what you liked”.  _

****

_ Scooting three of the four boxes towards Alex, Lena takes the forth for herself. “I got you a plain cheese, a meat feast, and an everything except fish, coz that’s just sacrilige on pizza, to cover all bases”.  _

****

_ Touched by the thought, Alex eagerly dives into the first box and tears a chunk from the cheesy goodness in front of her. “What did you get?” _

****

_ “Nothing a Danvers would touch with a ten foot pole, or a sharp stick”. Quirking an eyebrow at Alex, she silently tells her she hasn't forgotten about the 'poking' incident in the woods. “It's vegan”. _

****

_ The food now warming her belly able to revitalise Alex's spirits, she flashes Lena a quick smile. “Hey, that stick was to protect us from bears, and I was just testing its effectiveness!”   _

****

_ “Are you saying I'm comparable to a bear?” Nibbling on her own food, Lena is pleased to see the difference in Alex's mood, and is glad she made the decision to leave work when she did. “Besides, you had a gun, what on earth did you need a stick for?”  _

****

_ “I've seen you go after people, and I'd rather face the bear any day of the week”. Chuckling at the look on Lena's face, Alex pauses eating when she realises she practically inhaled an entire pizza already. “You're a force to be reckoned with, and I pity anyone that has to face your wrath”.  _

****

_ Handing Alex a glass of wine, Lena still doesn't know whether to be insulted or not. “I don't suffer fools gladly, but that doesn't mean I'm....scary”.  _

****

_ “You're aloof, and guarded, which can often come across as scary”. Sipping her drink, Alex considered the quiet woman. “Take it from someone that's spent her entire life doing exactly the same thing, it builds up a certain amount of fear for those that don't know how to navigate beyond the perimeter”.  _

****

_ Putting her own food down, barely a quarter of it eaten, in favour of cradling her wine glass, Lena contemplates Alex's words. “My barriers grew long before I really knew that they were happening, a side effect of childhood trauma I suppose, but they've been necessary. The Luthor legacy has certainly supplied me with a cavalcade of people trying to trample over me in order to use me how they see fit, and I've had to be hard to survive in business”.  _

****

_ “That's not all you are though”.  _

****

_ Lifting her gaze to meet Alex's, Lena's brows crease in consternation. “It's how most of the world care to see me”.  _

****

_ “Not anymore. Not since.....” _

****

_ Unable to finish her sentence, Alex stops, but they both know what she means.  _

****

_ Not since THAT photo. _

****

_ Dropping her eyes down to her glass, Lena feels her chest get tight.  _

****

_ She has been able to keep herself together by not focusing on her own pain; by steadfastly ignoring the gaping void in her own life that the death of her best friend had made.  _

****

_ Filling it with too much work and important business to even consider falling apart at how empty her life was now that the bubbly blonde that had been her sole reason for smiling no longer existed, Lena tried to fool herself into believing she wasn't a wreck that just didn't know how to deal with the emotional fallout of everything she was feeling, yet THAT photo made a mockery of it all.  _

****

_ “I had no idea that picture was even taken, much less was going to be published”.  _

****

_ At the time, she'd been angry that James hadn't given her any warning, but looking back Lena realises she'd ignored his every attempt to get in contact with her.  _

****

_ “I tried to get it taken down. I....I didn't want our moment....sullied, like that, but by the time I became aware of its existence it was already too far out there for my influence to do any good”.  _

****

_ “I'm glad you couldn't pull it”.  _

****

_ Looking up at Alex's quiet words, Lena frowns. “Why?” _

****

_ “Because, despite how…..devastating it is, the image is also beautiful”. Placing her food aside, appetite vanished now they are once again discussing Kara, Alex pulls a cushion onto her lap to cuddle. Resting her chin atop the improvised comforter, she looks at Lena  with understanding brown orbs. “You were open and honest in your grief, and the whole world got to see the woman behind the façade you normally keep around yourself. It showed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how much you loved Supergirl, and were truly devastated by her death. That photo allowed the world to see the woman my sister always wanted them to, and now they love her just as much as Kara always did”.  _

****

_ Tears trickling down her face at Alex's words, Lena feels the seals over her fractured heart start to buckle. “I wish I'd gotten to know all of her while there was still time”.  _

****

_ Placing the cushion on the floor next to her feet and her glass on the coffee table, Alex opens her arms in silent invitation.  _

****

_ With only a moment's hesitation; the urge to feel connected to a part of Kara (and knowing she will find that in no better place that Alex's arms) overriding her intrinsic fear of  showing weakness in front of others, Lena abandons her own glass of wine on her journey into the warm embrace of the waiting woman.  _

****

_ Pulling the quietly weeping CEO tightly against her, Alex wraps firm arms around Lena's body and ensures she is nestles comfortably  into her frame. Rubbing Lena's back gently as she feels hot tears against her neck, Alex feels guilty that she has been so wrapped up in her own grief that she has been completely oblivious to Lena's.  _

****

_ “I know it won't be the same, and it's going to be painful for me to talk about to start, but I'm willing to tell you everything about her that I know”.  _

****

_ Nodding fervently into her shoulder, Lena feels incredibly grateful that Alex is able to offer such an unselfish gift. “I miss her so much that I'm scared to even think about it for fear of having to face how alone I truly am without her”.  _

****

_ “Hey”. Cupping Lena's face gently, Alex brings the reluctant woman up to face her. “You're not alone, Lena, and you never will be, okay? You've got me. Always. And we're going to get through this, together”.  _

****

_ Eyes welling up with yet more tears, this time of happiness at the thought of having someone fighting in her corner just as hard as she is in theirs, Lena gazes at Alex with unbridled hope. “You promise?” _

****

_ Releasing Lena's cheek so she can hold up her hand, Alex curls all her fingers into a loose fist except the littlest one. “Pinky promise”. _

****

_  *** _

****

“So, you like my arms, huh?”

****

The smirk on Alex's face is cocky, but the blush gives away how nervous she is with the compliment. 

****

Having had to practically pin the reluctant woman down and force feed her on some of her darker days just to ensure she had some sort of sustenance keeping her going, Lena knows how hard Alex had to fight to regain the weight, and accompanying muscle, she lost during her grieving period.  

****

“Just because I don't indulge in gossip, it doesn't mean I don't hear it”. Unwilling to admit how much the sight of Alex in a sleeveless tank top sets her heart racing, Lena quickly diverts the focus away from herself. “You have quite an army of admirers at the DEO; ones that willingly get their backsides handed to them just for the chance to lay hands on those very arms”. 

****

“What?” Startled brown eyes wide in shock. “That's....that's.....ridiculous! I'm their boss. I'm there for them to learn from, not lech over!” 

****

“Awww, what's the matter Director Danvers, you never heard the expression 'Hot for Teacher'?”

****

Chuckling at the way Alex blushes even harder at her teasing, Lena tries not to think about how jealous she'd been when she'd overheard the young agents fawning over their interaction with Alex during their sparring session. 

****

Listening to them describe the way they'd gotten to glide their hands over her sweat slicked muscles, and press their bodies in close as she'd demonstrated how to pin an unarmed adversary to the ground, had made Lena wish for her own Superpowers so that she could throw them both into space for daring to lust over what was so clearly  _ hers _ . 

****

Except she wasn't. 

****

Alex wasn't Lena's, because Lena was to much of a coward to admit that all her gentle flirting was more than friendly playing. 

****

The last few months had forged such a strong bond between herself and Alex, and brought with it a kind of peace and happiness that Lena had never known before, that as a result she was now too terrified to do anything to screw it up. 

****

Anything like admit she was in love with her dead best friends sister. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait on this one, I got a little distracted with a couple of one shots from the last couple of episodes! 
> 
> Let me know what you think - as ever your comments fuel my creativity, and I love hearing how my words make you feel, so PLEASE don't be shy. 
> 
> Come chat with me x


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Superman offworld and the DEO facing an alien threat that only a Kryptonian can handle, what is to be done? 
> 
> As it turns out, Lena may have the solution! 
> 
> Experiments with Super blood and Harun'el have created a serum that can turn a human into a Kryptonian, but who will volunteer to take it? 
> 
> Of course, none other than our loyal Agent Danvers steps up to the plate, willing to take on her little sisters powers for the sake of the planet. 
> 
> But what will this mean for Alex and Lena and their developing feelings for each other? Can a Super and a Luthor be together?

“What do you mean there's nothing we can do?”

****

Staring at Winn as the screens in front of them are lit up with the incoming threat, Alex refuses to believe his negative attitude despite the dire circumstances.

****

“There must be SOMETHING?”

****

Practically cowering under his desk from the glower she is directing at him, Winn whimpers low in his throat as he gestures at the the monitors. “They're a category four species. Last time we dealt with them they put twelve of our guys in the hospital, four in the morgue, and almost destroyed the entire harbour before Kara worked out how to stop them. A Kryptonian is the only kind of alien that can withstand their heat blasts and get close enough to take out their central nervous system, and with Superman off world at Argo City for the blessing of his son we have no way to defend ourselves against them right now”. 

****

“Sonofa.....” 

****

Running a hand through her hair in frustration, Alex grits her teeth together to bite off the rest of her words. She knows it isn't Clark's fault, as he had expressly asked her permission to make the trip in order to get his son ordained in Rao's light, so she can't really hold it against him. 

****

“Are you really telling me that we have no way to defend ourselves against these Hyn'nec forces?”

****

The look on Winn's face is answer enough, but he shakes his head anyway. “None of our weapons are going to do more than piss them off, and cause our forces to become targets. Which is exactly what happened last time. We have no way to defend ourselves without Superman”. 

****

Mind whirring at how fast a city wide evacuation could be completed, Alex is about to give the orders to start pulling people from their homes when she catches sight of Lena stepping up beside her. 

****

Aware that the dark haired woman had been hovering in the doorway for some time, drawn from her usual spot in the lab by all the commotion no doubt, Alex finds comfort in the sight of the  stunning woman even as she frowns when she realises that Lena looks nervous. 

****

“That might not be completely accurate, Mr. Schott”. 

****

Both the seated man and Alex fix attentive eyes on Lena immediately, who seems paler than normal, and she finds herself instantly regretting her decision to speak. 

****

“Oh please tell me you've been secretly working on some piece of tech you've not mentioned that is going to kick these sons - or daughters, of bitches asses!” The hope in Winn's voice, and the way his face lights up in anticipation that she may have invented a new gadget for him to play with, is almost childlike, and Lena feels like a bad parent depriving their kid of a new toy. 

****

“No tech, but I did come up with something”. Meeting Alex's gaze is incredibly difficult, as the guilt of the secret she's been keeping all this time is clawing at her chest like a fireball, but Lena forces herself to connect with steady brown eyes as she knows she owes it to their friendship to be looking directly at her when she drops this bombshell on her. “I've managed to create a serum that will, essentially, turn a human into a Kryptonian”. 

****

“You've done WHAT?”

****

Seeing pain flash across Alex's face a half second before her anger, Lena braces herself for the rage that is sure to follow. 

****

Just as it seems Alex's is about to explode however, Winn jumps between them, and cuts her off by moving the conversation along. 

****

“Wow! Lena, that's....that's, incredible. How.....how.... **_how_ ** did you do that?” 

****

Prevented from venting like intended, Alex spins on her heel and beginning pacing, though remains at her post on the command desk, and Lena can tell she is still listening. 

****

Eyes locked on the constantly moving figure, Lena sighs heavily as she explains. “Once Supergirl and I made up over the fight we had about my making Kryptonite without her knowledge, I wanted to prove to her that I  _ was _ on her side. So I told her I wanted to try and find a way to make her immune to the effects of Kryptonite”. 

****

At her words, Alex stops pacing and frowns. “Kara told me about the conversation you had with her about that. She was so happy. Practically floated everywhere the whole day. But as far as I know you never managed it?”

****

“Not in time. No”. The guilt threatens to choke her once more, and Lena has to look away from Alex's questioning eyes to try and compose herself. “But three days after Clark left for Argo City, I finally cracked it”. 

****

“You did it?!” Voice squeaky with excitement, Winn bounces in his chair as he beams up at Lena. “Yeah, of course you did it! You're Lena  **FREAKING** Luthor!!”

****

Despite the ache in her chest Lena can't help the small smile that quirks her lip at the sight of Winn's over the top enthusiasm, but it quickly drops from her face when she risks looking at Alex. 

****

Staring at her in shock, Alex looks flabbergasted by the revelation, and nowhere near as pleased as Winn. “You found the cure for Kryptonite poisoning two months ago, but didn't tell me?”

****

Swallowing heavily, Lena feels her stomach roll into knots. 

****

She knows how bad it sounds, because the evenings they are together; which is more often than not now, they usually catch each other up on what they have been doing with their day. They tell each other everything, right down to boring little anecdotes like how many times Lena had to scold Jess for calling her Miss Luthor when it was just the two of them, so for something this big to have been left out for so long seems like a huge violation of trust. 

****

“It's still just a theoretical cure at this point”. Sounding weak to her own ears, Lena can't help wincing as the pitiful excuse leaves her mouth. “I didn't see the point in getting anyone's hopes up until Clarke returned and I could put it to the test”. 

****

Alex is about to retort with something that Lena strongly suspects is the word bullshit, but is prevented from doing so when Vasquez calls her name and directs her attention to the monitors. 

****

On the screen, which is satellite footage of the approaching spacecraft, the group of  Hyn'nec ships have just broken orbit and are beginning their descent into Earth's atmosphere. “We predict them to be here in less than an hour”. 

****

Seeing Alex stare at the screens helplessly, Lena knows that she has no choice but to press forward. 

****

Moving towards her, she places a hand on Alex's arm, then apologises when the tense woman almost jumps a foot in the air in surprise. “You can be as mad as you want at me later, but right now we need to deal with this situation”. 

****

Giving her a glare that would have half her soldiers cowering in the corner, Alex grits her teeth for a moment as she considers Lena's words, then nods tersely. “What's this serum you mentioned?”

****

“As well as curing Kryptonite sickness, I was also working on a way to restore a Kryptonian's powers should they ever lose them for any reason”. Seeing Alex and Winn's eyes grow wide as she talks, Lena begins to get nervous once more. “It's something Kara, as Supergirl, confessed to me as a secret fear when we were discussing her weaknesses”.

****

“Kara never told me that”. Alex looks deeply saddened that her sister hadn't trusted her with her worries.

****

“I would image she didn't want to burden you any further than she had to”. Feeling guilty for placing more anguish on Alex's shoulders, especially right now, Lena wishes she could do something to ease the redhead's pain. “I needed some of Supergirl's blood to run tests for the Kryptonite trials anyway, which she told me she got while her powers were blown out and rendered her as human as the rest of us-” at Lena's questioning eyebrow Alex nods in confirmation “-so I figured it was a good basis with which to try and reverse engineer a way to turn it back into Kryptonian blood using the Harun'el. It took me a long time, but I finally did it, and all that needs to be done now is inject it into a host. The serum will convert their blood automatically, and change their genetic make-up along with it”.  

****

“You actually did it? You found a way to turn a human into a Kryptonian?” Sounding like he's choking on his tongue, Winn stares at Lena like she is his new Messiah. 

****

Ignoring him in favour of maintaining eye contact with Alex, Lena nods slowly in confirmation.

****

Practically whispering as she speaks, her words are impossibly soft. “I promised Kara that the Earth would never be left without a protector, and I gave my word her powers would  **always** be ready to defend it when needed; so I didn't stop trying until I managed to fulfil that promise. I know I can't restore them to her, but I  _ can _ ensure her powers continue to be used to help the planet that she loved, and gave her life protecting”. 

****

Stunned by Lena's words, Alex feels a stray tear escape from her right eye and streak down her cheek. 

****

As she stares at the woman who, once upon a time she had thought of as nothing more than her little sisters best friend, but has now come to think of as not only HER best friend but her soul-mate, Alex finds herself in motion before she can even think about it. 

****

Enveloping the raven haired woman in a breath stealing hug, Alex squeezes her so tightly against her body that Lena actually lets out a little yelp of surprise. The moment quickly passes as she feels Alex's warm breath against her neck, the sensation sending tingles of pleasure shooting through her veins, and she returns the hug with equal fervour. 

****

“Thank you. This means......everything”. Closing her eyes as she presses her face against the smooth warmth of Lena's neck, Alex breathes in the heady mix of Lena's perfume and delicate skin lotion as her pulse skyrockets. 

****

Aching to be able to press her lips to the enticing column, like she has fantasised about doing for so long, Alex wishes to finally be able to taste the delectable skin that taunts her every day of her life. 

****

She also wants to be able to tell Lena every single thing she feels; right here, right now, in this moment. 

****

She wants to tell Lena how her heart melts every time she looks at her, because all she can think about is how beautiful her soul is, and how kind and gentle a person she is to the world. Or how her pulse hammers every time Lena innocently brushes her fingertips over a piece of Alex's exposed skin, because it makes her ache to kiss her; then make love to her in order to show her exactly how her what is in her heart. and more than anything she wants to tell Lena that when she lays her head in her lap and closes her eyes during a movie, that Alex sees her doing it not just for that night or the next, but for forever, and as a family.

****

She wants to tell her it all now, because she knows that after this moment she might not ever get another chance. For what she is about to do might mean they may not get tomorrow.

****

Instead, Alex pulls back, and reluctantly drops her arms from the woman that has become her home. 

****

Swallowing hard, she gives Lena a resolute smile, then says the words she knows there will be no coming back from. 

****

“Give me the serum”. 

****

 ****

****

“Are you sure about this?”

****

Looking up at Lena, Alex can see the worry in her eyes despite her attempts to remain calm.

****

“It's going to work as intended, right? I'm not going to end up glowing green am I?” Nervous herself, Alex is trying to not freak out at the idea of living the rest of her life with Kara's powers. 

****

“The science is sound, I promise you”. Placing a gentle hand on the seated woman's arm, Lena steps closer as sincerity shines in her eyes. “I never would have told anyone the serum existed if I wasn't one hundred percent sure it was,  **especially** as I knew  _ you _ would volunteer to take it first. I just don't want you to feel pressured into taking it out of loyalty to Kara, because I know it's something you feel like you should do. You've lived your whole life for her, Alex. Please don't feel like you need to die for her too”.  

****

The hitch in Lena's voice; the one that alerts Alex that the stoic scientist is more affected by all this then she is letting on, causes guilt to well up in her chest. Back in the ops room, when she'd announced that she would take the serum, Alex had seen panic and fear flash across Lena's face for a microsecond. 

****

It had been so fast that had she not been gazing directly at her as she'd said it then Alex would have missed it completely, with the business woman smoothing her usual steadfast expression back into place with hardly an eye blink to show she was affected. 

****

However, Alex  _ had _ seen it, and because she knows Lena, she knows that while the CEO will have accept Alex's choice to use the experimental serum on herself, she will be freaking out about losing her like she did Kara. 

****

Shifting in her seat so she can scoot closer to the woman she is secretly in love with, Alex takes both of Lena's hands in her own and brings them up to press against her chest, just above her own pounding heart.  

****

“I'm doing this because it's the  **right** thing to do”. Gazing into gorgeous green eyes, Alex finds tears gathering in her own, but fights to contain them as she continues to speak. “I, more than any other human on this planet, have the closest thing to experience with Kryptonian powers, which in theory makes me the most qualified to handle getting my own. I'm making this decision based on logic, sound reasoning, and tactical effectiveness-” dipping her head slightly, she does concede “-and only slightly because I deem no other person alive on this planet worthy of my sisters gifts”. 

****

Huffing out a small bubble of laughter at the confession, Lena tangles her fingers into the material of Alex's top as she raises an eyebrow teasingly. “No one huh?”

****

Seeing the meaning behind the tease, Alex cups Lena's cheek with one hand as a soft smile takes over her face. “Well, there is  **one** person special enough; but she's far too precious for me to ever risk her life doing something as dangerous as this. I need her to stay here, where its safe, because she's my family. She's  _ my _ safe place; my home, and my heart. I need her here so I can return to her when I'm done up there, and keep me human when I no longer am”.   

****

The softly spoken words are not what Lena was expecting, at all - and effectively rob her of the ability to think.  

****

“Guys, I don't mean to interrupt your little love moment, but if we're going to give Alex enough time to practice with her powers AND engage the Hyn'nec before they reach civilisation we need to be getting her dosed kinda now-ish”.  

****

Gaping like a fish just pulled out of the ocean, it is only when Winn come barrelling into the lab and destroys the tension surrounding them that Lena realises they have just been staring at each other in complete silence; Alex patiently waiting for a reply to her heartfelt words, and she without a clue what to say to the woman she loves more than anything on the planet. 

****

Alex is the first to respond to the intrusion and drops her hand from Lena's cheek as a guilty flush stains her face, Winn's words burning hotly through her chest. “What? There's no lo....um...love moment, going o.....on here”. 

****

Having dropped her eyes along with her hand, Alex doesn't see the way Lena's face crumples, just for a moment, at the denial. 

****

“Look guys, it's no biggie”. Winn waves Alex off nonchalantly. “If you to want to keep things on the DL because of work its cool by me, but I just want to say I totally approve, and I know for a fact that Kara would too”. 

****

“Wh....What?”

****

The way Alex has to suck in a huge lungful of air mid question, as if she has been sucker punched part way through, draws Winn's attention away from the tablet he is tapping away on and back to the woman who is now trying desperately not to hyperventilate. 

****

Frowning at the twin sets of stunned eyes pinning him with incredulous looks, Winn shrugs in his typically careless way. “Kara always said you two would be perfect for each other, and long hoped you would realise that your 'stubbornness, determination, fear of real connection but ability to love with your entire being, and loyalty to those you love,' made you perfect for each other and do something about it”.  

****

“Oh”. 

****

The words, so quintessentially Kara, hit both women like sledgehammers to the chest. 

****

“I, for one, am glad you've finally taken the bull by the horns. Not that I'm saying one of you is a bull!-” stammering over his words when he fears he may have inadvertently made a lesbian faux par, Winn looks stricken as he remembers all the ways that Alex can inflict injury with just one finger BEFORE being turned into a Super, so rushes the rest of his words to try and explain himself “-I just mean I'm glad you're a couple, because I love both you guys with all my heart and I think you're super cute together, what with all the heart eyes you make at each other when you think the other isn't looking. Plus I'm way over hearing all the lovesick cadets swooning over Captain Biceps here all the time so I'm sure J'onn wouldn't mind you two giving each other a little peek on the cheek every now and again if it stopped him accidentally mind reading some newbies fantasies....anyhoo should we get on with the turning Alex into a superhero so she can save the planet thing?”

****

Gazes swinging between the man with verbal diarrhoea and each other, Lena and Alex don't quite know what to do with all the information they've just been given. 

****

The news that Kara had thought, for a long time apparently, that they would make a good couple, catches them both off guard. It is something that has been playing on both women's minds in the last few months as they come to terms with their developing feelings for the other; how Kara would have reacted to the news that her sister had romantic feelings for her best friend/vice versa, so to hear that not only would she have been okay with it but she had actually seen the potential between them long before they themselves had, comes as a huge relief to each of them. 

****

However, the fact that Winn believes they are already a couple and are only keeping it under wraps to appear professional for Alex's work throws them for a complete loop. 

****

Both women knew they were  _ very _ close to the other, but were still under the assumption that they were able to hide their romantic feelings from the woman in question, and anyone they were around, with a degree of efficiency that left their interactions on a 'just friends' basis. 

****

Winn's words left a very big hole in that assumption. 

****

When their eyes meet and hold, Alex sees something in Lena's that she wants to believe is what she thinks it is. Hope. 

****

Hope that Winn isn't completely off base with his observations about their glances at one another, and that Alex has been looking at her in the same way that she has been gazing at her when the gorgeous and brilliant woman has been oblivious to her eyes on her. 

****

There is so much that Lena wants to say in that moment. 

****

So much that it makes her throat burn with the urgent need to confess everything she feels for Alex as the fear that she might never get another chance to do so ricochets through her like a crazed bullet, and her heart thump in her chest like it might burst at any second. 

****

“Alex, I.....”

****

“Winn, can you give us a second?” Without taking her eyes off the fidgeting woman in front of her, Alex interrupts Lena and directs her voice across to the man currently leaning over the syringe loaded with serum destined for her veins. 

****

Looking up, Winn is able to read the charged atmosphere between the two as easily as if it was painted on the wall. “Oh, yeah sure. I'll just......”

****

Without bothering to finish his sentence Winn beats a hasty retreat from the room, and the clang of the door behind him as it echoes slightly in the room signifies to the two women that they are once again alone. 

****

“I need you to know....”

****

Lena's second attempt to confess her feelings is again cut off by Alex, but this time her interruption is not verbal. 

****

Instead, Alex surges up from the chair and catches her completely off guard by kissing her. 

****

The move is so unexpected that Lena is stunned into stillness for a few seconds, and all she can do is stand stupefied as every part of her that is being touched by Alex hums with electricity. 

****

One of Alex's hands is on her hip, fingers splayed and curling into her flesh just tightly enough to pull Lena's body against her own, while her other has delved into raven locks and anchored itself at the nape of her neck. They are both sending ripples of pleasure shooting out across Lena's body, which is already aching for more contact, but her brain has stalled at the fact that Alex's lips are currently pressed against her own; and are slowly driving her crazy with desire. 

****

The kiss is passionate and needy, but restrained and careful at the same time. 

****

When Alex's tongue traces across Lena's bottom lip it triggers a flood of arousal in the shell-shocked woman's body and unfreezes her from the stupor she had been in. It causes her hands to come up and grip the redhead's tactical top tightly, and Lena growls low in her throat with desire as she pulls Alex closer so that she can deepen the kiss even more. 

****

Both women feel all their walls disappear in that moment. 

****

They pour everything they feel, everything they hope, and everything they long for into the kiss, and as a result it is filled with such raw passion that it ends up taking both by surprise. 

****

When they pull away they are breathing hard, both their chests heaving to try and draw air back into their lungs, and they rest their foreheads together as they take a moment to recover. 

****

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that without asking your permission first”. Still sounding slightly breathless, Alex strokes her thumb across Lena's skin where her hand is resting on her hip just under her top. “I just couldn't face the thought of living the rest of my life as a Kryptonian without ever having gotten to experience kissing you again. Though I'm hoping, given that you kissed me back, that I get to avoid being slapped this time”. 

****

Trembling as Alex's thumb causes waves of pleasure to trickle through her body, Lena chuckles at her words. “I told you to make sure I want to be kissed before trying again, and it appears you listened”. 

****

“So I can kiss you some more?” 

****

Pulling back so she can look the taller woman in the eye, Lena cups Alex's face between her hands gently. “Alexandra Danvers, if you ever stop kissing me I will kick your ass all the way from here to Mars and back, Kryptonian or no”. 

****

“Oh, that sounds like a challenge Little Luthor-” grinning as her arms tighten around Lena's waist, pulling the CEO even closer, Alex lowers her voice seductively “-and you know how much I dislike losing”. 

****

Just before their lips can connect again the door to the lab is yanked open with a squeak, and Winn is once more interrupting them. 

****

“Guys, we're out of time. Alex needs to become a Super, now!”

****

 ****

****

“Did it have to be  _ this _ one?”

****

Plucking at the skin-tight black outfit she is reluctantly clad in, the look on Alex's face clearly demonstrates that she is less than overjoyed by Winn's choice for her Superhero suit. 

****

“Well, I didn't really have any time to make a new suit”. Scratching behind his ear nervously, Winn can tell that Alex isn't happy. “I didn't think wearing one of Supergirl's outfits would be appropriate, plus I didn't really see you as a mini skirt kinda girl, so the outfit from when Kara hulked out and went all Queen Bee on Red K was the only option I was left with”. 

****

“It just feels...weird, to be wearing it after everything”. Alex doesn't like the associations she has with this suit, and scowls at the cowering man.  

****

“Unless you want to be fighting these things naked, it’s your only option right now-” Lena, ever the voice of reason, steps in before Winn crumbles under Alex's hard stare “-because I know I, for one, would rather half the DEO doesn't get to ogle your bare body while you zoom about the sky”. 

****

Knowing she is right, Alex quits frowning at Winn and turns to cast a quizzical eyebrow at the delectable woman instead. “Oh? And is my body not fit to be seen by the general public?”

****

Walking over like a panther stalks her prey, Alex watches as Lena slowly approaches her.

****

As her heart-rate spikes and her mouth goes dry just from the look in Lena's eye, Alex can feel herself getting turned on again, but fights to appear unaffected as the intimidating woman draws near. 

****

Not stopping until she almost bumps into her, Lena immediately places her hands on Alex's shoulders and resoundingly kisses her. Though it is short in duration, the kiss is forceful and determined, and leaves Alex slightly off balance as she has not been expecting it in the slightest. 

****

Pulling back, Lena is gratified to see the dazed expression in Alex's eyes in when she opens them, and gives her a satisfied smile. “Your body is incredible, Agent Danvers. But I would also appreciate it if you kept it for my eyes only”. 

****

Giving her a dopey grin in return, Alex nods happily. “There is no one else I want to show it to”. 

****

“Good to know, and I promise I’ll make you a new suit once you’ve dealt with these Hyn’necs”. Flashing a quick dazzling smile, Lena takes a half step back and drops her hands from Alex's shoulders as her heart goes wild in her chest, all her emotions fighting for dominance at once. “Now, Agent Danvers. Are you ready to get yourself some powers?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think? 
> 
> As ever, your comments are honey to me. 
> 
> Please let me know if you're still liking it x


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With malevolent aliens about to invade, Alex takes the serum to become a Kryptonian. 
> 
> However, things don't go quite as smoothly as planned.

“Ouch!”

****

Flinching as the needle pierces her skin, Alex hears a deep rumble of low laughter come from the woman that had just injected her. 

****

“Aww come on, how am I just finding out now that Action Danvers is afraid of needles?”

****

Looking up to find an amused expression on Lena's face, Alex pouts as she rubs at the spot the raven haired woman has just put a plaster on. “Maybe because I knew I'd never hear the end of it once you did”. 

****

Shaking her head wryly, Lena grins. “I admit it. Knowing the woman that throws herself off buildings without batting an eye is squeamish about a tiny needle, is kinda funny”. 

****

“That thing was NOT tiny!” Alex points to the behemoth (in her opinion) looking needle laying in the tray on the table next to them. “It damn near felt like it was splitting my arm in half”. 

****

Leaning over, Lena places a quick kiss on top of the plaster. “Well, I guess it's a good thing you're about to become invulnerable then”. 

****

“How long is it supposed to ta.....aaa....aaaaaHH!” 

****

The rest of Alex's words are cut off as a sharp burning sensation shoots through her, starting from the injection site in her arm and spreading incredibly fast throughout her whole body, until it feels like her entire nervous system is on fire. 

Stumbling backwards as she clutches her arm, Alex collapses down onto one knee and tenses her muscles as she tries to focus on the sensation in an attempt to control it. The pain is almost overwhelming; like a blast of pure lava coursing straight through her veins, and she has to grit her teeth so hard, to prevent herself from screaming, that she feels like they might shatter at any moment. 

****

Hearing Lena call her name, panic clear in her voice, causes Alex to hold up a hand in warning as she knows the woman well enough to know she will rush to her side without thinking about the possible consequences.

****

“Stay back”. Raising her head so she can look into fretting green orbs, Alex swallows hard at the guilt she sees swirling in them. “I.....I'm okay. It hurts-” unable to deny what is so plainly obvious, Alex has to concede the truth even though she sees it causes Lena to flinch when she does “-but it's part of the process, right?” 

****

“I'm so, so sorry”. Voice thick with sorrow as tears stream down her cheeks, Lena covers her mouth with her hands in horror as she watches Alex's body strain under the pressure of the serum. “I never should have tried to do this. It.....it's too much. It's going to kill you!”

****

Gritting her teeth even harder, Alex takes a deep breath then, with a monumental effort, finds the strength inside her to stand up so she can gaze at the crying woman properly. “I trust you with my life, Lena. You said this will work, so I  **know** it will”. As soon as she finishes talking, instead of continuing to try to force the pain away like she has been doing, Alex immediately relaxes every muscle she can and accepts the fiery torture into her body. 

****

Because she closes her eyes as she does, Alex fails to see the physical way her body reacts to her decision. 

****

However, Lena doesn't. 

****

Lena sees the black lines that race across Alex’s body, outlining each and every artery throughout her system as the serum disperses to every organ, muscle, tendon, and sinew now that it is unhindered by Alex’s resistance to the pain, and the scientist in her is completely fascinated by the sight. 

****

The whole process takes less than seven seconds, and is almost as frightening as it is spectacular at its culmination when virtually all of Alex's skin is radiating an eerie black hue. It then seems to glow for a long moment, before disappearing completely. 

****

The second it does there is a loud bang, and all the windows in the lab shatter simultaneously.

****

The noise is terrifying, and the glass flying through the air is completely lethal to anyone caught in the crossfire as the shards are big enough to tear through flesh with ease. 

****

The second it happens Lena instinctively closes her eyes and lifts her hands to cover her head, attempting to partially protect herself, but realistically knows there is very little chance of not being hit and catastrophically injured by several pieces of glass.

****

After a few seconds of bracing for the pain that is guaranteed to flood her system, when Lena finds herself still without the overwhelming injuries she was expecting, she is forced to crack open a cautious eye to investigate what is going on.

****

What she sees has the matching eye pinging open in shock in quick measure; as what she discovers has Lena disbelieving her own sight and needing both eyes to take in her full surroundings in order to process the total reality of the situation.  

****

For where the lab had been, mere seconds before, now stands desert for miles in every direction. 

****

Vast, hot, barren desert stretching as far as the eye can see, with not a building or outhouse visible to the young CEO no matter which way she turns, has replaced the cool interior of the DEO lab that had been in the process of turning into a exploding death trap, and Lena is stumped as to when, or how, the switch had occurred. 

****

However, she is pulled from her daze a moment later when the phone in the pocket of her jacket starts ringing, and she scrabbles to answer it. 

****

“Lena, what the hell happened to the lab?” Winn's voice is reedy and thin, the high pitched quality to it a clear indication that he is currently freaking out, and his questions come thick and fast through the receiver. “Are you okay? Where's Alex? Is she with you? Did  **she** do this?”

****

Alex!

****

Eyes widening in realisation, Lena knows that the only way she could have gone from the lab to....wherever the hell  _ here _ is, so quickly, was if Alex had gotten her powers and used them. 

****

Swinging around to scan the area more closely this time, Lena eventually spots the dark sole of a boot peeking out from a corpse of shrubbery ten feet away. Gasping at the sight she drops the phone from suddenly nerveless fingers, Winn still squawking questions from the earpiece, and rushes over. 

****

As she draws near the dry brown vegetation Alex's prone form comes into full view, and Lena's heart leaps into her throat as fear shoots through her body. Dropping to her knees beside the unconscious woman, Lena barely feels the sharp stones cutting through her tights and digging painfully into her knees in her haste to assure herself that the redhead is still alive. 

****

Pressing the side of her head to Alex's chest, Lena holds her breath as she waits the agonising few seconds it takes to hear the solid thump of a beating heart against the shell of her ear. When it comes, slow but strong, it forces an agonised sob of paralysed fear from her throat in a relieved gasp as she jerks up to check Alex's breathing too.  

****

Finding it just as steady, and with no signs of injury readily apparent, Lena cups Alex's face as she calls her name. 

****

It takes three tries before Alex stirs, but when she does Lena feels relief shoot through her instantly. 

****

“L....Lena?” Swallowing around the dryness in her mouth, Alex blinks her eyes open and frowns up at the CEO in a daze. “Are you alright? Did I get you far enough away from the lab in time?”

****

“Do you remember what happened?” 

****

“The moment I stopped fighting the pain, it all disappeared”. Nodding slightly, Alex squints as she thinks back to just before everything went crazy in the lab. “Even though I could still feel the serum burning it's way through my body, it didn't hurt anymore. It was almost as if the serum had been testing me, trying to deem whether I was worthy enough to receive Kara's powers, and by accepting that the pain was a part of the power and not something to simply ride out, I had passed. It was then that I felt it flowing into me, merging with my body and becoming a part of my very essence”. 

****

That would have been the Harun'el streaking through her veins, Lena thinks. 

****

“Seconds after, I felt like a ball of pure energy exploded out of me, and then time seemed to stop”. Pushing herself into a sitting position, Alex runs a hand through her hair, and grimaces when she feels the dirt stuck to the back of it from where her head had been resting on the ground. “It was like everything around me was frozen, but  **I** could still move-” shaking her head as she blows out a long breath, she lets out a small incredulous huff “- Kara had always tried to explain how moving so fast had made it feel like everything else ground to a halt, but getting to experience it first-hand was a whole other ballgame”.

****

“Scary?”

****

Alex gives Lena a look that can only be interpreted as  _ are you shitting me right now?  _ “When I opened my eyes, the entire room was filled huge chunks of glass. All aimed at  **you** ”. 

****

“Oh”. Blinking owlishly, Lena finds herself at a loss at what to say. 

****

“All I could think about was getting you out of there before the glass reached you, but I was so scared that  **I** was going to hurt you that I was completely freaking out too. In the end I used my heat vision to blast through the wall, scooped you up in my arms as gently as possible, and ran”. Sitting up higher so she can hug her knees, Alex rests her chin atop them as her eyes scan Lena over. “When I started to feel dizzy I stopped and put you down, then I guess I must have staggered over here and passed out. I didn't....I didn't hurt you. Did I?”

****

When Alex's soft and concerned brown eyes meet her own, Lena swears her heart almost melts into a puddle right there on the spot. Because there is no thought to the fact that she has just gained her powers, or that they'd allowed her to save Lena's life from otherwise certain death. The only thing Alex is concerned about right now is whether or not she'd accidentally caused her injury. 

****

Throwing her arms around the redhead in amazement at how selfless she is, Lena presses close to Alex. Hugging her tight, Lena can feel the strength below the new Super's muscles (which had already been pretty impressive before), and registers the instant Alex goes rigid in her arms. 

****

Caught off guard by the move, Alex is still able to enjoy the embrace; right up until she takes a deep breath in and the heady fragrance of Lena's expensive perfume wraps around her heightened senses like cotton candy on a stick and intoxicates her to the point that it starts overloading her cognitive functions. 

****

Working like a combined trigger on a bomb, the scent seems to act like a switch and flips the power button to activate all her other senses.

****

Her super hearing suddenly kicks in and sounds rush in from every direction; the aeroplane soaring miles overhead filled with hundreds of jabbering voices all jumbled over each other - Winn,Vasquez and J'onn back at the DEO wandering through the ruins of the lab and fretting over what has become of herself and Lena - two geckos fighting ferociously over an insect that is valiantly trying to escape while they are busy battling each other around a mile away - and the sound of Lena's breathing; fast but steady, booming away right next to her ear. 

****

However, the most pressing concern is that there is a sudden burning sensation behind her eyes that, from conversations with Kara, a now terrified Alex knows is a warning that her heat vision is warming up to fire. 

****

Going rigid as she freezes instantly, Alex screws her eyes shut in an attempt to prevent them accidentally firing as she cries out in warning. “Lena, get back. It's not safe!”

****

Leaning back in order to cast a worried look at her face, Lena doesn't move away like Alex had been hoping for, but it does present the frantic Super with enough room between their bodies to whip her hands up and slap them over her face. 

****

“Alex, what's wrong?” Seeing the distress she is in sends Lena's anxiety levels soaring, and she instinctively reaches out to place a comforting hand on Alex's arm. 

****

The move is a bad one however, as it startles Alex enough to let slip a stray beam of heat vision. 

****

Thankfully Alex manages to catch herself at the last second and tilts her head upwards, sending the blast hurtling into the sky and not straight through the skull of the woman she loves, but the near miss enough is enough to have Lena tumbling backwards from her in shock. 

****

Hearing the CEO's gasp of fear tips Alex over into a dark web of guilt and panic that she very nearly just killed the woman she loves. With eyes still tightly closed she scrabbles away from the sound, and therefore the woman, on her hands and backside. Desperate to try and put as much distance between them as possible, fearing that she might still injure the vulnerable woman with the powers she realises now she has be reckless to take on, Alex finds herself collapsing flat on her back when her lungs suddenly feel like they are depressurising in her chest. 

****

Clutching her sternum with one hand as she wheezes for breath, Alex slaps her other arm across her eyes to try and prevent herself from doing any more damage in case she should accidentally open her eyes again. Curling her body in on its side and bringing her knees up until they are almost touching her chin, Alex finds no relief from the unrelenting burning through her chest as she struggles to draw enough air to think coherently. 

****

“Oh my god, Alex!” 

****

Voice only registering faintly at first, as soon as Alex becomes aware of Lena's rapidly approaching footsteps she immediately croaks out. “Stay back! I'm not safe!”

****

“Alex, I think you're having a panic attack, so I need you to listen to me very carefully right now”. Slowing but not stopping, Lena detours so that she can approach Alex from behind rather than in front, all the while keeping worried eyes on the struggling woman writhing in agony on the floor. “Can you do that for me, sweetie?”

****

Struggling to focus as sound assaults her from every direction, battering her mind with almost unbearable pain, tears stream down Alex's face. “It's so loud, Lena. It hurts”. 

****

“I know, baby. I'm so sorry-” tears slipping down her own cheeks, Lena fights to keep her voice even and clear of the emotions running rampant inside her as she kneels down next to Alex. She longs to reach out and gather the redhead into her arms, to hold her like she has done so many times in the past when she had been in pain, but doesn't dare lay a hand on her for fear of setting off the overloaded woman even further. Instead she speaks soothingly, and hopes she can do enough with just her voice this time “-but if you can try and do as I say I promise I will help you make it better. Can you do that for me?”

****

Gritting her teeth against the pain swarming through her, Alex nods in agreement. 

****

“Good girl”. Lena feels her stomach flip at the trust Alex places in her without hesitation, and vows to never give this incredible woman cause to doubt her. “Now, I want you to shut out each sound, one by one, until you are focused on just one thing. Pick one sound; something solid and consistent, to focus on, and use everything you have to listen to that one noise. You don't need to rush, just take your time, and tune every sound around it out like you would as if it was on a radio. Switch them all off, down and down, until you have your one noise. Let that be your centre, your focus, and allow it to calm you”. 

****

Listening intently to her, Alex follows Lena's instructions to the letter and tries to focus on just one sound. 

****

At first it seems impossible, as there are SO many it just sounds like a jumbled mess of crossed noise and scrambled wires, but as she focuses harder and really concentrates; there is one noise, above all others, that comes through loud and clear. 

****

The strong, comforting, somehow  _ familiar _ , sound of a heartbeat. 

****

It calls to Alex. In a way that none of the thousands of other heartbeats she can hear, do, and she instantly knows that it is  **hers** to hold on to. 

****

Gripping on to it like a physical anchor, Alex listens to Lena's calm voice and begins to tune out all the other sounds. One by one she closes them off in her mind, fading them out as if she is pressing the volume button down on them until they are no longer audible, and with each sound that winks out she feels a lessening of pressure in both her head, chest, and eyes. 

****

Losing count of the amount of times she has to repeat the process before the only sound left in her head is the calming thump of her mysterious person's heartbeat, Alex finds herself letting out a half sobbed sigh of relief when she realises the burning sensation behind her eyes and lungs has completely disappeared. “Oh thank you so much Lena, it worked!”

****

“It did?” The raven haired woman's voice is almost squeaky with delight, and she just about manages to hold herself back from flinging her arms around the prone woman and hugging her in pure joy. “Thank the stars!”

****

When, at the exact same moment that Lena's excited words reach her ears the new Super detects an increased rate in the heartbeat rhythm she is focusing on, Alex suddenly realises why it feels so familiar to her - She has heard it before. 

****

_ In the weeks after Kara's passing there are many dark days for Alex.  _

****

_ Days when each moment is a struggle to get through, and each hour is a crushing void that seems bereft of any semblance of joy or reason to look forward to the next.  _

****

_ Struggling badly, Alex spends many of her nights staring at the bottom of a glass of whatever liquor she can get her hands on as she drowns her pain until the oblivion of unconsciousness, numbed to the point where she will hopefully be free of nightmares, swallows her so that she doesn't have to deal with the weight of her guilt anymore.  _

****

_ She is well down her path to self destruction when Lena appears and changes.......everything.  _

****

_ The youngest Luthor, despite dealing with her own crushing pain of losing her best friend, is Alex's knight in shining armour. She battles her way through a forest when Alex goes AWOL, overcomes her fear of heights to sit by the agent's side, becomes her constant companion whilst somehow managing to juggle running two companies and assisting the DEO, yet never once complains that Alex is too much effort for someone that is just her dead best friends grumpy big sister.  _

****

_ In fact Lena insists on being there for Alex even when the older woman's self destructive tendencies  kick in at the discovery of her feelings for the raven haired business woman, and she tries to push the CEO away.  _

****

_ After the drunken tantrum Alex subjects her to, hurling barbs in an attempt to rile the stoic CEO into storming out of her apartment (and therefore out of her confused heart and mind), the agent is shocked when Lena calmly states that Kara would never forgive her if she walked away while her sister needed her - and beside anything she'd made Alex a promise that she intends to keep; then promptly sits down on the redheads sofa like she owns the place.  _

****

_ At first, it seems completely surreal to Alex.  _

****

_ SHE is the strong one. SHE is the one that others lean on when they need support. SHE provides the strength when people falter.  _

****

_ Yet Lena had managed to breeze past every single one of Alex's barriers and reach into the vulnerable part of her soul, the part that had been crying out for someone to understand her and comfort her, the instant she'd marched up to her that day on Argo City.  _

****

_ The second she'd wrapped her, surprising strong, arms around Alex, the grieving woman had felt herself sink into Lena's embrace without hesitation. Burying her face into the neck of what, at the time, surmounted to a casual acquaintance (at best), Alex had felt no awkwardness or embarrassment radiating from Lena at her show of emotion; only empathy and genuine caring. The words Lena had whispered to her, and the tender way she had held Alex as she'd read the eulogy that the emotional woman had been too overcome to complete, had only further pushed past all the walls Alex had long thought so impenetrable.     _

****

_ The night they return from the Observatory, they share a bed because Alex is secretly terrified to sleep alone in case her nightmares return. It is the first night in a long time she has had to sleep sober and, fearing the darkness that always crept up on her in the stillness of the night would return without the anaesthetic quality alcohol brought her, Alex asks Lena to hold her.  _

****

_ Without hesitation the dark haired beauty sweeps Alex into her arms and snuggles her close, something the nervous woman is incredibly grateful for, and the pair fall asleep not long after. However, just as Alex had feared, her nightmares do return, and she awakes two hours later in a cold sweat and with a silent scream locked in her throat.  _

****

_ Bolting upright in bed as she gasps for air, Alex's sudden movement draws Lena from her slumber too, and she immediately becomes concerned for the panicking woman. Placing a gentle hand on Alex's back, Lena rubs soothing circles as she speaks in a soft voice, then listens to the freaked out woman recount her dream in a stuttering, tear filled voice.  _

****

_ Describing how she watches, on loop, the moment Kara is killed, Alex sobs in to her hands.“Even now, while awake, the sound as the spear hits her chest - the noise as it impacts; it keeps going round and round my head like a stuck record, and I can't get it to  _ **_stop_ ** _!” _

****

_ At the pain filled confession, and Alex's heartbreakingly devastated expression, Lena draws the slighter than normal woman gently into her arms and lays them back down onto the bed. Arranging them so that Alex is laid pretty much halfway on top of her, with her head in the middle of Lena's chest, she holds the redhead securely against her body. Combing her fingers through soft strands as she talks, Lena instructs the still trembling woman to listen to her heartbeat and focus on replacing the noise in her head with its cadence instead. _

_ Desperate to remove the sound of the sick thud as the sharpened rock had torn the life from her sisters body from her mind, Alex hugs the warm body anchoring her trembling one and squeezes her eyes tightly shut as she follows Lena's guidance without argument.  _

****

_ Concentrating on the strong thump she can feel under her cheek, Alex wills herself to hear it and only it in her mind, and attempts to block out everything else apart from the regular beat drumming a pattern against her skin. Combined with the strong arm around her waist holding her secure, and the gentle fingers stroking soothingly through her hair, Alex soon finds herself lost in the hypnotic rhythm of Lena's steadying, calming heartbeat.  _

****

_ Drifting off to sleep once more, the troubled agent is able to remain unbothered by bad dreams for the rest of the night.  _

****

Since then Alex has laid with her head pressed against Lena's chest on countless occasions; as the steady beat of her heart calms the still grieving woman in a way she's never experienced before or since; and now, as she concentrates on focusing her hearing to pinpoint the location of the random heartbeat she had picked out of the jumble of a thousand different noises, Alex realises with a start that the heartbeat  _ isn't _ random. 

****

Alex had been able to pick that heartbeat out of all the noise because it is the one that she knows, the one that she trusts, and the one that she  **adores** , more than any in this world. 

****

It is the one belonging to the woman currently kneeling just behind her. 

****

Now that she is calm Alex can focus on just how right the sound is to her ears, thought it feels strange being able to hear it without being pressed up against the woman it belongs to (a small twinge of disappointment at no longer having an excuse for snuggling with the green eyed beauty may have shot through her chest momentarily), and it helps settle her even further. 

****

Taking a cautious breath in through her nose Alex finds that not only is her chest no longer tight, but her olfactory sense seems to have returned to normal so, heartened by the discovery, the nervous Super risks lifting her arm from across her eyes. 

****

Peeking out from under it warily, Alex blinks a few times just to make sure she is actually in control of her eyes again, before risking unfurling her body and twisting so she can look at the kneeling woman behind her. 

****

Seeing the worry in her eyes, Alex can tell the stress she must have put Lena through in the last few minutes, and guilt settles in her gut like a lead rock. Swallowing hard as her throat feels like she's been sucking on rusty nails, Alex offers Lena a small smile to try and allay some of her concern. “Thank you”. 

****

Frowning immediately as confusion at the words settle across her face, Lena looks at Alex like she's just spoken Kryptonese. “I am the literal creator of all your pain. Why on earth are you thanking me?”

****

Wanting nothing more than to reach out and take the green eyed beauties hand in her own, but not daring to through fear of not knowing her own strength and running the risk of accidentally causing injury instead of comfort, Alex huffs quietly as she shakes her head. “I asked you to give me these powers so  **I** created my pain, but you.....you helped me control them”. 

****

Holding her hand up before Lena can interrupt, Alex tilts her head slightly when a sound above them registers in her sensitive ears. 

****

As Lena watches on quietly, Alex's face goes through a range of expressions as she battles to control her new ability, but she quickly settles onto one of concentration that tells the dark haired woman that she is listening to something intently. 

****

After listening for thirty seconds Alex seems to break the connection, and looks back at Lena with a now grave expression on her face. “The Hyn'nec are closing in. It's now or never time”. 

****

Any hint of colour in her naturally pale cheeks drains instantly as fear, like she has never experienced before, grips Lena.

****

Hearing her heartbeat begin to race, the frantic pounding in Lena's chest alerting Alex to the fact that her words have just sparked something inside the ashen faced woman, the Super scrabbles on hands and knees over towards her. 

****

“Lena, look at me”. 

****

Stopping only inches in front of her, Alex raises her hands as the desperate urge to cup Lena's face surges through her, but stops herself just shy of actually touching the panicking woman's delicate skin. Fighting down the frustration she feels, she wills all thought but the need to calm Lena down away from her mind, and feels herself focus on the woman in front of her. 

****

“Hey, Dorkus, eyes on me!” 

****

At the sound of the nickname Alex had christened her with, which had been coined late one night after the redhead had spend thirty five minutes listening to Lena enthuse about the “real world applications of quantum realm possibilities” during a Marvel marathon when they'd reached the dvd of Ant-man and the Wasp, the dark haired woman is snapped out of her freak out enough to flick her eyes up to meet the soft brown orbs she loves so much.  

****

“Hey there, gorgeous”.  

****

Catching her breath at not just the sweet words Alex utters, but the dazzling smile she finds on her lips, which is reflected in her eyes, Lena's heart skips a beat at how beautiful the older Danvers sister truly is. “I....I'm scared, Alex”. 

****

The confession is almost breathed out, exhaled on a whisper before Lena really knows she is saying it, and the words pierce Alex's heart like a knife. 

****

“I swear, on Kara's eternal soul, that I  _ will _ come back”. Scooting an infinitesimal inch closer, so there is less than a millimetre separating their bodies, the new Super gazes at Lena with all the love she feels pulsing through her veins. “I will come back to you, Lena, and when I do I plan on asking you out on a date. So you better be ready to say yes”. 

****

The cheeky grin and wink that follows her words is enough to force a surprised laugh from Lena, even as a tear escapes from her right eye to drop down and splash on her cheek. Before she knows what she is doing the emotional woman is throwing her arms around Alex's neck and burying her fingers in short, red locks as she brings her lips up to connect with surprised soft ones. 

****

The kiss is passionate but brief, as Lena pulls back the moment she realises what she has done, and flushes at her reckless behaviour. “I'm sorry. That was.....”

****

“Awesome”. Smiling like a kid that's just been told they have unlimited ice cream for an entire year, Alex's eyelashes flutter open to grin goofily at Lena. “Thank you for giving me something to fight for while I'm up there. Call Winn and he'll get J'onn to come get you. I'll be seeing you real soon, Little Luthor”. 

****

With that Alex stands up, takes two step back, bends her knees, and shoots straight up into the air. 

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the amazing comments, it fills my simple gay heart to read your incredibly kind words.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex get a trial by fire baptism with her new powers taking on the Hyn'nec, but in the aftermath of her victory, tragedy strikes when a momentary lapse of focus causes her to inflict grave injuries on a loved one. 
> 
>  
> 
> Major angst alert, and trigger warning for injuries. Nothing graphic, but its life or death in the balance stuff.

“Holy freaking Christ, this is amazing!”

 

Streaking across the sky like a rocket, Alex feels a sense of freeness flow through her that she has never felt before.   

 

She had flown with Kara on plenty of occasions – been the passenger while Kara drove so to speak, but it hadn't come anywhere  _ close _ to being the one actually in control of the vehicle! 

 

Knowing that all she has to do is twist her body a tiny amount to the left or right in order to deviate from her current path is a  _ huge _ rush, so she spends the time getting from her spot in the desert to where the Hyn'nec ships are gathered performing a series of twists and loops in order to practice controlling her turns as, despite the excitement pulsing through her at being able to use her new powers, Alex is hyper aware of the responsibility weighing on her shoulders, and the very real risk she is flying towards.

 

Ever the strategic agent, she has been running different scenarios through her head the entire time, and as she draws near the first of the huge spaceships, about fifty miles off the coast of Australia into the South Pacific Ocean, Alex knows she needs to needs to play things smart. 

 

Kara had been using her powers for years when she'd faced these guys last time, and even she'd struggled to hold her own until they'd worked out exactly where their weakness was. Alex was aware she was a rookie right now, but these guys didn't need to know that, so the less she used her powers the less she gave away her inexperience.   

 

As she approaches her position, and clicking on the earpiece she'd completely forgotten Winn had fitted her with before he had left the lab, Alex slows down until she is hovering about two hundred yards away from the lead ship. “Winn, you there? This is....er.... um.....we didn't actually come up with a code name for me before I left, did we?” 

 

The realisation that a lot of important conversations were skipped over in the process of getting her powers only now dawning on her, Alex rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. 

 

“You're on a secure channel, and only myself, Winn, and Lena can hear you right now. As the rest of the DEO already know what your voice sounds like,  _ especially _ over comms, there is no code name that could possibly be adequate to keep your identity as our new Super a secret”. 

 

The deep rumble as J'onn's voice clicks on over the comm soothes Alex even as it unsettles her, and she feels like a naughty kid whose father has just caught her sneaking out of the house for the first time. 

 

_ Oh shit, I didn't even think of that. _

 

Grimacing at her failure to think through even the basic safety protocols, Alex suddenly feels bad for always ribbing Kara about how terrible she was at keeping her identity a secret. 

 

“A voice modulator is already planned as part of your new suit, so any future communication you need to do during your superheroing will disguise your identity without trouble”. Lena's smooth voice flows into Alex's ear and immediately soothes the agitated woman, the rich and warm tone holding a hint of something that sends a frisson through Alex's body that is wholly inappropriate given the circumstances. “Though it's a damn shame to do anything to cover up such a  _ delightful _ voice”.

 

“Yes, well.....while it may impede your ability to have phone sex a little, I feel its a necessary evil to protect your girlfriend from discovery”. 

 

Practically able to hear the force of Winn's blush all the way from where she is, no superpowers needed, Alex can't help the snort of laughter that escapes her at the way the poor lad stutters as a result of Lena purring out her words in advocacy of Alex's voice. 

 

“Can we  **please** focus on the mission at hand!” Sighing like a parent left to wrangle unruly kids for the weekend, J'onn's voice has a slightly pleading quality beneath the command.

 

Knowing that Lena and Winn have grown as close as siblings (ones with a healthy relationship and nothing like the twisted power dynamic Lex had instilled in the Luthor household) in the last couple of months, and often bicker as such - especially when nerding out on something scientific, Alex feels for J'onn having to play referee between the pair. 

 

Before they can get sent to their room by the older man, who is no doubt getting a headache from their childish banter, Alex butts in. “Hey guys, I got movement out here”. 

 

“What you got, Superwoman?” 

 

“We're not calling me that”. Frowning at the moniker, Alex answers Winn. “Two scouts just left the mother-ship and are approaching my position, fast”. 

 

“I...I was just trying something”. Stuttering under Alex's stern command, Winn turns his attention to the screens. “I'm picking up the moment here too. I'm also registering that they're locking their weapons onto you, so I suggest some evasive manoeuvres, pronto!”

 

“Roger that”. With a crack of air Alex shoots across the sky just as the two ships open fire, and the photon blasts hit nothing but dead space.  

 

Wheeling immediately to track her progress, the ships fire a near constant stream of energy blasts in an attempt to hit Alex, but the redhead ducks and weaves skilfully through the sky, thankful to have practised her turns on the way, and evades them without problem. 

 

“Okay, they're definitely coming in hot”. 

 

Enjoying herself more than she probably should given the life or death situation she is currently in, Alex finds it not dissimilar to being in a shootout during a high speed car or motorcycle chase (with the added bonus of being able to loop de loop out of the way of a cannon blast), and is able to feint a left to force the ships into going in separate directions. 

 

After having to swoop out of the way several times to avoid being caught in the crossfire between the two ships, Alex decides to fly directly into the path of one of the ships. 

 

As she does, a stern voice crackles in her earpiece. “Alex, please tell me you're not doing what I think you're doing?”

 

The low voice, controlled but with an edge of worry held in it, seems to float through Alex's head and tickle over her senses in a pleasant manner.

 

“I'm trying to get these idiots to blow each other up”. Focused on her task, Alex doesn't allow herself to be distracted by the concern she knows she can hear in Lena's voice. Instead, she lets a hint of humour seep into her own. “Then, I plan on neutralising that death star looking pile of crap they've chilling out back there. So any ideas on how I go all Luke Skywalker on it would be greatly appreciated”. 

 

Having to pull up hard at the last moment, Alex lands with a bump on the windscreen of the nearest ship, and finds herself staring into the six eyed gaze of the very surprised Hyn'nec pilot. “Hey there....not exactly a fella”. 

 

Shooting him a cocky smile, Alex uses her enhanced hearing to pinpoint the location of the second ship. Smile growing when she focuses on it, she lingers a second longer before coiling her strength into her muscular legs and leaping straight into the air; a split second before the blast from the second ship reaches her position on the hood of the first and reduces the metal to ash. 

 

Curving around quickly, Alex gets herself into position directly behind the first, then fires three bursts of heat vision into the small crafts engine. The reaction is instantaneous, with a fireball ripping out half the small plane's guts and tearing the bottom open to the yawning sky. 

 

There is no hope for the pilots to recover his craft, and he teleports back to the mother ship immediately. 

 

Watching as the two plane's fall from the sky in an inferno of blazing metal and fire, Alex turns just in time to see a volley of new craft begin streaming out of the mother-ship.

 

“Uh, guys.....” Feeling her stomach drop at the sheer numbers being unleashed, Alex understands that this is an invasion the Hyn'nec have been planning since the moment they'd heard Kara had died.  “We have a problem”.

 

 ****

 

The fight is hard. 

 

It is long, drawn out, and takes eight hours for Alex to push them back. 

 

The DEO throw everything they have at them to help, exhausting every weapon they have, but it is only when Winn and Lena manage to hack into the Hyn'nec's secure servers and find the blueprints for the mother-ship's engine design that they realise the way to shut down all the scout ships attacking Alex is to disable the mother-ship itself. For, not only does the mother-ship power the craft, but it controls them too. The Hyn'nec are not a hive mind like once thought, but more like a slave brain, ultimately controlled by the all powerful queen and unable to disobey any order or directive she may issue. 

 

Facilitated by the blueprints, the pair guide Alex to the intake valve on the mother-ship that leads to the reactor core powering the entire system and, with several carefully placed heat vision blasts, the new Super is able to overload the support structures holding the whole thing together and cause it to implode upon itself. The damage it does is catastrophic and the mother-ship is instantly paralysed, causing all the scout ships to drop from the sky en-masse and rain down on the desert like toys abandoned when a child gets called in from the garden for dinner. 

 

Watching as the pilots all teleport back to the safety of the mother-ship, Alex feels a strong urge to blast it out of existence to send a clear message that Earth has a new defender and prevent any further attempts at such a coup. 

 

Knowing in her heart that Kara wouldn't approve of such a move, she bows her head in shame at such a thought. Her sister would tell her that strength,  _ true _ strength, was only used when absolutely necessary, and only to defend those that couldn't protect themselves. The Hyn'nec were no threat to Earth right now, and to slaughter them in cold blood would make her just as evil as them. 

 

Curling her hand into a fist, Alex feels the power radiating through her veins. 

 

The thrumming there is like nothing she has ever felt before. It is like a living thing coiled just under her skin, the power she has spent hours using to fight these forces back pulsing and humming across her senses like they have just been awoken for the very first time. 

 

The feeling is intoxicating. Alluring. 

 

It is easy for Alex to see why so many people who acquire such power allow it to corrupt them, because there is a sway to it that hints at hidden promises that can be fulfilled just by flexing those powers and bringing all those that argue to heel under its influence. She'd known, way before agreeing to inherit Kara's gifts, that such power can be as deadly as the weapons she trains with. 

 

It had formed a large part of her decision to take the abilities herself, because even a good person could become a villain when given enough opportunity to venture down the rabbit hole of being able to set right any perceived slights from their past with no recourse when made indestructible and impervious to harm. 

 

Kara had lived her first thirteen years without her powers, then witnessed to the destruction of her entire planet because of the hubris of its people, so had built a moral code for herself based on her experiences in order to live her new life with powers. 

 

Placing her right fist against her  left shoulder, Alex bows her head and silently vows in her sisters name to live by that code. To honour Kara's memory, and to honour the gifts she now carries inside her. 

 

With one final look at the static ship, which DEO cruisers are just starting to pull up alongside, Alex drops her arm and twists her body so that she can return to base; and the woman whose lips she hasn't been able to stop thinking about since the second they left hers.  

 

Breaking the sound barrier twice one the way back, Alex is in a jubilant mood by the time she reaches the facility, and lets out a whoop of joy when she drops to the ground on the helipad. 

 

“Whoo, head-rush!” Letting out a giggle when she feels her legs wobble beneath her, Alex is distracted from the thin web of cracks spiralling out from the small crater she is standing in when she spies an excited Winn rushing out of the loading bay doors towards her. 

 

“OoooooooH My Gawd!! Dude! That was aweSOME!” Looking like he had the day he'd managed to get Mark Hamill to sign his limited edition lightsaber, his face is alight with joy as he dashes straight over to Alex. “You were a total freaking rock-star up there!”

 

Leaping into her arms without hesitation, Winn wraps his own around Alex's shoulders and practically bodyslams into her without slowing for even a second. 

 

For any normal human, even someone as solidly built as James, the move would have had them struggling to stay upright on their feet as the momentum would have been far too great, but Winn is so used to hugging Kara this way that he doesn't even consider not doing it now that Alex is a Super and he is proved correct when the redhead doesn't budge even an inch, however he had made a major miscalculation about the force with which Alex would hug him back. 

 

In all her exuberance and post fight/flight adrenaline rush, Alex forgets to calculate how much force she needs to apply to Winn's more delicate body, and carelessly grabs him around the back without a thought. 

 

It is only when he lets out a high pitched squeal of pain as the majority of the bones in his ribcage all snap at once, which is followed by a lower pained wheeze as his left lung collapses when a shard of bone punctures it, that Alex is snapped out of her euphoric high, and she draws back to stare at the man she considers a little brother with a horrified expression on her face. “Winn?” 

 

Blood bubbling from mouth as he tries to speak, the strength disappears from his body as his legs fold underneath him like a pair of snapped twigs. 

 

Terrified of injuring him further, but not wanting to see the poor man slam into the unforgiving concrete either, Alex reaches out and grasps him as gently as she can to lower his body to the floor. “I...I didn't mean to.... I Winn, I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!” 

 

Guilt burning inside her like lava, threatening to choke her on its acrid stench, Alex stares at the friend she has broken so easily, without conscious thought, and who might die because of her momentary lapse of concentration.

 

“HELP! PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME!!”

 

Screaming at the top of her lungs, Alex keeps her eyes glued to Winn's face. Terrified to look away, she is scared that if she does, even for a moment to try and spot help, that when she turns back she will find that he has passed away and there will be nothing she can do to stop it from happening. 

 

Instead, she keeps her eyes locked on his, willing him with sheer force to keep on breathing, and prays that someone is coming. 

  
  


 ****

 

“Alex, you need to eat something”. 

 

The voice is gentle, modulated to be unthreatening and soothing, but it still manages to make the redhead flinch like she has been scolded. 

 

“I'll eat when Winn does”. 

 

The quiet sigh that escapes at the sound of Alex's petulant reply sounds bone weary, as Lena, like the rest of them; J'onn, James and Vasquez (whom Lena had let in on Alex's secret after the loyal second in command had refused to return to the messroom with the other agents after she'd overhead J'onn mention Winn being injured), have been awake and awaiting news of Winn's operation for the last eighteen hours.  

 

The sound of it adds to the pile of self loathing currently crushing the new Super under its weight,  _ only fitting as I've done the same to one of my best friends _ she thinks bitterly, and Alex thinks Karma must be divine because her punishment is knowing that the one thing in this world that could ease her pain right now is beyond her grasp. 

 

Hearing the scrape of metal as Lena starts to rise from her chair, once again attempting to walk over to where Alex has positioned herself in the far corner of the room, furthest away from everyone but still within range so that she can see the doctor the moment he emerges with news (she would have left the room completely but is terrified to use her powers again so didn't want to rely on her hearing on X-ray vision) Alex presses back into the wall and shakes her head venomously. “NO!”

“Alex.....”

 

“No, Lena. I mean it!” Wrapping her arms around herself and curling up into as small a ball as possible, Alex shakes her head from side to side as tears spring into her eyes and her throat grows tight. “You can't come near me. I'm not safe”. 

 

“I don't believe that”. 

 

“Have you SEEN Winn?” Raising waterlogged brown eyes to glare at soft green ones, Alex's voice hardens into bitterness as she points towards the door. “Go look at the mess I made of my friend with a three second hug! I nearly KILLED him, Lena, and all he wanted to do was be the first to congratulate me!” 

 

“It wasn't your fault.....”

 

“It WAS my fault!” Leaping to her feet, Alex is careful to ensure she remains pressed against the wall but glowers at Lena as she vents her anger at the calm woman. “I  _ asked _ for these powers. They are MY responsibility! I shouldn't have let him anywhere near me until I was sure I was in control of them, and as Director I should have known better than to allow a civilian into close proximity to an untested prototype on its first mission. I screwed up, and now Winn might have to pay the price for my mistake with his life!”

 

“Oh honey, it was an accident”. Compassion painted all over her face, Lena gazes at Alex with tears shining in her own eyes. “Winn won't blame you....”

 

“ **I** blame me!” Curling her fingers into the material of the sweat stained super-suit covering her chest Alex pulls at the clingy fabric, feeling it tear beneath the stress she is putting it under. “I lost focus for a second, and as a result I might have caused the death of yet another person I love”.

 

Crumpling to the floor in a heap, Alex still manages to hold a hand up to ward Lena off when she takes a step towards her.

 

Squatting down so she can try and look Alex in the eye instead, which is difficult now that the devastated woman is hugging her legs to her chest like a security blanket and burying her head against her knees, Lena aches to gather the hurting woman into her arms. “Winn knew better then to run out and throw himself on you like that. He needs to take responsibility for his actions too”. 

 

“Don't victim shame him”. Frowning against her legs, Alex argues. “You wouldn't blame a kid that ran out into the road and got hit by a speeding motorist”. 

 

“If a child managed to run out into the road I'd blame the adult that wasn't looking after them properly,  _ then _ the adult going above the legal limit”. Logical and calm, Lena rationalises away Alex's argument, before throwing in an unexpected addition that forces the huddled woman to look up at her in surprise. “If anything, seeing how I was the one that created the damned powers in the first place,  **I** should be blamed for this. I failed to factor in you needing to decompress and recalibrate back to your normal limits after such a stressful first mission, and If I'd done that, you never would have had the ability to harm anyone at all. So really, Winn getting hurt is MY fault”. 

 

Though her words are soft, there is a core of iron in Lena's tone that speaks of her convictions, and it is the final straw that undoes Alex completely. 

 

“Lena,  **_STOP_ ** !”

 

The force behind the bellow is enough to shock Lena into silence, and she stares at the redhead owlishly as it is the first time Alex has ever raised her voice to the dark haired woman in such a way. 

 

Snapping her teeth together sharply, hard enough to shatter rock if caught between them, Alex feels sick that she has just practically bitten Lena's head off. However, she simply couldn't listen as the selfless woman took responsibility for her own heinous act so easily, not while knowing how much of the worlds weight the sweet woman already held on her shoulders. Their many talks over the last few months had revealed just how much Lena blames herself for; her mother, her brother, Kara..... and she just couldn't just couldn't stomach the thought of the kind woman blaming herself for Alex's failures too. 

 

The serum wasn't a failure. Alex herself was the failure. 

 

She hated raising her voice to Lena though. The shock on her face had been like a knife in Alex's gut, so her follow up plea is practically whispered in response.“Please...... just,  _ stop.  _ It  **was** my fault, and I accept full responsibility for my actions”. 

 

Her bellow had drawn the eyes from the three trying hard to respect the privacy of the arguing couple, difficult as it may be in the confined space, yet each finds it hard to let their gaze linger for too long when they find such an anguish filled gaze turned upon the young CEO. Alex's face contains more emotion than they are used to dealing with when interacting with the normally stoic woman, her expression open and unfiltered with everything her heart is feeling laid raw and exposed; and it is so nakedly brutal that, despite them being three of the toughest people in the country, they all find themselves battling with their own tears instantly in response. 

 

“Talk to me, Alex. Please. '' Despite once making a vow to never beg in any relationship  _ ever _ , Lena can't find it in her to care about anything except the look of pure heartbreak on Alex's face when she yet again asks the reticent woman to be honest with her. “You know you can tell me anything, right? So  _ please _ , just tell me the truth. What has you so freaked out about all of this?”

 

Hearing the desperate plea in Lena's voice as well as her words, Alex knows how much it has taken for the proud woman to humble herself in such a way, and she feels the fight drain right out of her.  Sighing heavily as she sinks her chin down onto knees, she can't find the courage within herself to meet the all too powerful green eyes she knows are waiting, locked onto her face, so instead picks a spot on Lena's right shoulder to focus her gaze on.

 

“I'm freaked out because, what if......what if  _ you _ had been the first person out of that door?” 

 

Voice trembling like the last leaf left on a tree in the middle of a storm, tears are once more freely cascading down Alex's cheeks as she finally gives voice to the nightmare scenario she has been playing out in her head ever since they had wheeled Winn into surgery. 

 

“What if I had hugged  _ you _ instead, Lena? Then you would be the one fighting for your life right this second” _.  _

 

Finally able to understand why Alex is so terrified of her approaching, Lena feels her heart ache for the guilt that must be eating her up inside. “But you didn't. I'm fine, Alex. You will be more careful from now on, and with practice this will never happen again”. 

 

“The moment I realised I had feelings for you I swore to myself that I'd protect you forever, yet now I understand that I could so easily be the one that causes you the greatest harm”. 

 

Lena's heart sinks when she hears not just despondency in Alex's voice, but resignation, and it turns into a lead ball when the redhead turns sorrowful but determined eyes to meet her own. 

 

“Right now I'm a liability to every human, and alien without the same level of strength, on the planet so, as Director of the DEO, I'm ordering myself to be quarantined; with immediate effect”.

 

The matching gasps from every person in the room indicate that everyone has heard Alex's declaration, but she ignores them in favour of keeping her gaze fixed on the beauty currently slicing her heart into tiny slivers with each silent, tortured tear trickling down her porcelain cheeks.   

 

“I am so very, very sorry, Lena, but for the safety of everyone I must order  that I remain in isolation until such time that an impartial panel deems me safe, and in control of my powers”. 

 

Standing up slowly, Alex knows she will never be able to scrub the sight of how broken Lena looks at this moment from her memory, and as she steps carefully away from the weeping mess still huddled on the floor she is pretty sure, despite being invulnerable, that she can feel her heart crack with each inch of distance that grows between them. 

 

Walking up to J'onn, who, along with Vasquez, had risen to their feet when Alex declared her intent to quarantine herself, the solemn redhead simply gazes into his eyes for a moment before looking back at Lena briefly. 

 

Nodding gravely, the older man gives her a soft, sad smile as he rests a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezes it lightly. “Of course my daughter, she is family too”. 

 

Alex then continues out of the room, her footsteps as silent as ever, but with each step she feels like it is opening up a chasm between her and where she really wants to be.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me, and hang in there guys, I love this couple too. Agentcorp endgame.
> 
> As always, please tell me what you think xx


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Alex in self imposed exile at the Fortress of Solitude, our pair of star cross lovers are struggling to cope with the separation.
> 
> However, a new threat emerges that has Alex forced from isolation before her time, and an encounter with an old adversary changes the pairs fate forever. 
> 
>  
> 
> But, for better or worse??

**Three Months Later**

****

“Hey”. 

****

Despite the line crackling with static, caused by interference from the Arctic storm raging outside, Alex finds herself smiling with relief that the call has actually connected. 

****

“Hey yourself, cutie”.

****

The call last week had only lasted ten minutes, having been abruptly cut off due to electrical interference from an even worse storm than the one currently battering the North side of the Fortress, and had left Alex feeling antsy all week. 

****

“You're a sight for sore eyes”. 

****

Smile widening at the whiskey roughened husk in Lena's tone, the Super drinks in the sight of the causal look the raven haired woman is sporting as she sits curled up on her couch in her apartment. Clad in a pair of comfy sweatpants and dark maroon hoodie, Lena's hair has been released from its daytime prison of high ponytail, and is now falling in loose waves around her shoulders. 

****

It is framing Lena's face beautifully, highlighting her jawline so exquisitely that it makes Alex's fingertips tingle with the urge to stroke along the smooth plane. 

****

A pang of longing suddenly lodges sharply under her ribs, so forcefully that it makes Alex have to grit her teeth to prevent flinching and letting the pain show on her face, and she coughs to cover up her reaction to it. Knowing that Lena will notice any small change anyway, as she always records their Facetime chats and watches them countless times in the intervening week until their next one (just like she herself does), she rushes to distract her. “I see you're still embracing your Luthor genes and flirting with a criminal career”. 

****

The adorable frown her words produce help Alex relax, and she chuckles when confused green eyes meet hers. “Are you kicking off our weekly call by making fun of my tragic upbringing?” 

****

“Not at all, Little Luthor. Unless there is some other explanation for how MY hoodie is somehow currently on  _ your _ body?”

****

Raising her eyebrow teasingly, Alex watches as Lena's eyes drop to the well worn  _ ALL SLAY ALL DAY  _ hoodie she has owned since her teen years as an avid Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan, before finding their way back to its bemused owner.  

****

“Oh. I...erm, I kinda forgot I was still wearing this”. Flushing slightly at being caught with the pilfered contraband, Lena strokes her fingers over the sleeve of the soft material absently. 

****

“You've been wearing it that long huh”. Trying not to notice how damn adorable Lena looks in her top, because it only makes the pain in her ribs deepen when she does, Alex attempts to distract herself by making light of things instead. “How long am I going to need to wash it to get rid of the smell? Or is it completely beyond saving and I should just fry it with my heat vision when I get back?” 

****

“I spent the night at your place and couldn't bring myself to take it off when I left”. 

****

The quiet confession wipes the smile off Alex's face instantly. It is replaced with a grimace as a bolt of pain, far more powerful than a Kryptonite bullet, slams into her gut. 

****

Inhaling sharply through her nose, Alex sets her teeth and swallows heavily as a wave of emotion rolls through her, but she takes several deep breaths and quickly pulls herself together. Looking up at the quiet woman, Alex feels her heart hurt for all the unnecessary pain she has caused her. “I'm sorry”. 

****

“You don't have to say that every time I tell you”. Voice more subdued now, Lena can hear the depth of guilt present in Alex's apology. 

****

“I know, but I still am”. Eyes taking in the sombre woman, Alex knows that Lena regrets confessing to spending the night at her place. 

****

It was something she had started doing not long after Alex had placed herself in quarantine, as she'd said it helped her cope with the “Alex shaped black hole in her life”. 

****

Before everything had been blown apart so dramatically they'd spent pretty much half the time at each other's place, and Lena had at first told Alex that being in her apartment, surrounded by her things and sleeping in her bed – which smelled of her, helped her cope better as it made her feel closer to Alex, despite knowing she was actually thousands of miles away and unreachable, even for a billionaire like herself, in the Fortress of Solitude. 

****

In reality, it made Lena miss her even more, and she would often spend the evening sobbing her heart out while curled up under the blanket they used to snuggle up together with while watching a movie, before collapsing into Alex's bed to dream of the Super suddenly flying back the apartment in the middle of the night to crawl under the covers with her. 

****

She'd finally had to admit the truth to Alex, after a particularly bad night spent sobbing her heart out, when an impromptu video call had come through from the Super and her enhanced vision had been able to see through Lena's hasty attempts to cover up the after-effects with make-up and she'd been called out on it. 

****

Lena now tried to not let the young Agent know when she was struggling with the separation, as she didn't want to add to Alex's burden, knowing that the redhead still felt guilty for Winn's injuries despite the tremendous progress he had made in recovery (L-Corp nanobot tech had been instrumental in rebuilding his ribcage, to the point where he now joked he was part Terminator), however, last night had been troubling for the CEO, and it was still playing on her mind, which is probably why she'd not realised she was still wearing the hoodie.  

****

“It doesn't smell like you anymore”. Giving a small, sad smile before pulling the neckline of the top up around her nose, Lena's next words come out slightly muffled when she buries her nose in it.  “I mean your bed doesn't. The hoodie does though, which is why I still have it on”. 

****

Frowning more at the sadness she can hear in Lena's voice than the actual words, Alex once again feels her stomach twist at how much pain she is putting such a beautiful soul through, because she knows she isn't being fair to Lena. 

****

She has made great strides since coming to the Fortress six weeks ago -  a move prevaricated by the return of Clark who, upon learning what had transpired, immediately came to the cell she was being held in at the DEO and embraced her as a fellow Kryptonian, but she knows she still has no idea how long it is going to take her to get a handle on her powers.

****

Despite being impressed with the complexity and intricacy, of  the training schedule she had managed to devise for herself while still adhering to her strict isolation protocol, Clark had successfully argued that Alex would learn to control her powers quicker in an environment built specifically for Kryptonians, and they had flown to the Fort that day. 

****

The pair had spent time together as Alex practised with her powers, with Clark giving information  about parts of the Fortress that might aid Alex in her training while he wasn't around, before he'd had to leave to leave to return to Metropolis. 

****

She had been by herself at the Fort ever since. 

****

Having only had Kalex the robot as full time company/instructor in the ways of the “Kryptonian force” as she's come to think of it, and Clark only flying in whenever things get quiet enough in the city for Superman/new dad Clark to not be missed for a day or two (which means she's only seen him twice so far), Alex has come to depend on her video chats with Lena like a lifeline.     

****

She knows how much of a strain the situation is putting on the young woman; she can see it in the dark circles under her eyes and the weight lost from her already slim frame, and knows from J'onn how many nights he is having to force her out of the DEO labs at ridiculous hours when she is almost dead on her feet – after already working a full day at L-Corp. 

****

“You like my stink huh? Careful there Little Luthor, or a girl might think you're getting soft on her.'' Knowing by now it is never a good idea to try and chastise Lena for not taking better care of herself, because it only makes the tearful woman even sadder, Alex instead tries to bring some humour back to the conversation. 

****

Dropping the hoodie back down from her face so she can offer Alex a soft smile, Lena wraps her arms around her body protectively. “I would hope that after the way I kissed you in the lab it would be patently obvious that I was more than a little 'soft' on you?”  

****

Feeling her heart skip at the combination of Lena's words and gorgeous smile, Alex has to temper the hope that flares in her chest at the thought of one day being able to kiss her again. She still has a  _ long _ way to go before even starting to consider thinking of herself being proficient enough with all her powers to be safe enough around other aliens, let alone humans, and even further before she can begin to think about attempting such dangerous physical contact. 

****

In fact, Alex has had to consider the painful possibility that she might never be able to have the kind of relationship with Lena that the pair want, as it may be impossible for her to develop full control of her powers without some sort of dampening technology like red sunlamps to drain her. If that turns out to be the case then she will have to tell Lena to move on and find someone else to spend the rest of her life with, as she knows she won't be able to live under the constant fear that the tech will fail and she'll end up accidentally injuring the woman she loves like she had Winn.  

****

However, as she stares into Lena's eyes now, even with the fuzzy screen taking away some of the usual intensity from the stunning green orbs, Alex knows that it will completely destroy her if she has to tell the raven haired woman to find someone else.

****

“Technically,  **I** kissed  _ you _ ”. 

****

Eyebrow raising sardonically, Lena's eyes twinkle in merriment. “And I just stood there like a cardboard cut-out?”  

****

“You did to start”. Grinning at the memory, Alex remembers being worried for a second or two that she'd stepped over the line and was going to get clouted again. “Then you grabbed my top and made that incredibly sexy little growl, before giving me the best first kiss I've ever had”.  

****

Chuckling at the look on Alex's face, Lena relaxes back into the sofa as her smile deepens into one of delighted amusement. “You really think it was the best huh?”

****

“Don't even try to pretend like you don't know how good it was, Luthor, because I can always listen to your heartbeat and call you a liar if I need to”. 

****

“You....you can do that?” Surprise overtaking her amusement, Lena's eyes widen as she stares at Alex slightly stunned. “But surely I'm too far away, even for a Super?”

****

“I've been locked up in an ice fort with nothing to do but practice for almost three months. Trust me when I say, it's not too far”. 

****

Stretching her senses, Alex opens her hearing and hones in on the one sound that she always reaches for whenever the cabin fever starts getting too much for her and she needed to find her calm.

****

Finding it in less than three seconds, her daily routine of practising shutting out everything superfluous and focusing in on a different sound each day almost second nature by now, she feels a small piece of the ache in her chest instantly ease at the sound. 

****

“At the risk of sounding slightly stalkery, I confess that the sound often helps me feel less alone on this barren iceberg”. Hearing the tempo increase in response to her words, a small flush stains Alex's cheeks and a self-conscious rumble of laughter escapes her chest. 

****

“Are you listening to it now?”

****

The soft purr of Lena's voice draws Alex's eyes back to the screen despite her embarrassment, the warmth contained within it too enticing to ignore, and when she meets the loving gaze of the young businesswoman Alex finds nothing but pure adoration contained with their glowing orbs. 

****

Nodding her confirmation, Alex watches at Lena places a hand on her chest over her heart and then gives a beautifully radiant smile. “I can't believe you can hear this”.  

****

“I can”. Listening to the steady beat thrum away in her sensitive ears, the highly attuned Super can practically feel it pulse beneath Lena's fingertips too. “Ever since Kara.....ever since you barrelled your way into my life and saved me from myself, your heartbeat has been something I've used to centre myself with. Right from that first time, with all my friends and family watching, when you held me tight in your arms and read the eulogy I couldn't, I found myself seeking the security of its steady pace”. 

****

Shifting slightly in her seat, as nothing in the fortress is designed to be comfortable for any particular length of time, Alex notices how captivated Lena is by her tale. She hadn't meant to open up quite this much, knowing it might be harder for everyone down the line if she can't learn to control her powers but, after seeing how Lena has lit up in response to her words, she doesn't feel like she can stop now. 

****

Alex hates how hard the separation is on the sensitive woman so, if there is anything she can do to ease her pain, anything at all, then she feels duty bound to do it; even if that means sharing this deeply personal piece of information. 

****

“That night, up on the Observatory roof when you held me in your arms as I cried my eyes out after seeing the image of Kara in my birthday message-” Alex recalls how badly she had spiralled back then, the pain of Kara's death sending her down such a dark path that had Lena not shown up she was truly not sure she would be alive today “-I curled up in your embrace with my hand over your heart, and felt its steady beat ease my own frantic one as you stroked my hair. It's calm presence helped to pull me back from the depths of my despair”. 

****

A glassy sheen takes over Lena's eyes as Alex weaves her tale, as the quietly spoken words reach deep into her heart and wrap around it with velvet hands to soothe the ache of distance and time. Gazing at Alex with reverence shining from every pore, one lone tear escapes to trickle down a pale cheek as the raven haired woman's entire being radiates with longing to be with the redhead saying such beautiful things. 

****

“Over the months that followed your heartbeat became my way to centre myself whenever I became anxious, and I loved that you would allow me to rest my head on your chest whenever I needed to, no questions asked, because you knew how much it helped me”. Squirming slightly at how it also used to elicit  _ other _ feelings, Alex smiles awkwardly. “I'll admit that being that close to you also made me rather turned on, which was confusing as all hell, because you were my little sisters best friend!”

****

Chuckling at the embarrassed flush she can see warming the Super's cheeks, Lena shakes her head ruefully. “For a couple of geniuses, we're were rather stupid huh? All that time cuddled up with each other, thinking we were just friends, but were secretly pining after each like some sort of cheesy fan fiction story”. 

****

“Hey, some of those stories are hot”. Winking mischievously, Alex grins when she manages to pull a genuine belly laugh from the rapidly cheering CEO. 

****

“Yes, well, ignoring your penchant for questionable erotica, I honestly regret not being brave enough to tell you how I felt sooner”. 

****

“Hey, Faith and Willow was a popular pairing back in the day! Rogue Slayer and powerful witch, both having experienced the dark side of their powers, bonding over trauma and redemption! Don't knock it until you try it”. Defending her OTP more than she'd intended, Alex finds herself rolling her eyes when she realises where Kara got her nerdiness from. “Besides, you weren't the only one that didn't act on their feelings. Without the whole Hyn'nec invasion to slap me in the face about what I could be losing, I probably would have continued on the way we were forever”. 

****

“Why?”

****

Tilting her head to the side curiously, Lena reminds Alex of Kara so acutely that it sparks a moment of longing for the curious blonde that makes her heart twinge. 

****

Shaking it off, Alex smiles wryly as she answers. “Honestly? I never felt good enough for you”. 

****

“ _ What _ ?”

****

At Lena's incredulous look, Alex shrugs. “Look at you. You're a genius billionaire, who is insanely kind, generous, and gorgeous. You literally have people trying to chat you up every single day, and could have your pick of anyone you want. How could a middling employee of a convert Government organization, one that doesn't even officially exist, that earns less in a year than you spend on an outfit, and comes with a serious amount of danger built into the package, hope to ever be good enough for someone in your league?” 

****

“Oh Alex!” Shaking her head at the way the redhead describes herself, Lena tuts disapprovingly. “How could the runt of the litter of the worlds most reviled family, who is constantly in danger,  ever be good enough for a woman so respected she has been granted the title of Director at an organization tasked with ensuring the worlds safety – a woman so amazing that Supergirl herself based her moral code on her incredible heart”. 

****

“You're not a runt!” Frowning unhappily at Lena's description, Alex chooses to ignore the rest of her sentence in light of the fact that she doesn't know how to process such positive statements. 

****

“My point is, we  **both** need to stop thinking we're not good enough for the other, and let  _ them _ decide what they want-” aware that Alex is going to look past the complementary elements of her statement, Lena rolls her eyes at how stubborn the hard-headed can be “-because I for one, know that I want  _ you _ , Alexandra Danvers”. 

****

Seeing the delight that sparks in Alex's eyes at her words, only to quickly dampen as something that looks like regret passes across her face, Lena knows the logic driven woman is forcing her head to overrule her heart. 

****

“Look, Lena I think......”

****

“No, Alex I don't want to hear it.'' Interrupting before she gets a chance to say something selfless but ridiculous, Lena shakes her head adamantly. “I've dated enough people to know that I have never been with anyone who has made me feel anything even remotely close to the way I do when I'm with you, so I'm not going to let your wonderful, but misguided sense of honour for my happiness allow you to try and push me away”. 

****

“I just....I don't want you to waste your life waiting for something that might never be possible.'' Grimacing at the fact that the conversation has done a one hundred and eighty degree turn and is now once again in depressing territory, Alex still can't bring herself to lie. “I would much rather see you happily settled with someone else, no matter the cost to myself, than  _ ever _ risk your life by being with me while even a fraction of a millionth of a percent unsure about my powers. I care about you too much to ever put your in danger like that, Lena”. 

****

“So you're saying there's no chance for us? Ever?” 

****

The broken quality her voice, coupled with the tears once again bubbling in her eyes, stab at Alex like she imagines Kryptonite would had she not received the vaccine, and she feels like the worst person in the world for putting Lena through such pain. “I'm not saying never. I just can't promise it  **will** happen for sure either”. 

****

Sighing heavily, Alex scrubs her hands over her face before running them through her hair. Distractedly she notes it is the longest it has been in over a year, because she can no longer simply run the clippers over it whenever she fancies, and thinks it is just another detail of her life that she failed to consider before agreeing to take on these powers. 

****

“The future for us is uncertain right now, Lena, and I can give you no guarantees-” making no effort to hide the tears that trickle down her cheeks, Alex feels unashamed of her emotions for once “-but what I  _ can _ promise is that I am doing everything..... _ everything _ possible, to conquer these powers and come back to you”. 

****

“Oh, Alex....” Crying unabashedly, Lena reaches out for the screen, but before she can touch it the image splits and J'onn appears. 

****

Jolted by his sudden appearance, Alex inhales sharply and sits up straight in her seat as she swipes away the tears on her face. “J'onn? What....?”

****

“Alex, Lena, I sincerely apologise for this intrusion on your private time -” looking genuinely guilty for having to  interrupt what he knows is the only thing that sustains Alex through her long lonely days of solitude, his face is sombre as he acknowledges them both “-but I need Alex to leave the Fortress immediately”. 

****

“ **_What_ ** ?” Shock covering her face, Lena stares at J'onn with surprise as his unexpected words catch her off guard, before her eyes flick to Alex. “Are you saying she's ready to come out of isolation?” 

****

Bowing his head in regret, J'onn shakes it solemnly. “Unfortunately not, but we have a situation that requires immediate attention and we cannot wait until she is”.  

****

Alert to the serious tone in his voice, Alex tries to shake off the stupor of the last few minutes and find her Director head again. “If you're asking for my help, it means you're close to being out of options and Clark is either out of commission-” swallowing heavily when her mind immediately spirals with thoughts of Kara, she has to pull it away from the dark path it wants to travel down “-or it's bigger than just him. So, give me the details. What are we dealing with?”

****

  ****

****

“Two bogeys coming in fast on your left”. 

****

Swinging around to look to the indicated side, Alex spots the incoming threat and adjusts her course to take them into account. “Thanks for the heads up. Its good to have you back as my wingman, little bro”. 

****

Back at the DEO, Lena watches as Alex's words plaster a smile so big on Winn's face that the raven haired woman fears he might actually topple out of his wheelchair under the weight of it, but can't help the matching one lifting her lips too. 

****

“I've always got your back, Wonder Woman. You know that.” 

****

Grinding to a halt in mid-air, Alex throws up her arms just in time for the pair of Daxamite soldiers chasing her to careen straight into her fists. Watching as they spiral unconsciously down through the sky, she frowns in bemusement. “Er, I think there may be some copyright issues with that one”. 

****

“Dammit, all the cool names are taken!” 

****

As she sets off after the main ship again, where she knows Rhea is hiding out, Alex laughs lightly at the frustration she can hear in his voice. “Maybe I don't need a name just yet. I'm still not ready after all”. 

****

“But, you've got the suit....” 

****

“Which is wicked cool, by the way”. Grinning as she spins in the new outfit, Alex takes just a moment to luxuriate in the feeling of freedom flying through the sky affords her. “You and Lena went above and beyond for this, and I love it dude, truly”. 

****

When J'onn had arrived at the Fortress to collect her, he had handed her a belt to put on. Innocuous enough looking to start with, it's true nature had been unveiled when Alex had placed her thumb over the rear of the buckle (designed as such so that it wouldn't accidentally be triggered in day to day wearing) and the nanite tech housed within it had sprung out and built her suit around her within five seconds. 

****

The outfit now resembled a DEO tactical suit rather than the RedK suit Alex had worn in her first mission, but coloured in Supergirl's familiar red and blue, with the addition of a mask that cloaked her identity.

****

Having been surprised by the eye covering, and worried about its potential to slip and blind her at a crucial moment, Alex had attempted to remove it the second she'd discovered it upon her face; only to find that it didn't budge. In fact the mask had seemed grafted to her face, and she'd been unable to even get a purchase on it to attempt to lever it from her skin. 

****

However, after a rather rushed explanation from Winn (whom J'onn had been forced to contact when Alex had started freaking out because she couldn't work out how to deactivate it), she had learned that a voice control option within the belt's functions, allowed her the option of removing the mask while leaving the suit in place. A quick lesson about the basics of the suit had followed; voice modulator, space hood with  emergency oxygen supply (when/if needed), comms, GPS, and radiation shields. All voice activated, and built by the nanites. 

****

“Kara always used to complain that wearing her suit under her clothes meant she was forever ruining her shirts”. Warming up to his subject, Winn looks up and grins at Lena as she walks over and places a friendly hand on his shoulder. “So I figured, if  _ under _ was such a problem, this time we should go  _ over _ ”.

****

“I must admit I'm slightly saddened that I'll never get to do a shirt rip reveal, they always looked kinda fun; even with the heightened expenditure on clothing”. Weaving her way through the air and taking out multiple sentries as she goes, Alex spies Clark, J'onn, and M'gann surrounded by their own adversaries. 

****

“Who says you need something underneath it in order to justify ripping your shirt off? I think the reveal would be just as fun  _ without  _ the suit sitting below it”. 

****

Almost ploughing head first into the side of Rhea's ship as the warm, teasing purr of Lena's words send her pulse through the stratosphere and distracts her enough to take her eyes off where she is going, Alex has to jerk to the right hard in order to avoid ending up becoming space road-kill.  

****

“Jeez....us, Lena! I need more than a new ribcage from you if you're going to keep putting imagery like that in my head”. 

****

Hearing the whine of Winn's grossed out voice, Alex takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the pounding of her heart, and the continuing banter between the pair, as she rights herself and uses her heat vision to blast her way onto the ship. 

****

Shooting through the corridors, Alex searches the ship quickly but thoroughly, easily incapacitating the plethora of guards she finds on her way, but then draws to a halt when she reaches the main control room.

****

“Supergirl warned you not to return”. 

****

Standing upon the raised platform in the centre of the room, Rhea gazes down at Alex as if she has just been spoken to by a bug. “Yes, well, the so called 'Defender of the Earth' who so bewitched my son and turned him against his own kind isn't here to issue ultimatums anymore. Is she?” 

****

“She may not be here, but I am-” gritting her teeth against the surge of anger that had flowed through her at the condescending manner in which Rhea sneered the title, Alex forces herself to remain calm despite the urge to plough her fist through the wrinkly old cow's face “-and I'm warning you now that this second attempt at an invasion will end no better than your first”. 

****

“Are you so certain of that, New Defender? Because when your Kara drove us away by pouring lead into the atmosphere it was meant to keep us away for generations. Yet here we are, back and breathing  _ quite _ easily”. 

****

A slow, superior smile spreads across Rhea's face at that, one full of cold malice, and she pins Alex with a sharp look as she deliberately takes a deep breath in to drive her point home. 

****

“Winn....” 

****

Though her expression doesn't change, and she practically breathes his name under her breath, there must be something in her eyes that flickers as Rhea's smile morphs into a wolfish grin. “I will offer leniency to all Earthlings that bow to me before the end of the day, but once the deadline passes, so will my goodwill”. 

****

“Tests show our atmosphere is still irradiated with lead”. Winn's harried voice in her ear doesn't bring Alex the news she was hoping for. “It's not as strong as it was when originally released, but it should still be at fatalistic levels for a Daxamite”. 

****

_ “They found a way to inoculate themselves-” _

“You found a cure for lead poisoning-”

****

Lena speaks at almost the same time as Alex, mirroring her thoughts as she had so often in the past when they'd been discussing a scientific problem she'd brought home from L-Corp, and it is comforting to hear despite the situation. 

****

“Your planet isn't the only one with intelligent life on it”.  Smirking victoriously, Rhea clicks her fingers imperiously at the guards. 

****

Body thrumming with adrenaline, Alex is on high alert instantly when one of the guards all but leap to do her bidding, but allows herself to relax slightly when she sees they are simply unlocking the blacked out cage behind Rhea. Opening the heavy metal door, the guard reaches in and pulls a figure from the confines of the narrow box. 

****

Marching the raggedy individual over to where his queen stands, the guard deposits them in a heap at her feet. 

****

The solid thunk as their knees connect with the marble floor makes Alex wince in sympathy, even as the unkempt man manages to contain any noise at the rough treatment, but he is unable to hold in a gasp of pain when Rhea suddenly reaches down and jerks his head up by grabbing a handful of hair in her fingers. 

****

“I believe you've dealt with this imp before, so you should be aware of just how  **powerful** he is.''

****

With his neck arched back at such a painful angle, showcasing the heavy electronic collar clamped securely around it, the man on his knees is forced to look up at Alex and display his face clearly. 

****

“Holy crap, Mxyzptlk?” Staring at the dishevelled man, who is such a far cry from the suave and put together self confessed 'God' that had caused such trouble when he'd attempted to get Kara to agree to marry him several years ago, that it actual stuns Alex for a moment. “What the hell?”

****

“His own, personal hell, actually”. 

****

Laughing at her own joke, Rhea releases her grip on his hair and Mxyzptlk's head drops instantly. 

****

“You see, this fool came to my planet trying to woo one of my subjects. A vapid young thing who was charmed by his attention and was eager to run off with him, but luckily for me tradition on Daxam states that all marriages need to get the blessing of the current monarch”. Speaking breezily, as if a war isn't currently raging around her, Rhea waves her hand dismissively. “Of course, this egocentric idiot ran his mouth immediately and pledged all sorts of things in order to try and secure my blessing. Once of which.....”

****

“Was curing your susceptibility to lead poisoning”. Alex finishes the smug Queen's sentence for her, knowing all too well the lengths the powerful man would be willing to go to in order to get what he wanted. “He clearly honoured his word, so why is he still in chains?” 

****

Raising a haughty eyebrow, Rhea puffs up her chest. “What kind of leader would I be if I let such a  _ useful _ asset simply walk away after he proved what he could do with the simple flick of his wrists?” 

****

“The kind that breaks their word”. Staring down at the fallen imp, Alex can't even find it in her to be angry at him for giving their enemy such a powerful advantage. “And what of the woman he loves?”

****

“How do you think I get him to behave when we de-active that collar of his in order for him to perform his little....tricks?” Her words cause the man at her feet to glare up at her with hatred burning in his eyes, but she ignores his as she jauntily carries on. “His little trollop resides in my cells and provides....motivation, for him to comply with my commands”. 

****

“You're reprehensible”. Looking back up at the posturing woman, Alex fixes her with a hard glare. 

****

“And you're out of options”. 

****

“Don't count your chickens just yet, you vile hag”. The low growl in her ear sends a pleasant shiver through Alex, despite the cold words, as Lena's voice purrs deliciously over her senses. “Alex, Winn is hacking the ships mainframe and should be able to override the power in less than sixty seconds. J'onn is ready at the cells to free Mxyzptlk's fiancée, and Clark is going to take out the generator to make sure they can't get power running again. If you can capture Rhea, the rest should surrender without problem”. 

****

Feeling the slow burn of satisfaction spread through her as a plan forms in her mind, Alex knows exactly what she needs to do in order to capture the arrogant Queen. 

****

Crossing her arms over her chest, she shifts her weight onto her right hip and adopts a relaxed pose. “It seems you've forgotten about one rather important option left available to me”.  

****

“Oh, really?” Looking down at her nose at Alex, the Super can tell Rhea thinks she is bluffing. “Pray tell, what lame imagining do you think you can come up with that will outsmart my superior army and magical being?”

****

“Well, you are correct in the assumption that you  _ do _ have a superior army, and Mxyzptlk  _ is _ very powerful, but you're still forgetting that one, tiny, but important, detail”. Listening to the quiet countdown in her ear, Alex taps her index finger over her lips as she pretends to ponder the question. “See, we have an adage here on Earth, and although its used in movies more than real life, I think it's apt right about now”. 

****

“A saying?” Rhea laughs contemptuously. “You plan to beat me with a saying?”

****

“Well, you haven't heard it yet”. Smiling innocently, Alex remains relaxed as Lena's voice nears zero in her ear. “It's a good one.''  

****

Waving her hand dismissively,Rhea huffs in annoyance. “Fine. Spit it out, if you must”. 

****

“Hey, Mxyzptlk, you'll want to hear it too-” at the sound of his name the fallen God lifts his head, exposing the collar around his neck dampening his powers, just in time for Alex to see the light indicating the juice keeping him contained flick off  “-because it goes a little like this - The enemy of my enemy…….is my friend”. 

****

With a quick flash of controlled heat vision Alex slices through the metal collar and frees Mxyzptlk from its limitations, watching as the inert restraint falls in half to either side of him, a split second before using her speed to rush at Rhea. 

****

Catching the Queen off guard Alex slams her hard in the gut and forces her back several steps, but the older woman recovers fast and counter-swings with a solid jab to Alex's jaw. 

****

The fight is brief, with Alex only getting in one more solid shot to the Daxamite Monarch's ribcage before Rhea is suddenly swathed in chains so thick that only her eyes show through, and Alex swings round to see Mxyzptlk glowering at the pinned Queen from just behind her. 

****

Just as he is raising his hand, no doubt intending to inflict some further vengeance upon the woman who has kept him prisoner for who knows how long, Alex steps in front of him. “I know you want to punish her, but I need you to do something else for me right now”. 

****

Pulled from his focus, Mxyzptlk frowns unhappily as he looks up at Alex. “She took my love....”

****

“We've got her”. Placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, Alex smiles softly at the traumatised man. “My friends rescued her at the same time I cut you free. She's safe, I promise you, and you can see her real soon. But right now, we have an invasion to stop”. 

****

 *****

****

The fighting stops almost immediately once Winn broadcasts footage of Rhea in a DEO cell, Mxyzptlk standing proudly outside it, with the ultimatum of “Cease or have your vulnerability to lead returned”. 

****

After that it's simply a case of rounding up the Daxamites, placing them in a holding centre for processing, and giving them the choice of leaving on a ship returning to the planet they had colonised as “New Daxam” or staying and registering as a citizen of Earth. 

****

With Rhea remaining in custody on Earth, the majority choose to return to their own planet, and hold a democratic vote for the first time in their culture's history to elect a new ruler. 

****

Just before the ship departs, Mxyzptlk and his fiancée Jantee among those returning to build a new, kinder, society, the newly humbled imp pulls Alex to one side. 

****

“I know the last time I was here my behaviour towards your sister was less than ideal, but I wanted to say that I was truly saddened to hear about her death”. Eyes downcast and face sombre, the formerly arrogant man looks genuinely repentant for the way he acted while trying to woo Kara. “I also wanted to thank you for trusting me enough, despite those actions, to free me and Jantee even though you had no obligation to”. 

****

Placing her hand on his shoulder, Alex gives the reformed man a warm smile. “Kara believed in giving people second chances, so it was only fair you got yours”. 

****

Returning her smile, Mxyzptlk nods at her wise words, then frowns slightly. “During my captivity Rhea made me look in on you....”

****

“WHAT?” Eyebrows practically jumping off her forehead in shock as she drops her hand, Alex bristles at the thought of the horrid woman knowing what she was doing in her private moments. “You spied on me?”

****

Looking abashed even as he nods, Mxyzptlk sighs heavily. “I would not have done so had I a choice, but each act of defiance resulted in Jantee being harmed, rather than I”. 

****

Seeing the way his eyes cloud over with remembered pain, no doubt memories of watching his love be tortured in front of him for trying to stand up to the evil Queen, Alex feels the anger drain from her as she knows she would have done the same had Rhea threatened Lena in her stead. 

****

Replacing her hand on his shoulder, she gives it a reassuring squeeze. “Love comes before everything. I understand that and hold no hard feelings”. 

****

Eye's shining with gratitude, Mxyzptlk swallows hard. “My spying was how Rhea knew Kara was gone, and that you were....unsure, with your powers. She believed that, coupled with her species weakness removed, tipped the scales back into her favour and that she could once again attempt to reclaim this planet as she dismissed Clark as inferior to Kara, and you no threat at all. How very wrong she was”. 

****

“We couldn't have done it without you, Mxyzptlk, so thank you”. Dropping her hand from his shoulder, Alex holds it out to shake. 

****

Taking her hand gladly, he places his other over it as he pumps it up and down several times. “You saved not only my life, but more importantly you saved Jantee's life, so thank YOU, Alex”. 

****

Smiling at the way his face lights up at every time he mentions his girl, Alex can't help but feel wistful about Lena. She knows she shouldn't, because it isn't helpful, but she can't help the twinge of envy that winds it way through her as she wishes she was heading back to the woman she loves instead of the Fortress. 

****

As if sensing her wandering thoughts, Mxyzptlk tilts his head slightly and studies Alex curiously. “During my time watching you, I because aware of the predicament you are in with your own lady love”. 

****

Releasing his hand, Alex takes a step back and rubs the back of her neck self consciously. “Oh, it's...er...we're working on it”. 

****

“There is something I want to give you, as a thank you, that will aid you with that work”. 

****

With a theatrical wave of his hands Mxyzptlk produces a cloud of purple smoke, that quickly begins to grow in size. “This will take you to a place where time will not matter. A place where you can remain as long as you need to, in order to gain control over your powers, and not age a day. Then, when you have become the master you need to be, you will be returned to the woman that you love in order to be able to start your lives together”. 

****

Before she can react, Mxyzptlk pushes his hands out towards her and Alex finds herself being completely enveloped in the purple smoke. 

****

Then, suddenly, the world around her disappears, and Alex is transported through time and space to a completely different realm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the length of time it took me to get this chapter done. Life, as always, is more complicated than anticipated. 
> 
> Please do let me know what you think, and where you think Alex might have ended up!
> 
> I have an.....interesting, instalment planned!
> 
>  
> 
> As ever, your comments give me life xx


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mxyzptlk performs his enchantment, Alex finds herself cast through time and space. 
> 
> At first completely thrown, Alex soon learns that Death is NOT always the End.
> 
>  
> 
> (Here it is people. The reason for the title)

“What the.....?”

****

Disoriented from the abrupt trip across the void of time and space, Alex stumbles as the purple fog swirls around her feet and dissipates into the crisp morning air. 

****

Feeling her stomach roll like she's just rode the big dipper at Space mountain for the thirteenth time in a row, she swallows thickly and gamely holds onto the contents of her last meal instead of bringing it up for the few passers-by, who are already giving her strange looks, to gawk at. 

****

Glancing down at herself, Alex is relieved to find that she is clad in her civilian clothes rather than her superhero suit, though sees she is still wearing the belt. She remembers deactivating the suit after the last of the Daxamites had boarded the ship, in preparation for returning home, and just before Mxyzptlk had pulled her to one side to talk. 

****

“Mxyzptlk!” 

****

Exclaiming out loud as her memory kicks in, Alex flushes and hurriedly apologies when she startles the young mum that happens to be passing her by. 

****

“That damned imp-”muttering more quietly now, Alex heads over to an empty bench and flops down onto it “-he did this!”

****

Placing her head in her hands, she closes her eyes and tries to picture the conversation they'd had. 

****

_ It will take you to a place where time will not matter. A place where you can remain as long as you need to, in order to gain control over your powers, and not age a day. Then, when you have become the master you need to be, you will be returned to the woman that you love in order to be able to start your lives together.  _

****

“What the heck does that even mean?” 

****

Opening her eyes, Alex huffs out her frustration as she glances around at the park she has been stranded in the middle of. At first, it just seems like any ordinary park. Lots of green, with some trees strategically placed and a pleasant water feature for the kids to splash in. 

****

Except..... “I know that water feature!”

****

Hopping up off the bench the second she realises she recognises the landmark, Alex is striding over to take a closer look with confusion written all over her face. Stopping when she is directly in front of it, Alex spends so long staring at it that an elderly couple come wandering over and pause to admire it too. 

****

“It's very pretty, isn't it”. 

****

Drawn out of her stupor by the question, Alex turns her head and gazes down in befuddlement at the older woman. “Huh?”

****

“I said its very pretty, isn't it”. Nodding towards the fountain, the sweet lady smiles kindly at Alex.  “I can see why you're so taken with it”. 

****

“Oh yes, yes it is very pretty-” seemingly content that her query has been answered, the woman wanders off to join her husband who had shuffled ahead to the café, and so misses the rest of Alex's softly spoken, almost absently said, reply “-but that's not why I was staring. It just I.....I haven't seen it in one piece for a long, long time. Not since my sister accidentally smashed into it while fighting one of the escaped convicts from Fort Rozz.  **Three years ago** ”.  

****

  ****

****

_ No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. NO! This CAN'T be happening! _

****

Feeling like she is about to throw up, Alex stares down at the newspaper that confirms that it  **IS** in fact happening, and doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Because Mxyzptlk, in his bizarre attempt to help, has sent Alex three years into the past.

****

To a time when Kara is still alive. 

****

The tears dripping onto the paper below her make the decision for Alex, and she hurriedly turns away as she swipes at her face in embarrassment when the vendor shoots her a questioning look, as she can't explain why an image of National City's Superhero on the front page should provoke such a strong emotional response. 

****

Her first instinct is to rush over to Catco, where she knows Kara is most likely to be this time of day (barring any superheroing that needs doing) and tell her everything, but something inside pulls her up short. 

****

Reluctantly retreating to the bench she had been on before, Alex sinks down onto it and runs through the scenario in her head. 

****

_ I go to Kara and tell her I'm from the future. She'll think I'm joking so I'm going to have to show her my powers. She'll freak out and think I'm an imposter, so I'm gunna get thrown in a DEO cell for a while. I'll....well, me or the  _ **_other_ ** _ me, will eventually convince her to do a DNA test to see if I'm telling the truth but....., I'm impervious to Kryptonite. Crap, she's going to have to lump me in the nose isn't she? Okay, suck it up Danvers, you never had to deal with sibling fights growing up so I guess you can take one for the team this time. So, she makes you bleed and  _ **_other me_ ** _ tests it. It proves you're you and that you're telling the truth. They all freak out a little because they haven't met Barry or the Legends yet so haven't learnt about the multi-verse or time travel. I explain what I can without revealing too much about the future, so as to not affect the time-line, and get their help undoing whatever it is Mxyzptlk did to me.  _

****

However, as the plan goes through her mind, Alex can't help the small, insidious part of her brain that keeps thinking:  _ Kara is alive. Here and now. This is your chance to KEEP her that way.  _

****

For as much as she knows the dangers of messing with the time-line, Alex longs to right the pain of her past and save her sisters life. 

****

 ****

****

No matter how she tries, she can't stay away,  so she decides to compromise. 

****

Instead of  barrelling into Catco like she wants to, Alex goes to Kara's apartment and enters through the window she knows her sister always leaves open. It has pretty much been that way ever since Kara had found herself covered in goo when a particularly disgusting alien had exploded in reaction to being hit with her heat vision when it had her pinned, and she'd had to creep into the building and through the hallways, trying to avoid old Mrs. Naumbaur from next door spotting her so that she didn't tell the papers that Supergirl was prowling their hallway looking like Slimer from Ghostbusters, to get to her apartment. 

****

Switching on her disguise just in case, Alex makes the short trip without problem, but as soon as she lands in the middle of the familiar apartment and takes in the sight of the place; which she had spent time sorting through and packing up of all Kara's personal things from, before giving the key back to the landlord, a barrage of emotions swamp her and her knees give out under her. 

****

“Oh my god....” 

****

Slumping heavily to the ground, Alex takes a deep breath in and the smell of Kara - the warm, comforting scent that she hasn't smelled in months, and which had unknowingly started to fade from her memory, hits her like a freight train. It permeates her brain like a shot of alcohol and releases a flood of tears instantly, causing the older Danvers to wail in anguish as the pain she has spent months learning to deal with floods through her anew. 

****

Digging her nails into her palms as she desperately tries to stop herself from losing control, Alex uses every bit of strength she has to clamp down on her heightened senses and block the scent of Kara from overwhelming her further. 

****

“Damn it, Danvers. Calm down and focus!”

****

Taking deep, slow breaths, she concentrates on the techniques she always practised at the Fortress, and slowly manages to claw her way back from the brink of a panic attack.  As she calms and her mind clears of its haze, Alex realises that while her sense of smell may be shut down, her hearing is still amplified, because she can hear something familiar.

****

Familiar and rhythmic.

****

Eyes popping open in shock, Alex's head swivels in the direction the sound is coming from, even though the source is too far to be seen, not even with her enhanced sight, and breathes out the name on shaky lips. “ _ Lena _ ?”

****

 ****

****

Knowing that she can't stay at Kara's, because seeing her sister will be too much for her to handle right now, Alex suits up once more. 

****

Following the steady rhythm of Lena's gentle heartbeat, she flies high enough to avoid being spotted by anyone on the ground until she is directly over L-Corp, then lowers herself straight down onto the roof of the building. 

****

Perching on the edge of the skyscraper, her legs dangling over the lip as if she on the edge of a pier, Alex sits atop the building and looks out over National City as she revels in being so close to the woman she loves. 

****

However, she’s all too aware that this isn't  _ her _ Lena, as this version has barely said more than a handful of sentences to her best friends FBI sister at this point (even if they have already saved each other’s lives), and listening to her heartbeat is as close to being with Lena as Alex can hope for right now. 

****

Anything more would risk upsetting the course of her own time-line, because right now  _ this _ Alex is still with Maggie; head over heels in love, and doesn't have eyes for anyone else. 

****

Alex is a little envious of her past self, because this times version is still blissfully oblivious of all the heartbreak that is hurtling towards her. Discovering her father is working for Cadmus, breaking up with Maggie because of her desire for kids one day, losing Kara....

****

Sniffling as a rush of tears clog her throat and make her vision blurry, Alex is just about to give the command to deactivate her mask so that she can wipe her face properly when a voice from behind freezes the words in her throat. 

****

“Please don't think me rude. It's not that I'm unused to super powered beings landing on my building, but they normally extend me the courtesy of announcing their arrival in order to indicate that their presence is benign, so the weaponry is just....precautionary”.   

****

Tensing up instantly at the unexpected turn of events, Alex kicks herself for not thinking that Lena might have installed motion sensor equipment even on the perimeter of the building, and also for allowing herself to have gotten so caught up in her own thoughts that she had lost track of monitoring the CEO's heartbeat. 

****

“I assure you I am no threat, and I apologise if I made it appear that way”. Even though her mask remains in place Alex is hesitant to turn around, so remains facing the horizon as she speaks. “I was merely seeking a quiet spot for a little contemplation, but I realise now the folly of my actions so I will leave you in peace and.....” 

****

Gesturing out towards the sky Alex indicates that she will leave, but is stopped by Lena's quick response. 

****

“No. Stay!” Hearing the note of eagerness in her voice, Lena clears her throat awkwardly, then when she speaks again it is with a much more reserved and filtered air that Alex recognises as the CEO having built some walls to hide her emotions behind. “If you really are a peaceful entity then you are more than welcome to stay as long as you wish”. 

****

“That's very kind of you Miss. Luthor-” turning her head just enough to get a glimpse of the businesswoman out of the corner of her eye, Alex feels her breath catch in her throat at the stunning sight of a younger Lena, backlit by the mid afternoon sun. 

****

Glowing like a halo around her, the sun seems to radiate off every inch of Lena's perfect frame and highlight everything Alex has missed about her, reinforcing just how deeply in love with the brilliant woman the young superhero really is “-but er...I, I really don't wa...want to impose. I'm sure you're a very busy woman”. 

****

Stumbling over her words as her brain melts down with need, Alex has to force herself to look away in order to stop herself from using her x-ray vision to look beneath that form fitting business suit and focus on not screwing things up even more than she already is. 

****

“I can usually find time in my schedule for a quick pow wow with a new superhero, even when they choose to perch on the top of my building like some kind of sentinel ”. Despite the humour in her voice, Alex also detects a hint of strain as Lena continues talking. “Although..... may I request that we lower this meeting by a few floors and relocate to my office balcony?” 

****

Eyes widening in realisation, Alex immediately jumps up and hurries over to Lena before she can think better of it. “Oh my god, Lee, I'm so sorry for not thinking about it sooner. This must be hell on you! Here, put your hand my arm and I'll help you over to the door”. 

****

Staring at her slightly stunned, Lena nevertheless does as she is told and places a hand on Alex's forearm. 

****

“That's it. Just hold onto me and I'll see you safe”. Crooning soothingly as she slowly walks the pair of them over to the door leading off the roof, Alex focuses her hearing back on Lena's heartbeat and finds it thrumming like a hummingbirds wings. “You're doing really well. Just a few more steps and then we'll be off the roof and back on more level ground, okay?” 

****

Feeling strong, dexterous fingers tighten around her wrist in response, Alex takes it as Lena's answer and offers an encouraging smile even as she keeps her eyes locked onto the target of the door over her shoulder. 

****

As soon as they reach it, and using the greatest care possible, Alex turns the handle with her free hand. Backing herself through first, she guides Lena through into the stairwell and allows the door to swing closed behind them. “Here we are. Perfectly safe”. 

****

As the echo from the door slamming shut dies away Alex finds the pressure on her arm increasing rather than relenting like she'd expected, and with a frown she swings her eyes up to meet Lena's. 

****

Baffled, slightly scared (but hiding it admirably given how shaken she is), and full of questions emerald eyes connect with hers immediately and search their depths for answers. When they come up empty, and Alex sees the frustration register in the slight crinkling around the edges of Lena's mouth as it sets in a tight line, the shorter woman speaks. 

****

“You know me, but I don't know you. How is that possible?” 

****

“I...er....” The question catches Alex completely off-guard and she stares at Lena like a rabbit caught in headlights for a few seconds. “That answer is.....complicated”. 

****

“I've heard  **that** line from Superheroes before.” Scoffing lightly, Lena shakes her head slightly before looking up at Alex with a rare look of vulnerability seeping into her expression. “However you somehow know about my fear of heights, which is a secret I've never told  **anyone** **_,_ ** and that means the answer  _ is _ complicated” _.  _

****

Unable to move away because of the firm grip the CEO still has around her wrist, Alex finds herself getting lost in the wide beseeching eyes laser focused on her. 

****

“The way you just took care of me, so gentle and familiar, tells me that I must mean a lot to you _ ,  _ and that choosing to perch on my building wasn't just random-” Alex feels like Lena's perceptive eyes are piercing straight through her disguise and seeing straight into her soul “-but you're wearing that mask because you don't want me to recognise you. Please, you don't have to tell me who you are but….., who am I to you?”

****

“For the sake of your world I can't tell you everything-” taking a deep breath in, Alex feels her heart hammering in her chest as she gazes down at the younger version of Lena and sees her face fall, thinking Alex is about to fob her off like Supergirl always does, and decides to take a leap of faith “-but what I  _ can _ say is that where I am from, my Lena means everything to me”. 

****

“Your..... _ your _ Lena?” The sharp inhale the dark haired woman had taken at hearing her gently spoken confession, coupled with the way her eyes had widened and her fingers had instinctively tightened on her forearm, had told Alex that Lena understood the meaning behind the unspoken element of her sentence, even as she sought to clarify it.  

****

Nodding softly, Alex offers a small smile that feels slightly wobbly on her lips. “Maybe this is a conversation better suited for your office?”

****

“Oh-” glancing around as if only just noticing they are still standing at the top of the stairwell, Lena flushes slightly “-of course. I assume you know the way?”

****

Trying to ignore the way her pulse leaps in response to that impetuous eyebrow raise, Alex inclines her head to shows that she does. 

****

“Then by all means, lead the way”. 

****

Surprised when Lena chooses not to remove her hand from her arm, Alex hesitates for a brief moment. 

****

Caught up in her worry about controlling her powers once again, all her all insecurities come flooding back but, after stealing a quick glimpse of the woman next to her, who seems perfectly at ease about her decision to place her trust in a total super-powered stranger (and whose heartbeat Alex can hear is still above normal), she decides to trust herself too.  

****

Focusing on the minutiae of every action, Alex ensures she puts just the right amount of pressure into every step, twist, turn, and hand placement as she navigates them down the private stairwell and through the doorway into the lobby area that leads to Lena's office, so as to not jar the precious cargo holding onto her, in any way. 

****

As soon as the pair of them enter, Alex taking such great pains to ensure she doesn't bump Lena as they both pass through the door that she accidentally gets a little closer than intended, Lena's assistant leaps up in alarm at the sight of the unfamiliar masked entity next to her armed boss. “Miss. Luthor are you....?”

****

“Hey Jess-” cutting her off before she can finish, Alex leaves the bemused secretary staring at her open mouthed as she leads the CEO across the threshold and into her office “-Lena's fine, but could you be a doll and grab her a bottle of that flavoured water you keep behind your desk?”

****

So focused is she on ensuring she gets Lena to her couch unharmed (and the gun placed on the coffee table), it is only once she has sat the young businesswoman safely on the comfy seat and taken a step back that Alex notices the small smile gracing the seated woman's lips. 

****

Instantly nervous, Alex takes another step back and clasps her hands together defensively. 

****

Before she can thinks too long on it, the door opens and Jess enters holding a glass of water. Eyes roving over Alex with open curiosity as she approaches the pair, they then swing to her boss as she hands over the drink. “Do you require anything else, Miss. Luthor?” 

****

“Would you like a drink Miss.....?” Tilting her head towards Alex, Lena pauses to highlight the fact that she is expecting to be informed of a name she can call her. 

****

“Oh, no. No, thank you. I'm fine for now. '' Frowning slightly as she realises that she is actually rather hungry, Alex wonders if Mxyzptlk factored in a way for her to feed herself in this timeline. “But thank you for the offer”. 

****

“I guess that will be all for now then, Jess”. 

****

“Very well, Miss. Luthor. '' Turning to go, Jess once again gives Alex a cautious once over. 

****

Crossing her arms over her chest awkwardly, Alex attempts to give the curious assistant a smile. “I like the bangs. Are they new?”

****

Frowning and patting her hair as she exits the room, Jess shoots one last wary glance at her boss before closing the door.  

****

Startled by the sound of a burst of deep, husky laughter, Alex pivots to find Lena staring at her as she laughs freely. Eyes widening in surprise, she glances about to try and work out what has triggered the outburst, but when she can find no obvious cause she turns back to the amused CEO in confusion. “What's.......... so funny?”

****

“For a mysterious superhero, you're pretty bad at being mysterious you know”. Lifting a sculpted eyebrow in amusement, Lena chuckles as she sips on her drink. 

****

“I...what? No. I'm, I'm... mysterious”. Stuttering over her words, Alex runs a hand through her hair self consciously. “Besides I, I never said I was a superhero. You....you said that. You called me a superhero and I guess I never corrected you, which in hindsight is  _ my _ fault but I......”

****

Chuckling once more, Lena shakes her head in amusement. “Wow, I never thought I'd meet as big a babbler as my best friend Kara, but I think you might just be her match”. 

****

Inhaling sharply, Alex's face changes from hapless befuddlement to instantaneous pain the second she hears her sisters name, and she has to turn to look out the window in an attempt to hide her reaction. 

****

“I'm sorry, did I say something out of turn?” Aware of the sudden change in temperament, as years in the boardroom have left Lena well versed in how to read a person's body language; of which the Super's is screaming tightly wound....something, the earlier humour drops from the CEO as she studies the back of this strange  woman carefully. “Or did you hear someone out there that needs you?”

****

Quiet for so long that Lena has half given up on getting an answer at all, when Alex eventually replies it is in such a soft voice that it forces the businesswoman to stand up and take several steps forward just to ensure she hears it properly. “There are always people that need help, but they aren't calling for me. This ti...this realm, already has a protector”. 

****

“Supergirl”. 

****

The sound of her sisters alter-ego name purred with such affection in that sweet, melodic tone reminds Alex how much Lena used to adore  _ both _ of her sisters personalities, and the image of Lena's face as she'd detailed how she'd recklessly marched up to that beast to recover Kara's body, without any shred of an idea how to overpower him, stabs at her. 

****

Able to see in the reflection caused by the early afternoon light on the window the way the masked Super's jaw flexes in response to her statement, Lena finds the reaction highly interesting, and makes a mental note of it as she watches the tight nod she gets in answer. 

****

“I'm, er... I'm here to ask for her help actually”. 

****

Both eyebrows raising at that, Lena tilts her head curiously. “Well now, it seems you really are in luck, as she just so happens to be a friend of mine.'' 

****

Seeing the muscle in the redhead's tense jaw tick over once again at her words, Lena's brows lower as her mind makes the connections. 

****

“But, you already knew that. Didn't you?”

****

A terse nod fails to satisfy the intense curiosity now pulsing through her so Lena paces across her office to stand beside the quietly brooding Super, and from her new vantage point she is able to see the mystery woman's face. 

****

Although the mask hides her identity from Lena it fails to conceal the raw emotion on display in her eyes, and the sight of it sends a sliver of something sliding down the raven haired woman's spine.

****

 For in her eyes, Lena can see a broken soul desperately trying to hold itself together.

****

Without even thinking about it the shorter woman brings her hand up and places it on the Super's upper arm, her slender fingers curling delicately around the sizeable bicep defined rather than concealed by the futuristic material, and gives it a soft squeeze. “I know I'm not your Lena, and this must be....difficult for you but,  _ please _ , let me help”. 

****

When Alex grinds her teeth together this time, fighting back the sob that tries to wrench its way from her throat at just how much she wants to cave and confess everything to the woman in front of her, Lena doesn't have to watch through the window. Instead she gets a first hand look when the smooth plane of her cheek moves, and she gets the strange urge to stroke her fingertips over it in an attempt to soothe the tortured muscle. 

****

Unable to dwell on the unexpected thought when she hears Alex clear her throat, Lena's focus is pulled back to the intriguing Super when she turns to fix solemn brown eyes on her. 

****

“I trust you. You may not be my Lena, but you are  **still** Lena Luthor. Which means you are the woman I trust not only with  _ my _ life, but more importantly with the lives of my family, and I would die for you in a heartbeat-” unable to believe what she is hearing, tears spring into Lena's eyes instantly “- so please know that what I say next is not because I don't trust you with my entire being”. 

****

Feeling herself getting choked up at the way Lena had immediately reacted to her words, Alex has to stop and take a deep breath in order to continue. 

****

Wishing she could reach out and wipe the tears from Lena's cheek like she has so many times in the past, the nervous Super instead takes a moment to walk the few steps necessary to reach the large glass desk the CEO used to own (which Alex vaguely remembers got destroyed during one of the number of assassination attempts in the intervening years), and opens the bottom right hand drawer to access the stash of tissues Lena always keeps there. 

****

Making her way back to the wide eyed woman, she hands the box over with a grim smile when she realises what she'd just done. Gesturing to it, she continues. “Anything I tell you about what I know, or  _ how _ I know it, could affect your reality, and have  **serious** consequences for everyone involved. So despite my wanting to tell you everything, really,  _ really _ badly; I just can't”. 

****

Taking the proffered tissues silently, Lena pulls a couple from the box and dabs at her face for a few moments in quiet contemplation. After she has disposed of them and placed the box on the edge of her desk, she heads to the liquor cabinet and pours herself three fingers of scotch. 

****

Knocking it back without preamble, she pours two more fingers before turning back to Alex and pointing down at the bottle. “Do you...?”

****

“Oh, no. Thank you. '' Holding up her hand, Alex declines the offer with a tight smile. “Alcohol no longer affects me, and even if it did I would probably still need to say no given the circumstances”. 

****

Putting the bottle back in its place, Lena picks up her glass and begins pacing with it clutched to her chest as her brain tries to process everything.

****

Remaining as quiet and still as the furniture, Alex tracks the dark haired woman's movements with her eyes. 

****

After several minutes Lena pauses, takes a sip of her drink, then turns to look at the quiet woman with a contemplative look on her face. “Are you hungry?” 

****

Not expecting that to be the question first Lena comes out with after what she'd just told her, Alex is slow to reply, and so the loud rumble of her stomach in the ensuing void is unmistakable. 

****

The throaty chuckle it draws from Lena almost makes Alex quirk a smile, as she has missed the sound of it in person so damned much, but her next words wipe all though of humour from Alex's mind entirely as a burst of pain lances straight through her heart. 

****

“God, you and Kara could be related you're so much alike!”

****

  ****

****

“Thank you for the food. It was very generous of you”. 

****

Waving her hand to dismiss the words of gratitude, Lena smiles softly at the woman standing in the doorway leading out the balcony where she is sitting. “You're not the first Super I've had to feed. I know the kind of appetite a Kryptonian can work up, even when not zipping about all over the place”. 

****

“I....Kryptonian....what?” Mouth dropping open in surprise, Alex stumbles over her words as Lena manages to catch her off guard for what seems to be the twentieth time today. “I  **never** said I was a Kryptonian!”

****

“No, but your reaction just did”. Looking up at the stunned Super from her position in her chair, Lena studies Alex's face carefully as she continues talking. “You also mentioned that alcohol used to affect you, which means you didn't always have powers; just like Supergirl didn't on her home planet of Krypton. If you combine that piece of information with the fact that your suit has the same colours as Supergirl's, and you have at least her powers of flight and hearing, plus you've come here for her help; it's not a far off assumption that you yourself are also Kryptonian”. 

****

Unable to help but be impressed by way Lena's powers of logic have made so many connections so quickly, Alex can't stop the small smile that lift the corners of her lips as she shakes her head slowly. “That big old brain of yours will never cease to amaze me”. 

****

Feeling that  _ something _ again, Lena flushes as the tenderness the words are soaked in wrap around her and cause her to swallow hard. The affection that is clear in this super beings voice, for the version of Lena she knows, makes her feel something she knows is ridiculous; because even though she has felt this emotion in the past, she had never felt it aimed at herself before. 

****

Jealousy. 

****

Lena is actually jealous that some other version of herself holds this woman's affections, and the knowledge has her feeling rather discombobulated. 

****

“Yes, well. My mother has always said my intellect was the greatest thing about me”.  

****

Smiling tightly, Lena tries to move past the moment with a shot at humour, but sees she has made an error in judgement when the look on Alex's face changes from tender to incredibly angry in an instant. 

****

“Your mother is a fraud who doesn't deserve the title bestowed upon her and belongs in jail for everything she's done to you”. Growling the words low in her chest as she steps out fully onto the balcony, Alex's eyes flash with unconcealed hatred for Lillian and everything Lena has had to endure because of her twisted idea of 'family'.  

****

Dropping down to one knee in front of Lena's chair, Alex is unable to stop herself from continuing as she knows that this timeline’s version of Lena is a much more fragile person when it comes to issues with her mother. “There are so many amazing things about you, Lena, that it would take an entire week just to list them properly. NEVER believe that woman and her vile lies when you and I both know what an amazing, beautiful,  **incredible** human being you are”.

****

Gazing up at the woman she loves, Alex can see shock, surprise, and confusion in her eyes, and she knows that to have a total stranger come out of nowhere and start saying all these things must sound crazy; but to her relief she can see no disbelief in Lena's beautiful green orbs. 

****

Instead she sees acceptance of her words, and a radiance that makes her heart sing in her chest with love. 

****

When Lena reaches out to cup her cheek Alex automatically starts to draw back, fear of inadvertently hurting the fragile woman immediately shooting through her again, but when she sees how disappointed Lena looks she stops and bites her lip. After a moments internal debate she moves her head back into range and nods slowly, giving Lena a slightly trembly smile to signal her consent, then almost loses her breath as the smooth skin of the seated woman's fingertips hesitantly make contact with her cheek. 

****

Eyes fluttering closed at the feeling of long, delicate fingers skimming over her skin, Alex sucks in a sharp breath when Lena's thumb suddenly swoops across her lower lip. It is a barely there, no more than a ghost of a touch; but it awakens her senses like electricity striking a light-bulb factory.  

****

Heart thudding wildly in her chest, Alex takes several slow, deep breaths to try and calm herself, and finds her hearing automatically tuning into the sound that always centres her. However, the steady beat she normally finds is not there, and in its place is a tempo far faster than she was expecting. 

****

Eyes popping open in surprise, Alex finds Lena has shifted in her seat so that their faces are now only inches apart, and the CEO's green orbs have darkened into swirling pools of blatant desire. 

****

Shocked by such a change, Alex is struck speechless and can only gaze into Lena's eyes in wonder as she feels a similar rush take hold inside herself. She remains frozen as she feels Lena's fingers slide up to cup the back of her neck, and her eyes drop down to watch luscious lips start to close the distance between them. 

****

Just before they connect, however, there is a whoosh of air and the sound of boots landing on the balcony behind them. “Get away from her, RIGHT NOW!” 

****

Spinning around on her knee, even as she attempts to shift so that Lena is protected behind her, Alex's eyes go wide when she takes in the sight of the bright red cape blowing in the light breeze flowing across the balcony. 

****

Staring up at her sister, standing in her classic pose with fists perched on her hips, through eyes brimming with tears, Alex's throat tightens to the point where the single word she is able to utter is so soft that it is only audible to the sensitive ears of another Kryptonian. 

****

“Kara?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only taken me nine chapters, but I've FINALLY got to the part that explains the title!!
> 
> Let me know what you think. Please???


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kara discovers her almost kissing Lena, how will Alex fare coming face to face with her sister for the first time since watching her die??
> 
> Will Alex reveal her true identity?   
> Will Kara believe her?   
> What of that almost kiss? 
> 
> Tune in an find out folks
> 
> (But yay, Kara is BACK!!!))
> 
> Sorry for the deal in getting this out. Life, as always, finds a way to play havoc with my writing schedule.

“Who are you?”

****

Seeing her sister go pale as the sound of her own name, whispered at decibels lower than any human ear could detect, reaches her, Alex mentally berates herself. 

****

Relaxing slightly now that she knows Lena is in no danger, Alex doesn't dare move more than a hair's breadth from her current position as she can see the tension thrumming through her sister's body. 

****

The new Super can see that Kara is coiled like a steel trap, ready to spring at her given the slightest provocation, and she isn't ready to go head to head with her little sister in a brawl just yet. 

****

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Seeing you so suddenly startled me and it kinda slipped out-” flashing what she hopes is a soothing smile, she keeps her voice calm and steady as she speaks “-but I know you keep your identity from Lena to keep her safe. I've always agreed with you on that, and I wouldn't want to change that for you, especially now....”

****

Trailing off as she sees the frown on her sisters face deepen, Alex realises she is rambling rather than explaining and takes a moment to refocus her thoughts. 

****

When she has, she tries again.

****

“I come from another.....realm, Supergirl. And I need your help in order to get back”.    

****

That at least seems to pique the superhero's interest, and she loses some of her intensity in favour of curiosity; at least until she takes in how close Alex still is to Lena, and remembers what she had witnessed when she'd arrived. 

****

Taking a step closer, Kara glowers at Alex with suspicion. “You seem to be making  _ friends _ quickly for someone from another realm. I've met tricksters who can manipulate people into doing things against their will before, so exactly why should I trust anything you say, stranger?”

****

Pushing to her feet slowly, hoping that Kara won't risk rushing her or hitting her with heat vision while Lena is in such close proximity, Alex rises to her full height and looks her sister square in the eye. 

****

“I'm hoping you'll trust me-” dropping her voice to a whisper for a moment, safe in the knowledge that Lena is unable to see her face from the position she is in behind her, Alex gives the command to remove her mask “-because I'm  **_not_ ** a stranger”. 

****

  ****

****

Sighing heavily as, yet again, the door to where her containment unit is located whooshes open, Alex stands passively and avoids eye contact as the newest agent, come to confirm the rumours that have no doubt been spreading through the facility since her arrival, goggles at her with shocked awe. 

****

“Hey, what are you doing?”

****

The sound of her own voice, curt and slightly pissed, has Alex's eyes lifting to take in the sight of the agent cringing in the doorway, and she can't help the slight smirk that lifts her lips at the way he is cowering. 

****

_ Serves you right for abandoning your post  _ she thinks, as she knows that the agent in question should be over in the Eastern quarter right now, but remains stoic as she watches her countenance appear and reprimand the wayward soldier. 

****

Once she has sent him away with a flea in his ear the younger Alex glances into the room, giving it an almost cursory once over to check that all is in order, but when she catches sight of her doppelgänger regarding her silently the professional look on her face seems to slip slightly. 

****

Halting when their eyes meet, before quickly flitting away to a spot over the contained woman's shoulder, she clears her throat awkwardly. “I'm....er, I'm sorry about that”. 

****

Lifting one shoulder in a half shrug, the Super dismisses her apology. “Johnson is only doing what the Team Leaders, and what feels like half the base at this point, have all done - gawk at the curiosity”. 

****

At her words, the current Alex takes a step forward with a frown. “How do you know that agents name?”

****

Seeing the concern flash across her younger countenances face, the caged woman realises what she said. Aware that it would be taken as a hostile move, maybe even a veiled threat, she once again sighs. 

****

“It’s.....complicated”. Having already tried to explain things once, directly after Kara had flown them here from Lena's balcony once she’d revealed her identity (and after giving the blonde hero enough time to recover from her shock), Alex tries to not make such a babbling mess of things this time. “But bare bones? I'm  _ you.  _ I know this is all going to sound like a threat and I don't mean it to be, but what you know I know, including the name of every agent on this base _ ” _ . 

****

Seeing the scepticism and wariness present in her eyes, Alex huffs out a breath as she throws up her hands and begins to pace her cell. 

****

“I can't tell you everything because I don't know enough about this whole time warp thing to explain it properly, only Barry could do that-” waving off her other half before she can even ask, Alex answers her “-you'll meet him in a little while, but for the sake of your time-line there are certain things I just  **can't** tell you”. 

****

“Like how you become Kryptonian?” 

****

Because she is studying the pacing woman so closely the astute agent is able to see the way her words make the not so strange stranger flinch and, noting the subtle effects on her body language; tightening of the jaw, involuntary swallow, and momentary sheen to the eyes that is quickly hidden as the redhead looks away, Alex finds herself recognising the signs that indicate the woman behind the glass is fighting back tears. 

****

To give the imposter her dues it only takes her a couple of seconds before she has regained her composure, and is once again turning to meet her gaze with a steely eyed resolve that belied the emotion Alex had just witnessed as she nods solemnly. “Yes. Like that.” 

****

Yet witness it she had. 

****

The fact that she'd seen how this person had tried to conceal her emotions only makes the shocked woman even more curious about her, the sight of tears in the eyes of the woman claiming to be her from another universe unsettling her to the point where her rational mind is superseded by her panicking one, and against her better judgement the normally level headed agent blurts out the one thought that has been plaguing her mind more than any other since Kara first told her about it. “Why were you about to kiss Lena Luthor when Supergirl interrupted you?” 

****

Opening and closing her mouth a few times without being able to think of a suitable reply, Alex stares at her past self in shock. 

****

Taking several strides closer in order to bang on the side of the containment unit, the wired agent tried to jolt the stunned woman out of the daze she seems to have fallen into. “Well?” 

****

“Kara  _ told _ you?” Unable to fully process the idea that not only does Kara know about Lena and herself, but has informed her past self of it too, Alex feels completely shell-shocked. “That....no, that could affect the time-line....you, you're with Maggie until.... this is altering things too much. You shouldn't know!”   

****

“What do you mean I'm with Maggie 'until'. Until what?” 

****

Staring at her vexed mirror image on the other side of the plexiglass, Alex understands for the first time what her rookies mean when they talk about her death glare. 

****

Panic clawing at her throat at the thought of irrevocably messing up the time-line because of her desire to be close to the woman she loves, Alex stares at her other self with despair shining in her eyes. “I wish I could explain, because there is so much I want to say to both you and Kara, but I.... I can't. I'm sorry.” 

****

As if conjured by her words, there is a whoosh of air and the blonde Super is suddenly standing next to her sister, a frown crinkling her forehead as she gazes at Alex. 

****

“You say you are my sister from another universe-” glancing at the woman next to her for a moment, Kara then flicks her eyes back to the one behind the glass “-but I know Alex, and there is nothing that would stop her from trusting me if she needed help”. 

****

“The number of people I trust with my life can be counted on one hand. You have been, and  _ always _ will be, first amongst them Kara”.  Drinking in the sight of her sister through watery eyes, Alex had to dig her nails into the palms of her hands to try and keep herself from falling apart as her emotions threaten to overwhelm her. “But this isn't about trust. This is about keeping the future of your entire  time-line safe, and I know you value the safety of your people above all else”.

****

“You're asking us to take a lot on faith with little evidence to back up your, as yet, unsubstantiated word”. Jaw set hard, Alex can see Kara is backing the version of her she trusts over the one with strange hair and powers.

****

“When I was six, I found a frog in the backyard and decided to keep it as a pet. I hid it in the trunk at the end of my bed and spent hours digging up worms for it to eat, but after five days it died and I had to bury it mom's flower patch without her finding out”.  

****

“If you really think some lame story is going to....”

****

Scoffing, Kara starts to dismiss her, but Alex has her eyes focuses on the wide brown ones she can see have recognised the memory. 

****

“We called her Melia, after Amelia Earhart, and she was the real reason we never asked for a pet growing up”. 

****

“How did you....?”

****

The shock in her eyes tells Alex that she believes her now, because that is a story she has never told anyone - not even Kara - but still needs more evidence before she is willing to admit it. 

****

“When things were at their worst, after Kara first arrived, we made it as far as the town limits with a  duffel bag full of clothes and junk food before we realised that even on the run we'd still have to keep her damned secret, so figured we might as well get to sleep in our own bed while we did and turned back”. 

****

Letting out a gasp, Kara turns to face her version of Alex with an accusing look on her face. “You said you only got out the front door before you had a change of heart!”

****

Flashing a betrayed look at her other self, the younger Alex then meets her sisters eyes with a sheepish expression. “I was already in trouble for sneaking out so I may have... fudged a few details, to lessen the punishment”. 

****

“If it makes you feel any better, she got Jimmy Filliwitz to stop picking on you by holding a knife to his groin and threatening to cut his dingle off if he ever even looked at you funny again”. 

****

Spinning around and pointing her finger at the contained woman accusingly, the DEO agent splutters in shock. “We agreed to take that one to our grave!” 

****

Shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly, the older woman gives her a slight head tilt. “Desperate times require extreme measures”. 

****

“I thought you couldn't tell us anything for fear of affecting the time-line?” 

****

“I can't tell you anything about the  _ future _ . Everything I've just said has already happened, in the  _ past _ , which means it cannot affect the time-line and is therefore safe to reveal”. 

****

“But,  _ I _ didn't know any of that information before! What if, by revealing those secrets, you've just triggered a tornado like Ian Malcolm theorises with his Chaos speech about the butterflies?” 

****

Kara's over the top wail, complete with dramatic hand gestures, cause both Alex's to turn and look at her with matching exasperated expressions. “You were the youngest ever applicant to be accepted to the science guild on Krypton, yet you're quoting the rationalisations of a fictional character from Jurassic Park?”

****

Regarding the interloping Alex with far less hostility now that she has revealed things that, judging by  _ her _ Alex's reactions, are clearly true, Kara gives them both her very best puppy dog look as she tries her best to convince the pair that she is right. “Well, Ashton Kutcher also affected the past without meaning to”. 

****

“Kara, The Butterfly Effect is ALSO a movie!” 

****

Throwing her hands up in the air, the tactically suited and booted redhead glances at Alex with a look of affectionate frustration and long-standing suffering clear on her face. One that says  _ Is your Kara this much of a bonehead too?  _

****

The sight of it, and the light-hearted interplay between the pair that she had always cherished, is almost painful to watch as the damaged heart inside the chest of the fragile woman aches to go back to such carefree moments, and she has to turn away from the image before she loses her composure. 

****

Gritting her teeth hard, Alex clamps down on the urge to cry and swallows back the sobs lodged in her throat. 

****

Using her focusing technique she attempts to re-centre herself but, once again without really needing to try, she finds herself honing in on the one thing that has the ability to calm her when all else fails. 

****

Eyes pinging open in surprise when she finds that it is beating from only a few floors above her, Alex turns to fix an accusing gaze on her younger self. “Why is Lena upstairs?”

****

“Why does that woman do anything?” Slightly put out by the sudden turn in mood, as she had felt like the two of them were starting to build a rapport, the young agent bristles at the abrupt question. “Because she's a Luthor, and feels she like she can do whatever she damn well pleases”. 

****

Eyes narrowing at the hostility she can hear in her voice, Alex has to take a second and remind herself that in this moment she and Lena are virtually strangers to one another in order to prevent herself from saying something.... unhelpful, but still can't prevent the snippy tone in her voice when she speaks. “As memory recalls, that includes saving your scrawny ass from getting shot not too long ago”. 

****

“What is it between you and the Littlest Luthor anyway, you never did tell me?” Squaring up at the challenge, the fiery agent's eyes flash in temper. “Please don't tell me you come from some twisted 'verse where we ended up as a couple, because that really would take the biscuit!”  

****

Though meant as a jibe, the minute the words leave her mouth the younger woman wants to bite them back as she can see the truth flash across eyes she recognises all too well, and feels her stomach drop through the floor. 

****

“No......” 

****

Guilt, thick and viscous, rises in her throat as she remembers the heat that had flashed through her when she'd shaken Lena's hand the day they'd met in Kara's apartment, along with the impure thoughts about how better they could thank each other for mutually saving the other’s life. Though there to try and come out to Kara, the unexpected appearance of the beautiful woman – and Alex's strong reaction to her despite her feelings for Maggie – had thrown the confused redhead's mind into a whirl of emotions for a couple of days. 

****

Having eventually managed to talk herself into believing that her attraction to Lena had purely been a reaction to admitting to herself that she liked women and letting herself appreciate the female form more than she normally did, Alex had written it off as a case of 'pretty face but nothing more' and was able to squash down the small flutters of lust whenever she came into contact with the attractive woman because of her sisters friendship with her. 

****

Now however, having learned that this Alex seemed to have something more going on with Lena, all those feelings come squirming back to life. 

****

“Alex?” Kara is next to her sister immediately, a concerned hand on her arm, even as she throws a warning look at the caged woman. 

****

Holding her hands up, Alex gives her a “What the hell did I do locked in here?” shrug. 

****

“Hey, look at me”. Using her best sister voice, the one Alex knows always works eventually, Kara tries to coax the stunned woman out of her stupor. “It doesn't matter what she says, okay? We all make our own destiny, and your is to be with Maggie”. 

****

Unable to handle watching the way young agents face goes soft at the mention of the detective's name, Alex averts her eyes, and finds them landing on a completely unexpected sight in the doorway. 

****

“Lena, what....?” Blood draining from her face as she realises that Lena is looking at her while she is unmasked, Alex feels ice shoot through her veins at how much this changes things. “You....you shouldn't be here”. 

****

The two other women swing around to face the raven haired woman too, one more friendly than the other, and Lena takes a moment to weigh up their expressions before purposefully making her way into the room. 

****

“She's right, Luthor. You were ordered to stay upstairs”. 

****

Heels clicking neatly on the concrete floor, Lena glances at the annoyed agent dispassionately as she traverses the room, before coming to a stop in front of the plexiglass Alex is standing behind. Eyes rising to meet hers, they study the trembling woman silently for a moment, then move to take in every inch of her face.

****

Feeling the gaze like a physical touch, Alex has to fight not to squirm as the intensity of Lena's stare is so acute that she wonders if her very skin is being burned off.  

****

However, when green finally meets brown again Alex can see a curiosity and excitement burning in them that the stoic business woman is valiantly trying to disguise, and would have succeeded at had the redhead not spent the past few months being able to stare into those very orbs and learn how to read her like a book. “It seems you have more in common with my best friend than just a large appetite and babbling when nervous”. 

****

“I wouldn't really call it babbling....”

****

A hard elbow to the ribs, which causes the young agent to wince but also thankfully halts the blathering blondes ramble, jolts Kara out of her introspection and into the realisation that she had nearly revealed her identity to Lena. Again.  

****

Luckily, the dark-haired woman woman doesn't seem to have heard any of the less that sneaky Super's loose lipped utterings as her focus is fixed upon the woman in front of her. 

****

“You shouldn't know who I am”. Placing her hand, palm out, on the glass, Alex gazes at Lena beseechingly. “It puts  _ everyone _ in danger of having their lives altered, and could change your  **entire** time-line”. 

****

Noticing the way Alex's eyes had jumped to encompass the two women standing behind her as she'd spoken, Lena turns to face the younger redhead.

****

“I'd like to speak to her in private”. 

****

All three women have similar reactions, with both versions of Alex pulling the exact facial expression that - had anyone found the situation anything but serious - would probably have laughed at; but as it is they all just stare at the calm woman with varying degrees of surprise and shock.

****

“ Lena, I'm not so sure that's safe to do right now”.

_ “There is not a snowball's chance in hell that's happening, Luthor”. _

“Private....? Er, I mean, What.... what can't we discuss right here? Plus...you know...they're probably right about it not being the best idea and all....” 

****

Turning her back on the Super and agent in order to face Alex again, Lena only replies to the caged woman's soft caution. “I already know that you care for me, which means I have nothing to fear from being alone with you -” placing her own hand on the glass to cover Alex's, Lena allows a soft smile to curls up the corners of her lips as she takes in the hesitant look in the superpowered woman's eyes “-plus I have a ton of questions I'd really rather not ask in front of your little sister”. 

****

“I... That...Whew-” eyes going wide, Alex's blush deepens at the thought of what questions might be circulating in Lena's mind, and she feels her pulse quicken in response “-this isn't quite how I was expecting this conversation to go!” 

****

Enjoying the way she is able to make the woman stutter again, Lena allows herself a moment to take in the glorious sight with a small smirk on her lips, before she pulls on a mask of boardroom severity and turns back to the less civil version of her blushing Super. “You will grant me access to her, alone and unmonitored, for as long as I wish, whenever I wish; or we will be leaving this facility immediately”. 

****

Bristling instantly at the forthright tone, the agent snaps back. “This isn't some hostile merger you're trying to negotiate, Luthor. You have absolutely NO authority here, and the only reason you're even on the premises is because Supergirl plead on your behalf, so you better remember who is in charge...” 

****

“She is”. 

****

Having caused the younger Alex to pause her rant by indicating towards the older Danvers, Lena smiles triumphantly when she sees a flicker of uncertainty pass across her face. 

****

It is a short lived victory as the momentarily stunned woman recovers quickly,  _ just like her other half  _ Lena thinks, before it is covered with a carefully constructed armour wall. “Don't be fooled just because it wears my face and spouts a few pretty lines, Luthor. I thought you were supposed to be cleverer than that”. 

****

Crossing her arms over her chest as she raises an eyebrow in cool disdain, Lena haughtily replies. “And I thought you were meant to be smarter than to tar all Kryptonian's other than the ones you already know with a xenophobic brush before you gave them a chance”. 

****

“Look, guys I don't think...”

“Now is not the time for speeches about level heads and teamwork, Supergirl”. Before Kara even has a chance to try and cool things between the pair, Lena turns her boardroom eyes onto her and cuts her off. “Alex has done nothing wrong. Before you arrived she had informed me she was planning to ask you for your help, but never got the chance to even speak as you immediately flew off the handle the second you saw her face and slammed her into the side of my balcony – which I am billing the DEO to repair, just so you know – and you now have her locked up like a common criminal; simply because you don't believe she travelled here from another universe”.  

****

“It's not that clear cut. You don't understand....” 

****

Scoffing at the curt defence, Lena levels her with a scathing look. “I have more Phds than you'll ever see Agent Danvers, so why don't you just explain the rest and I'm sure I'll understand it just fine”. 

****

“Ouch”. Though the barb isn't aimed directly at her, Alex still feels the sting of the insult and mutters under her breath. “You're definitely making that one up to me when I get home.” 

****

“Alright look-” stepping between the glowering pair, as if to physically deflect their heated gazes from doing any damage to one another, Kara lifts her palm up placatingly “-its late, it's almost midnight now and everyone is stressed, which is coming out in.....unhelpful ways-” shooting her sister a meaningful glance, the Super tilts her head in a 'please don't fight me on this' look to prevent the retort she knew was coming based on the large inhale of breath she'd heard the angry woman take, and is relieved when the feisty redhead decides to slowly release it in a quiet exhale instead of an instigating jibe “-and all get some rest”. 

****

Turning to flash her friendliest smile at Lena, Kara then attempts to convince the trickier of the two of her plan. 

****

“We're not the bad guys here, Lena. We all want the same thing, but maybe we should start over in the morning once we've gotten some sleep and are thinking clearer”. 

****

 Unfortunately for Kara, her (to her mind at least) rational solution only makes the businesswoman set her jaw in a hard line and level cold eyes at her. “You don't want the same thing as me at all.  _ You _ want me gone and Alex to spend the night locked in a cell like the criminals she's spent her entire career preventing from destroying the planet, whereas  _ I _ want a private room where I can speak to Alex without being listened to-” she gives Kara a pointed look “-super-hearing included”. 

****

“I've already told you, Luthor, that's NOT happening”. Practically growling the words in her ire, the younger of the two Alex's stares at Lena with contempt. “These cells are the only place on the base guaranteed to contain a Kryptonian, so she's going nowhere until we know for sure she's who she claims to be”.

****

_ Well this bodes well for the time-line(!) _

****

Rolling her eyes at the thought of just how badly she is screwing up her own future, as the open animosity swirling between the pair is so thick she can practically cut it with her heat vision, Alex taps her knuckle gently against the glass to attract the raven haired woman's attention. 

****

When Lena turns to face her she crooks a finger in a 'come hither' motion, then almost swallows her tongue at the playful smirk it generates on the usually serious woman's face. 

****

“What a good idea”. 

****

Unable to use her enhanced senses thanks to the containment cell, Alex has to rely on her DEO training and read the murmured words on Lena's lips in order to work out what she has said, then watched helplessly as, instead of approaching the glass like Alex had wanted her to, the combative woman turns to face her younger self once more. 

****

“Fine. If you're not willing to let her  _ out _ , then let me  _ in _ ”. 

****

Holding her hand up before either of the surprised women can speak, no doubt to shoot down her idea, Lena continues. 

****

“I fully accept the risks and will sign any waiver you need, as long as you get it in front of me within the next five minutes. If you do not then I will have my lawyer here in ten, and we will begin the process of suing you for wrongful imprisonment”. 

****

“If anyone deserves to be locked up it's you, you crazy sonofa......”

****

“Alex!” Practically lifting her sister off her feet as she drags her into the far corner of the room in an attempt to get her to cool down, Kara shoots an apologetic look at Lena over her shoulder.

****

Huffing as she watches the red faced agent struggle against the Hero's superior strength in vain, Lena frowns in surprise as she notices the almost tender way the invincible Kryptonian cradles the angry human in order not to accidentally hurt her. 

****

Now she knows Alex works for the DEO rather than the FBI she realises that the pair must work together on a fairly regular basis, seeing as the redhead seems to be Acting Director in charge of the whole place, but the sight of the overly familiar act causes a disquiet inside her that she hadn't been expecting. 

****

Her attraction to her best friend's sister had caught her off-guard the first time she'd felt it, the day she'd visited Kara at her apartment and found the attractive redhead there, but she'd been able to keep it contained to a low level crush mainly due to the fact that she very rarely ran into Alex despite spending so much time with Kara. Of course, the way Kara raved about all the heroic things her sister did on a near daily basis, plus her own memories of the way the incredible woman had saved her life when she'd tackled Corben, didn't exactly help smoother the flame either. 

****

Lena knows Alex is in a relationship with a woman, as Kara had told her when she came out; proud of her sister for facing her fears and battling through to find her happiness, so she knows that whatever is going on between her and Supergirl is purely platonic as she doesn't believe for one second that either woman is the cheating kind. However, the fact that just the sight of Alex being held by another discombobulates her  _ this _ much is unsettling for Lena, and she swallows hard to try and settle her suddenly jangled emotions.  

****

Turning away to face  _ her _ Alex, or the one she has come to think of as hers since their almost kiss on the balcony of her building, Lena walks over to the glass and regards her frankly. “Please tell me that version of you gets less obnoxious at some point”. 

****

Glancing over at her younger self, who is still giving Kara an earful by the looks of things, a small smile tinged with sadness brushes across her lips. “I know she's a little... abrupt, and prickly around the edges, but she's got a lot on her plate right now Dealing with me is that last thing she needs”. 

****

Able to read so much in the subtle emotions that plays out over the older redhead's face as she stares at her other self, Lena feels her heart ache for the mysterious Kryptonian she feels a strange connection to.   

****

“Let me in”. 

****

The softly spoken words drag Alex's focus away from the disagreeing siblings and back to the quietly collected woman in front of her. 

****

“Excuse me?”

****

“Don't act the innocent, my little Sentinel-” keeping her voice soft so that it doesn't carry to the others, Lena smiles at Alex knowingly “-it doesn't wash with me. I know you've been able to get out of that cell since the moment they put you in there, you've just chosen not to because you don't want to put Supergirl into a situation where she'd be forced to restrain you, so crack this door while those two idiots are distracted and let me into your cell”. 

****

“How did you....?” Eyes widening as the surprise of being found out catches her unprepared, Alex then shakes her head ruefully as she lets out a quiet laugh full of warm humour. “Actually I don't even need that answered. You're Lena freaking Luthor, of  _ course _ you worked it out”. 

****

The tenderness, and genuine adoration, that she can hear in Alex's voice makes Lena's chest constrict for a moment, as no one apart from Kara has spoken about her with such open affection in a long, long time. 

****

“I have a feeling I'm probably going to regret this.......”

****

With a quiet whoosh Alex disappears from sight, and a second later the front of the containment pod swings towards her a couple of inches, Looking up, Lena sees Alex is now hovering on the ceiling in front of a small white panel she has pried opened, with several of the wires sparking, indicating her misuse of them, and as she spots the CEO eyeing her curiously Alex tilts her to indicate that Lena should enter the pod. 

****

With a quick glance at the still feuding pair to ensure they haven't noticed what is going on, the businesswoman quickly slips into the containment cell and closes the glass behind her. 

****

Once inside Alex trips the wires to engage the locking mechanism once more, then secures the panel and floats back down to the ground. 

****

However, the closer she gets to the raven haired beauty the more she finds her senses being bombarded by Lena's intoxicating perfume, and she belatedly realises what a rash decision she's made. After months of being deprived of  _ her _ Lena, to now be trapped in a tiny glass bubble with this version, she is almost overwhelmed with longing and just wants to wrap her arms around the solid presence she had missed so much. 

****

Fighting the urge, Alex reminds herself that she can't because, not only is this NOT her Lena, but she is still not in control of her powers enough to risk touching any human person; let alone the one that owns her heart. Instead she remains stoic as she lands next to the graceful woman and walks quietly over to the small cot to sit down. 

****

She can feel Lena's eyes on her the entire time, their forthright intensity making her incredibly self conscious about her every move, and she finds it hard not to fidget under the unabashed appraisal. 

****

“Hey! What the ACTUAL FUCK?!” 

****

Voice reverberating around the room due to the volume it is bellowed at, the irate agent storms over to the cell and attempts to open the door. Finding it closed, she bangs on the glass with a fist in frustrated temper. 

****

“Get your ass out of there this instant, Luthor, or I swear to God I'm going to sling you in a cell of your own and forget about you for the next month”. 

“Oh Rao, however did you get in there?” Eyes huge as she takes in the sight of her best friend standing on the wrong side of the containment door, Kara looks just as perplexed as the first time she'd witnessed magic for the first time (once she'd realised it wasn't actual magic it had lost some of it wonder, but she still enjoyed using her powers to work out how each trick was done), and she eyes Alex warily. “I really don't feel comfortable about you being in there, Lena, so maybe you should just come back out”. 

****

Deliberately turning her back on the Girl of Steel and making a show of striding over to Alex, Lena settles herself down next to the surprised woman. 

****

Placing her hand on a stunned Alex's thigh, the defiant CEO locks eyes with the blonde superhero and purrs. “Well, I feel  **_extremely_ ** comfortable and, seeing as how it's not up to you; I'm staying put”. 

****

_ Oh sweet baby Jesus, help me!  _

****

Every muscle in her body having gone rigid the second Lena's long, lean fingers made contact with her leg, Alex feels like she's about to hyperventilate when she feels them slowly begin to stroke across the material.

****

_ Breathe, Danvers. Just remember to breathe _

****

Closing her eyes as she grits her teeth, Alex tries to focus on keeping her breathing under control and away from the way Lena's light touch, done to tease the duo outside the glass rather than the woman inside, is affecting her. 

****

“I swear to you, Luthor, Guantanamo is going to look like the Hamptons compared to the spot I have picked out for your disobedient assh......”

****

When the threat the irate agent is yelling begins to warp and slow, distorting her speech into a slurred distortion like that from a broken VHS tape, Alex's eyes ping open. 

****

Staring about her in shock, she takes in the purple mist starting to fill the room. “What the....?” 

****

Swinging her gaze to the woman next to her, Alex lets out a gasp when she realises that Lena is also affected. She recognises the effect as similar to when her sister described Barry running as he, in essence, moves faster than time causing everyone else to grind to a halt as a result, so for a moment she worries that she has accidentally engaged her super speed. The feel of Lena's hand still on her leg negates that idea though, and the sight of the purple mist – the same hue as the mist Mxyzptlk used to transport her here – indicates that whatever is currently happening is outside of her doing.   

****

Sweeping into the room without pause, the mist quickly engulfs the Danver sisters and disappears them from sight, before it charges straight for Alex. Uncaring of the glass divider in its path, it passes through the high tech barrier as if it is air, and Alex only has time to throw her arms around Lena's body in the vain hope that her enhanced body will in some way protect the more fragile woman from harm before they are both covered too. 

****

  ****

****

Stumbling slightly when the fog suddenly dissipates, Alex fights to keep her footing as the bright early morning sun assaults her eyes after the cool dimness of the DEO's basement. 

****

“What the....?”After a moment of blinking like a rescued cave miner, and a second of her brain actually processing the fact that she is currently standing in the middle of the park rather than locked up in a DEO containment cell, Alex walks - in stunned disbelief - towards a rather familiar monument. “Why the hell am I suddenly back here?”

****

Staring up at it with an incredulous look plastered on her face, Alex isn't aware of the woman sidling up next to her until she speaks. 

****

“It's very pretty, isn't it?”

****

Head snapping down to look at who has just spoken to her, Alex almost chokes on her tongue when she sees the little old woman is the same one as the last time she was standing in this exact same spot; before this very water fountain. “What did you just say?”

****

“I said it’s very pretty, isn't it”. Smiling kindly as she nods towards the fountain, the elderly lady doesn't seem to be put out by Alex's rather abrupt manner. “I can see why you're so taken with it”.

****

“You said that to me yesterday!”

****

The accusing tone, coupled with the heavy frown Alex is levelling at her, cause the woman's smile to finally falter. “I... I didn't come here yesterday. I was at home with my husband”. 

****

“Yes, you did”. Turning to face her fully, Alex glowers at the woman. “We had this EXACT conversation yesterday, while you husband wandered off to......”

****

As she speaks Alex's eyes drift over to the man in question, and watches as he walks over to the café where he starts perusing the lists of ice creams for sale – just like he did before. 

****

“Are you feeling okay dear?” Patting Alex's arm sympathetically, the elderly lady peers up at her with concern. “ Maybe you should sit down for a minute. This heat can get to even the best of us”. 

****

Stumbling away from the concerned woman without answering, Alex heads out of the park and instinctively follows the path she had yesterday, which causes her eyes to land on the news vendor she had embarrassed herself in front of by weeping over the image of Kara – as Supergirl – when she'd seen it on the front of the paper. 

****

Automatically dropping down to glance at the front of the paper, almost by rote, Alex's eyes get huge when she takes in the  **_same_ ** image on today's edition. 

****

“What the hell is going on?” 

****

Muttering under her breath about lazy writing and knowing for a fact that Catco would never allow the same photo to be used for two days in a row, Alex is nonetheless intrigued enough by the second unexpected deja vu moment to move in for a closer look. 

****

Trying to avoid the vendor in case he recognises her, Alex still manages to get close enough to confirm that it IS the same image, but when she also spots the date all thought of being stealthy fly out of her head and she grabs the paper in shock. 

****

Ignoring the squawk of annoyance from the man behind the counter, Alex stares at the corner of the page in morbid fascination as the words Mxyzptlk said just before he sent her to this time  **_finally_ ** make sense. 

****

_ A place where time will not matter. A place where you can remain as long as you need to in order to gain control over your powers, and not age a day.  _

****

Paper fluttering to the ground as suddenly nerveless fingers are no longer able to hold it, Alex stares through the angry vendor like he isn't even there. “Holy freaking crapballs. That crazy imp Groundhog Day'ed me!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo
> 
> Kara is back. Lena knows. Alex is PISSED. 
> 
>  
> 
> And the day is about to repeat. 
> 
>  
> 
> What do you think?


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuck in a time loop, what is Alex to do? 
> 
> She needs help. But who does she go to?
> 
> Can she convince Kara of her true identity, or will she just get thrown in a cell again?
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry for the length of time its taken me to update. Life has been getting on top of me. I also have a new job - a promotion within the same company - which may allow more time for writing once I get past the actual training stages!)

A lot of people didn't really see Alex as much of a 'thinker', as her career progression over the last few years - ever since Kara had become Supergirl - had forced her to take on a far more active role in the field and become a 'doer', but underneath all the tactical suits and kevlar still beat the heart of a scientific soul. 

****

So to find herself caught in the middle of a real, honest to goodness time loop, while scaring her just a little, excited Alex beyond reason. 

****

Her first instinct was to tell the two people she knows would be most excited about this fact; Kara and Lena, as she can just imagine the way they would react – Kara would want to know  _ every _ detail about her previous encounter and Lena would immediately dive into the scientific theory behind how it was possible - but then she remembers how her day went yesterday, and the small smile Alex had been wearing disappears. 

****

If this was in  _ her _ time that is how would they react. 

****

However, in  _ this _ time, she got locked in the DEO and treated like a shape-shifting criminal. 

****

If she only has a single day to work with in order to improve her control over her powers, then Alex knows she needs to play things smarter from here on out. She can't afford to spend all day trying to convince her other self and her sister that she isn't an imposter trying to trick them, because that will get old real quick, and will take an inordinate amount of loops for her to progress herself to the point where she has gained enough control over her powers to meet the terms of Mxyzptlk's spell and be returned to her own time. 

****

She needs to find a way to get the most out of each day, so that she can gain control as quickly as possible, and for that she needs to be able to push her powers to the limits in as safe an environment as possible. 

****

There are only two places she knows that has the capability to give her what she needs. L-Corp and the DEO. 

****

At each, there is a woman Alex loves with all of her heart. Yet each has their own set of reasons as to why she shouldn't choose them to fly to. 

****

If Alex goes to L-Corp she will be exposing Lena to unnecessary danger by being in close proximity to her, and the very reason she kept herself isolated in the fortress was because she didn't want to run the risk of injuring her should she lose control of her powers for even a second. Plus, she would be putting the timeline at risk by allowing Lena to know about her powers (Alex is self aware enough to not try and kid herself into believing she would have any hope of not revealing herself to Lena now that she knows how well the green eyes beauty had taken not only the news of  her powers but the knowledge that another version of them in her “realm” are together) every time they meet. 

****

However, if Alex goes to the DEO, she is probably going to end up in a cell. 

****

Without J'onn, who is off planet with M'gann - which is the reason Alex is acting Director at this point in time – to read her mind and verify who she is, Kara and this version of her are just going to think she is an imposter again. 

****

Maybe, Alex thinks, if she can find a way to reveal herself that doesn’t freak Kara out in such a massive way then she could possibly get the DEO to give her a chance. After all, it's the fact that she claimed right off the bat to have tumbled through space and time that freaked them out the most, right? 

****

“And if it doesn't work, they'll just forget about me at the end of the day, so I can try something else tomorrow”. 

****

The little huff of humour Alex lets out with her statement is lost on the businessman that has been sharing the bench with her, as she has been completely silent up until this point, and the sudden bark of dark laughter that accompanies her statement startles him to the point where he lets out a little squeak of fear and scrunches his paper to his chest in fright. 

****

Rolling her eyes at the reaction, Alex almost decides to give him a real reason to look at her like she's about to steal his kidneys and shoot straight up into the air while keeping a sitting position, but then remembers the plan she had agreed with herself and opts to hop up onto her feet instead. 

****

The move still manages to pull a gasp and a dramatic chest grab from him, which makes Alex smirk as she walks away and out of the park. 

****

Despite wanting to start working on her plan immediately, the urge to hone her powers as soon as possible so she can get back to Lena and start their lives together almost overwhelming at points, the scientific part of Alex knows that she needs to be 100% sure in her assessment that she is in fact in a time loop before attempting anything she has planned. 

****

Which means she needs to observe FIRST. 

****

The old woman's actions, and the repeated picture in the newspaper, are a solid basis for her hypothesis, but Alex is aware that she needs a lot more evidence to back her theory before she can throw caution to the wind and start messing with the timeline as, for all she knows right now, the mist could cause her to jump a day ahead tomorrow.

****

Hearing Lena's voice in her ear, as clearly as if the woman was standing next to her, Alex can picture her saying “All science is simple if you follow the logical steps”. 

****

Turning into the nearest alley, Alex walks far enough into it to ensure she is blocked from being seen by anyone on the street before activating the button on her belt to engage her suit. 

****

Once fully covered she wastes no further time and shoots straight up into the air, feeling the familiar rush of adrenaline that spikes through her at once again using her powers, and then swoops through the clouds until she drops down to land on the helipad atop the Catco Media building. 

****

Alex knows there are no cameras or sensors up here as she remembers Kara telling her that this had been where she'd revealed her powers to Winn - by dropping off the side of the building and nearly causing the poor lad to soil himself (Alex had rolled her eyes and called her a drama queen when hearing the story for the first time) - so feels safe to perch here unlike at L-Corp. 

****

Settling down to sit on the side of the building, which can't be seen should anyone decide to come out from the roof access door, Alex closes her eyes and starts to go through her focusing routine. 

****

Only this time she consciously avoids listening for Lena and instead concentrates on Kara. 

****

Kara's heartbeat isn't hard to pick out, as it beats at a slightly different tempo to humans - just like Alex’s heart does now - and once she finds it the new Kryptonian allows herself to bask in its steady thrum as her little sister buzzes around the office several floors below her, for several glorious minutes. 

****

The coolness of tears hitting her skin has Alex startling back to awareness, and her eyes pop open in shock as she realises she has started crying. 

****

Swiping at the wetness on cheeks, she then stares at the liquid that coats her fingers. 

****

“Damn you, Mxyzptlk”. Cursing the wayward imp softly, despite knowing he was only trying to help, Alex slowly curls her fingers into tight fists. “ How in the hell am I meant to get though this without breaking the timeline, or my sanity”. 

****

Yesterday, or the today before today – Alex knows she will get a headache if she thinks too hard about trying to separate and quantify the different days if this IS a time loop – there had been so much happening in such a short space of time that she hadn't really been able to stop and process her feelings about seeing and interacting with Kara again. 

****

From the moment Alex had removed her mask and revealed herself to Kara, she had been so caught up in trying to convince her sister that she was who she said she was that she hadn't been able to think about how being able to touch Kara (even just to try and stop the angry Super from pulverising her into Lena's balcony) had actually made her  _ feel _ . 

****

Up here on the quiet roof, however, Alex now has time to play the full interaction over in her mind. 

****

She remembers how it felt to have her sisters hands wrapped around her upper arms, and the small exhale of effort Kara had let out when she's shoved Alex back into the wall that had stirred the hair by her temple – as if they had been sparring under the green K lights in the DEO – and swallows hard. 

****

For months after that fateful day, the day that Alex's heart had cracked into a thousand pieces, she’d ached to see Kara again. 

****

Her days had been filled with thoughts about how she could make it happen, and her nights spent restlessly tossing in a sleepless bed as she wondered what she would do or say if she got even just one more moment with her sister. 

****

Which meant yesterday had been both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because she had been able to spend so much more than just a single moment with Kara, but a curse because she had not been able to enjoy a single moment of it. 

****

Staring down at her hands, the scars she had obtained before becoming a Super still visible as her powers aren't able to heal retroactively, Alex vows that if this IS a time loop, she will find a way,  _ somehow _ , to get the moment that she needs to do just that. 

****

For now however, she forces herself  to focus her senses back onto the room below her, and settles down to listen.

****

  ****

****

**Ten Days Later**

****

“Alex?”

****

Bright blue eyes stare at the redhead in surprise and concern, as finding her sister in the middle of Catco during the day is an unusual enough event to warrant some hesitation, and Kara eyes Alex's outfit (which is not DEO uniform like she would normally be wearing this time of day) with curiosity. 

****

Her jeans and hoodie are normal enough attire, as Alex had taken them from the stash she always kept at Kara's for when she crashed there on sister's nights, but she knows the baseball cap she is wearing – lifted from a local sporting store in order to stuff her longer than this time zone's Alex hair underneath, and declaring her allegiance to the National City Eagles – will be raising questions in the inquisitive woman's mind. 

****

“Hey Kara-” taking a deep breath, feeling her nerves creeping up on her despite having talked herself through this scene for days, Alex gets the strong urge to wrap her arms around the bubbly blonde and never let go “-can we chat a minute?”

****

“Sure”. Gesturing for Alex to follow her, Kara leads them both into Cat Grant's office. 

****

Feeling just as nervous as when she'd come out to her sister and, despite knowing the answer already, Alex asks. “Where's your boss?”

****

“On a spa day with Amal Clooney, trying to convince her to do an exclusive with Catco Magazine”.

****

“Okay, good”. Rubbing her hands together nervously, Alex has to remind herself that she can repeat this day as many times as she needs in order to get it right. 

****

Eyes squinting as she takes in her sister's obvious unease, Kara's concern flares even more. “Alex, what's wrong? Is it Maggie? Did something happen between you two?” 

****

Wincing slightly at the question, knowing that not too long in the future they will be having a very similar conversation to this one where she will have to answer in the affirmative, Alex shakes her head firmly. “No, no, it's nothing like that, Maggie's great. She's at work, arresting bad guys and making the world a better place, just like always”. 

****

The fact that Alex feels no residue of pain when she speaks about Maggie now catches her a little by surprise, but when she thinks about the reason why and a certain green eyed beauty comes instantly to mind, she finds she has her answer.  

****

“Do you remember when you first came to live with us, and you used to spend hours squirrelled away talking to Dad about how to control your powers?”  

****

Looking even more concerned at the mention of Jeremiah, who has been a sore spot for Alex ever since it came to light he was working for Cadmus, Kara answers hesitantly. “Yeah.....”

****

Aware that she is freaking her sister out, Alex starts pacing as she tries to stick to the script she had rehearsed. “You remember I was resentful of how much time you were spending with him, because it was he and I that used to talk science, but as time went on we worked it out because I finally realised how big a challenge having powers must be?” 

****

“Of course I remember, Alex”. Staring at her sister with a heavy crinkle in her brow, Kara is clearly confused as to where this line of conversation is leading. “We hashed this out years ago, right after....”

****

“Right after we discovered Kenny's killer”. 

****

The siblings share a look, remembering that day, and Alex can see in that moment that Kara knows she is  _ her _ Alex. 

****

“Kara, do you trust me?” 

****

The crinkle is back, though Kara doesn't voice whatever it is that causes it, as she simply says. “Always”. 

****

“Okay”. Letting out a deep breath in relief, Alex then walks over and stands next to her sister, facing out into the bullpen. “Then I'm going to need you to do as I say for the next few minutes, no questions asked.” 

****

As the Girl of Steel automatically opens her mouth to ask something, a sign of the awesome reporter she is destined to become, Alex lets out an “Ah ah ah!” and points at her warningly “No questions!”

****

Snapping her mouth closed with an audible click of teeth and a quiet hmph, Kara folds her arms across her chest to display her displeasure at being denied the ability to interrogate even the littlest bit.

****

Unable to stop the warmth that fills her belly at being able to tease her sister in such a familiar way once again, Alex also feels a tight squeeze around her heart at the knowledge that this exchange will exist nowhere but in her memory come midnight. With an effort, she shakes the dual feelings off and forces herself to turn her head away from her sister's captivating face, looking instead to the bullpen once more. 

****

“Right. First, I need you to focus on out there-” lifting her chin to indicate the open plan area beyond the glass doors of the office, Alex weights her words carefully “-and listen to what is being said”. 

****

Catching sight of Kara's jaw just starting to move in her peripheral vision, Alex preempts the question. “Do what I say, remember. If you can't hear them using your normal hearing, then go Super”. 

****

Frowning at the cryptic nature of her sister's requests, Kara nevertheless complies, and tunes in to the conversations going on in the bullpen. 

****

Alex does the same, and once she picks up the flow of chatter she is able to hone in on the ones she had made note of over the past few days. 

****

Trying not to be too obvious about it, she tilts her thumb at one person sitting in the corner on his phone. “Tweed jacket guy at two o'clock. You know him?”

****

Turning her head to focus on the man in question, Kara tilts her head slightly. “Oh, yeah. That's Greg. Nice guy. Quiet, but always gets his job done”. 

****

“Well nice guy Greg there is currently dialled into a rather explicit sex line, and is talking about a kidnap and rape fantasy to the woman trying not to sound bored on the other end”. 

****

“NO!” Ponytail whipping through the air so fast it would do damage to anyone it touched, Kara turns to gawk at her sister in shock. 

****

“If you don't believe me, then listen”. Face impassive thanks to the fact that she had been able to work through her disgust in private days ago, Alex turns and lifts an eyebrow in challenge. 

****

It only takes a couple of seconds for Kara to scrunch up her face in horror as she slaps her hands over her ears and flushes bright red, and the gagging noise she lets out leaves Alex in no doubt that she has indeed heard the disturbing things her quiet colleague is currently describing to the woman on the end of the phone. 

****

Unable to hold in a chuckle at the reaction, which is surprisingly similar to the one she'd pulled when describing the taste of kale after Lena had cajoled her into tasting it for the first time, Alex receives a glare and huff of exasperation from Kara in response. “Did you come here  _ just _ to mentally scar me?”

****

“It certainly is a bonus-” giving her a quick grin, trying not to get distracted by how quickly she has slipped back into her big sisterly role of teasing the crap out of Kara, Alex directs her still blushing sister to a woman in the middle of the bullpen “-but it is all for a purpose, so just focus on listening to the woman wearing the yellow blouse now”. 

****

Grumbling under her breath about finding an excuse for dropping her sister off a building that Eliza will buy if she hears anything remotely pervy, Kara reluctantly does as she told, then lets out a large relieved breath when she discovers that Brenda - the sweetest woman in the office and someone whom Kara didn't want to have her illusions shattered about – is simply talking to her husband about childcare arrangements for the following week. 

****

When the conversation continues in the same vein, with no sign of anything changing as they begin to hash out what time Brenda's mother-in-law should arrive to pick the boys up for swim class on Thursday, Alex holds a piece of paper up in front of Kara's eyes. Blinking to refocus her sight, it takes the blonde a moment to recognise that the tightly packed writing on the page is her sisters, but when she does she throws the redhead a look of confusion. 

****

“Read along-” nodding towards the still chatting woman, Alex indicates that Kara's focus should still be on Brenda “-as you listen”. 

****

Shooting her one last frown, not happy about the cloak and dagger routine, Kara swings her eyes back to the piece of paper and starts to read. 

****

Watching her sister's face closely, it is easy for Alex to see the moment she reaches the right spot on the page as Kara's eyes widen and her mouth drops open to form a little O shape. Surprise blankets her expression for a second, but is quickly replaced by intrigue as she starts to follow along the lines with mounting interest. When she reaches the bottom of the page she wordlessly turns it over and reads the full back page too. 

****

For the conversation Kara is listening to matches the words her eyes are flowing over perfectly - right down to every pause and hitch of breath the couple emit - as Alex has spent every day since she sat down on the roof of Catco memorising every single nuance of this conversation to ensure it is pitch perfect. 

****

Knowing that only flawless cohesion would convince her sister, Alex had been meticulous in committing to memory everything about the conversation, despite the tedious nature of the commentary, and then “borrowed” some paper and a pen from a junior editor to write the conversation down as soon as she had materialised this morning. 

****

Her time at the DEO had certainly helped, as she'd to memorise vast quantities of (often highly sensitive) information in very short time-frames, over the years, but has never had to duplicate anything with such precision. Listening in now with some trepidation, despite being able to recite the conversation in her sleep, Alex prays she didn't miss anything while transcribing this morning. 

****

When Brenda's husband begins to shift the conversation away from their kid and to their own “private” time, Alex knows they've reached the end of the piece of paper. 

****

Just about to speak, to tell her sister she can stop listening, Alex is amused to see Kara scrunch her face up and shake her head vigorously - as if to remove the image that has just been placed in her brain. 

****

“URGH! Why does it always come back around to sex?”

****

Letting out a chuckle at the offended look on the blonde's face, Alex shakes her own head in fond amusement. “Well, they ARE married Kar, so it not that strange for a couple to want a little sexy time with each other”.  

****

“It is when it's in my ears!”

****

The pair pause and look at each other as they take in the ridiculousness of that statement, then let out such loud guffaws of laughter that half the heads in the bullpen - including Brenda's – turn to look at them in startled confusion. 

****

Laughing so hard she knows that, had she still been human, her sides would be hurting like hell right now, Alex struggles to regain her composure as every time she looks at Kara - who is periodically sticking her finger in her ear and wiggling it as if she can shake the words out - she dissolves into a fresh wave of giggles. 

****

“Oh Kara, you dingbat. I've missed you!” 

****

“Missed me? Alex, what are you talking about? You saw me yesterday-” confusion swiftly replacing mirth, Kara frowns at her sister “-and while we're on the subject of you acting weird, are you going to explain how you managed to know the entire content of Brenda's conversation, word perfect no less, AS she said it?”

****

Realising her slip of the tongue, and eager to deflect from it, Alex points to the elevator. “In three seconds Winn is going to come out of there, complaining to James about you not noticing his new haircut”. 

****

“You're changing the subject”. Crossing her arms over her chest to signal her displeasure at Alex's attempt to divert her attention, Kara nevertheless glances at the elevator and squints over the top of her glasses to employ her X-ray vision. 

****

Eyes widening slightly when she sees the occupants are in fact the men her sister had named, the surprised Super then tunes her hearing in to their conversation. 

****

“....never  _ once _ mentioned it, even though I've been dropping hints all day!” Pinging as it reaches their floor, the elevator doors open to let the animated man and his bored looking companion alight. “I mean, I know she rebuffed my advances, but she can still acknowledge a haircut, right? It's not like I'm going to take it as a sign she's changed her mind or is softening towards me!”

****

The sight of Winn, whole and undamaged, hits Alex harder than she thought it would. 

****

Ever since the day she'd perched on top of Catco and come up with this plan – to listen to the goings on in the bullpen every day until she'd memorised enough to be able to recall the exact moments of certain individuals to Kara, in order to convince her she was reliving the day – she'd known that there would come a point when she'd have to see him. Hearing his voice, complaining about Kara's lack of awareness around him, had raised the hint of a smile even as her stomach churned with guilt, because it was just so Winn, but she'd been able to compartmentalise and deal with it. 

****

The sight of him walking about however, striding through next to James; in one piece and untarnished by her mistake...... was another matter completely. 

****

Swallowing hard as the painful urge to rush up to him and beg for his forgiveness, despite having already heard him absolve her of blame in  _ her _ time, tightens in her throat. 

****

“I dunno, Winn-” sounding more than a little weary of the conversation, as if it has been going on for a while, James heaves a sigh as he attempts to stride ahead of the shorter man “-didn't you say her offering you that extra cupcake last week was a sign that she was 'sweet' on you?”

****

“Oh!” Waving a hand in the air as if trying to dismiss James' words, Winn flushes slightly. “That was just heat of the moment stuff. Once I got over it and tasted the actual cupcake I realised it was really because it had coconut icing, and that's the only flavour in the universe that Kara can't stand”.

****

Reigning her hearing back to normal, Kara looks over at Alex in shock. “How did you...?

****

Before she can finish speaking the redhead directs her attention back out into the bullpen, this time pointing to a harried looking individual carrying a huge stack of files, with a cup of Noonan's finest balanced precariously on top. “Eyes at two o'clock. Blue tie is about to spill everywhere”. 

****

Having had to deduce all of her information about the activity in the bullpen from sound alone over the past ten days, Alex has spent her time since entering the office listening out for the now familiar voices so she can assign faces to them in preparation for the moment she needs to draw Kara's attention towards their singular acts. The man she is pointing to, who is hurrying so quickly with his overloaded pile of work that he fails to spot the potential hazard in his path, is sent sprawling in a flurry of paper and hot cappuccino when he becomes entangled in the strap of a bag that has been left too close to the aisle and can't recover in time to save himself.

****

Kara lets out a little gasp of sympathy as she watches him crash to the ground, his coffee cup and box exploding on impact to shower the nearest bystanders with hot, soggy paperwork, and tenses her body in preparation to go help. When she feels a firm hand wrap around her upper arm the forever helpful Super halts her instinctive movement and turns to look at her sister in question; only to find that Alex is already shaking her head at her as if she knew what she was about to do.

****

“It'll only happen again tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. As will.....” Keeping a grip on her sister's arm, Alex tugs her along as she begins walking. 

****

Heading quickly out of the office and, avoiding the gaggle of people that have gathered to help red faced Blue Tie clear up the mess he's made, Alex quickly pulls Kara into the ladies toilets. 

****

Heading to the last stall in the row without pause, Alex releases her grip on Kara so that she is able to turn her body and block her sister's view when she employs a brief touch of her super-strength in order to pop the lock from the door. Ensuring the tell-tale ping of the latch snapping is covered by the sound of the next retch the woman in the stall gives, Alex then opens the door slowly. 

****

Still too hesitant with her other powers to attempt using her X ray vision to check she is not about to add concussion to this strangers list of issues, Alex carefully peeks around the edge of the door to ensure the miserable soul currently on her knees is clear before she pushes it all the way open. 

****

Inside, hugging the bowl and looking thoroughly miserable, is a young woman Kara knows to be their newest intern.

****

“What.... what are you doing?” Staring up at them with big, round eyes, the young woman looks mortified to find she has witnesses to her abject humiliation. “This stall is occupied. Get out!”

****

“Kara, this is Olivia”. Ignoring the younger woman's objections, Alex turns to face her sister. “Her boyfriend, Connor, dumped her over the phone twenty minutes ago”. 

****

While Kara throws the kneeling woman a commiserating look and a soft “I'm sorry to hear that” when she lets out a gasp of shock, Alex ploughs ahead with her explanation. 

****

“However, that isn't the reason she's currently throwing her guts up-” glancing down at the woman in question, Alex lifts an eyebrow at the shocked woman “-is it?”

****

Eyes widening at the realisation that Alex KNOWS, Olivia stares at her with distrust apparent in her gaze. “How do you know that I'm....I don't even know you!” 

****

“How do I know that you're pregnant?” Offering a soft smile as she crouches down so that she is on the same eye level as the young woman, Alex speaks gently. “Not only do I know that you're pregnant, Olivia, but I also know that you're carrying twins”.

****

The fear that flashes across the nauseous woman's face is immediate, and her voice is wobbly when she speaks. “You CAN'T know that! I didn't even get the chance to tell Connor before he... and he was the first person I was going to.... how do  _ YOU _ know that?!”

****

Even without listening to the way her heartbeat increases with panic, Alex can tell that the young woman is freaked out by her seemingly impossible feat from the way her pupils dilate and her breathing picks up. 

****

“I'll let you in on a little secret that no one else knows.” Holding her hand up in a placating gesture, Alex keeps her voice soft as she speaks. “I'm Kryptonian, like Supergirl. So I was able to hear their heartbeats”. 

****

_ “What?” _

“Seriously?”

****

Trying not to flinch when she hears her sister's exclamation as well as Olivia's, Alex keeps her eyes trained on the pregnant woman as she nods. “I promise you that I'll make sure you'll looked after, and you'll get all the help you need to raise those two little ones, as long as you can keep my secret between us?” 

****

Nodding shakily, her mind slightly blown by all the events of the last half hour, Olivia stares at Alex with awe. 

****

Kara, peering down at the pale woman, can tell that she has clearly accepted Alex's explanation at face value, which she supposes makes sense if you take into account the fact that no other person knows she is carrying twins, no human at least........ 

****

Which speaking of.

****

“Alex, can I talk to you a minute-” feeling slightly awkward interrupting, given the way the pallid girl is now gazing at her sister like she just hung the moon, Kara indicates with her head for them to leave the bathroom “-out here”. 

****

Watching as Alex whispers a few words to the young woman, which produces a small but genuine smile and eager nod of her head in return, Kara then exits the small room and waits impatiently for her sister to appear. 

****

When Alex exits the bathroom the tense Super rounds on her immediately, only just holding back on biting her head off at full volume at the last moment when she remembers they are still in hearing range of the entire news floor - where multiple reporters would love the scoop about to fall from her lips - and manages to bring it down to an infuriated whisper instead. 

****

“What the HELL, Alex?!” Gesticulating with her hands to make up for her lack of volume, Kara waves wildly as she scolds. “Did something happen at the DEO today? Because you are acting WAY weird! It's like you've absorbed J'onn's mind reading ability, along with premonition powers, and have decided to turn yourself into some kind of crazy fortune teller. If I didn't know you better I'd say you weren't Alex at all, because you are totally not acting like yourself right now!”

****

Remembering how much Kara's overly dramatic side used to make her roll her eyes, Alex can't help but find the way her sister is acting right now adorable, and wraps her arms around her in a careful hug. 

****

“See, this is EXACTLY what I'm talking about, because the Alex I know is way more stoic in public, and.....” 

****

When Kara attempts to shrug her shoulders, to jokingly jostle her sister, only to find she can't move the normally light as a feather woman by more than an inch, her whole body suddenly stills and her eyes swivel to lock onto the side of the redheads face intently.

****

Realising her mistake when the body in her arms tenses like a lion about to strike, Alex stills too. 

****

“Kara, I'm me. You know that, right?” Speaking softly as she slowly retracts her arms, Alex inches back from Kara until she is standing in front of her with a foot wide gap between them. When Kara gives her a frowny, but confirming nod, she lets out a sigh of relief and continues. “Good, because I'm going to need you to remember that when I start explaining”. 

****

Running a hand over her face, not daring to take her hat off yet and run it through her lengthened hair like she really wants to do least that trigger a host of new questions, Alex swallows hard. “Everything I've shown you; all the weird shit you just witnessed, it's going to make sense once I explain what is actually going on with me. I promise.” 

****

Raising an eyebrow in her best 'sceptical reporter' look, Kara scoffs. “I wouldn't be so sure about THAT. This is going to take a pretty big explanation if you ask me”. 

****

Knowing that this is the moment of truth, of whether she is about to get hauled back to a DEO containment cell for the rest of the day or not, Alex takes a deep breath. “I am Alex, but not  _ your _ Alex. I'm..... I'm from the future. Three years, eight months, and sixty two days in the future to be precise, but let's not get tangled up in the details hey....”

****

Wringing her hands together in an attempt to keep herself from reaching for her sister, whose eyes she can see have grown impossibly wide since she started talking, Alex talks as fast as she can in order to get it all out before Kara comes to her senses and punches her through the wall.

****

“In the future something happens to.... to the city, and I... have to become a Kryptonian”. Almost stumbling over her words when she finds can't bring herself to confess to the bubbly woman that all her dreams for the future are cut down in less than short four years, Alex has to pull her eyes away and stare down at her own hands in order to continue. “Cutting a  _ really _ long story short; Lena figures out a way – using your blood – to turn a human into a Kryptonian, and I become a Super to help stop an invasion. Only, I got trapped in some sort of time vortex and ended up here, where I'm being groundhog-day'ed because I don't know how to control all my powers properly yet, and I can't get back to my own time until I learn. I'm desperately trying to work out how to do that Kar, without messing up the timeline, which is why I had you listen to all those people back there. I need you to believe that I'm still your sister, just another  _ version _ of her, and help teach me about my powers so I can get back before I screw up everyone's future!” 

****

After what seems like several minutes of heavy silence, but in actuality is more like a few seconds, Alex finds she can stand Kara's lack of response no longer and flicks her eyes up to try and gauge whether she should be bracing for a painful blow about to land. 

****

When she finds that her sister has a huge grin on her face and is practically vibrating with excitement Alex is caught off-guard, not having expected this response given her previous (violent) reaction to finding out she had powers, and she eyes her warily. “Kara, are.... are you not cross about this?”

“You're.....you're Kryptonian because of MY blood?” Voice squeaky and high, like when she sees a puppy or cute infant, Kara is practically floating off the floor with joy. “Alex, that means you're literally my blood sister as well as my soul sister now!” 

****

Eyes alight with a joy Alex normally sees reserved for ice cream and extra servings of pot stickers, the blonde practically leaps across the space separating the siblings and throws her arms around the redheads shoulders. Squeezing gently to start, as if afraid she might still be able to hurt her, Kara gradually tightens her grip around Alex until the pressure she is exerting would crush any humans bones like a paper bag. 

****

The thought of Winn, still recovering from his near fatal brush with her lack of control, flickers through Alex's mind, and starkly reminds her of why she is in this situation in the first place.

****

“You really believe me?” Whispering hoarsely because her throat is tight with emotion more than the fact that Kara's ear is right next to her lips, Alex questions in a tone of shocked disbelief.  “Because the first time I revealed myself to you, you kinda Hulk smashed me through Lena's office balcony believing I was a shape-shifting imposter”.   

****

“I did what?!” Releasing her hold on Alex enough so that she can pull back and stare at her sister with wide, shocked eyes, Kara looks dumbfounded by the information. “Why would I ever Hulk smash you through.....wait! Why were you at L-Corp? You barely know Lena.”

****

“I don't  _ now _ , no.....”

****

A sheepish look appears on Alex's face then, one Kara knows all too well, and her eyes narrow as she studies her sister even more intently. When she sees the tell-tale signs of a blush tinge her sister cheeks, the blonde's eyes get impossibly big as the pieces click together in her brain. “Alex, you don't mean......?”

****

Squirming under her sister's intense scrutiny, not having meant to reveal quite so much but having forgotten just how good Kara always was at being able to tell what she wasn't saying, Alex knows there is no point in denying it as the day will reset at midnight and the conversation will simply be wiped from existence anyway. 

****

“Lena and I are together in the future”. 

****

If she'd thought the excitement she had seen emanating from her sister at the news she'd become a Kryptonian had been powerful, then the force Alex is witness to now is off the charts! 

****

Letting out a squeal that is high-pitched enough to threaten the safety of every piece of glass within a thousand yards, Kara actually levitates with exuberance and her smile is so wide it makes Alex's jaw ache with the force of it. 

****

Throwing her arms back around her bashful sister, Kara bounces up and down on her toes, jiggling them both, as she babbles at full speed. “Ohmygoshimsohappyforyouboth! Mybigsisterandmybestfriendasacouple! Whatcouldbemoreperfectthanthat?!” 

****

The sheer amount of genuine happiness in her voice makes Alex smile despite her trepidation, because she has always wanted to be able to talk to Kara about her feelings for Lena, and she  brings her arms around the young reporters back in order to return the jubilant embrace. 

****

Just as she does however, she finds Kara pulling away with a gasp.

****

“But if you and Lena are together in the future, then that means you and Maggie must have-” the grimace Alex's face contorts into must convey everything she needs to say, as Kara abruptly bites off the end of her sentence “-oh!”

****

Sighing heavily, Alex pulls off the hat that has been covering her hair and finally gives into the urge to run her hand through it like she has been wanting to do for most of the morning. 

****

Waving off her sister's surprised exclamation about the length of it with a muttered comment about how she should have paid more attention when Kara droned on about what a pain it was trimming her hair, Alex's mind is focused on her explanation. “Soon, in like a week and a bit, Maggie and I are going to stumble onto the subject of kids. And it.... well, it doesn't exactly go the way I thought it would.” 

****

Feeling that familiar knot in her chest when she thinks about herself with a kid, Alex once again wonders if her desire to be a mom will even be possible now that she has powers. 

****

“She doesn't want them, does she?” Kara's tone is soft and understanding, and her eyes shine with compassion as she gazes at her big sister. 

****

“How do you...?” 

****

Seeing the confusion on her face, Kara smiles at Alex gently. “After witnessing the way you were with Olivia just now its not hard to work out that you  _ do _ want kids, and the only thing big enough to split up a couple so head over heels for each other as you two would be a deal-breaker like kids. Therefore its logical that she must be the no”.  

****

Finding herself a little choked up at being reminded just  _ how _ in love with Maggie she was, Alex has to brush away the errant tear that trickles down her right cheek. “There's that big old brain of yours again. Always working.” 

****

“I'm sorry it didn't work out for you guys”. Squeezing Alex's upper arms comfortingly, Kara speaks softly. “But, you have Lena now, right? And  _ she _ wants kids. You're sure?”

****

Remembering the conversation they'd had, in the middle of the woods after sharing a sleeping bag in just their underwear all night, when Lena had confessed she'd taken cooking lessons just so she could be the best mother possible to any potential children she might have on the possibility she would find someone willing to procreate with her, Alex finds her lips curving up into a warm smile. “Yeah, she really does”. 

****

Mirroring her sisters smile, heartened to see how just the mention of the dark-haired CEO could improve her mood, Kara pulls Alex back into a tight embrace. “Oh yay! I'm going to be an Aunt!You've gotta make sure, once we get you back to your own time, that I speak to Clarke about borrowing the birthing chamber”. 

****

This time it is Alex's turn to pull out of the embrace. “The  _ WHAT _ ?”

****

“Do you ever listen to anything I say?” Chuckling at the comically surprised look on her face, Kara rolls her eyes at her sister. “Kryptonians stopped reproducing biologically generations ago. Instead they used birthing matrix's to match couples for optimal DNA pairing, extracted their genetic code using a birthing chamber, and then grew the child to term in it. Clarke had Kalex build a birthing chamber using blueprints he found in the Fortresses memory store a while ago. It's how he and Lois plan to have a baby, given that her human frame would be unable to carry a half Kryptonian to term, when they feel ready”. 

****

Staring at her sister in shocked silence as she digests the news that there is a safe, viable way for Lena and her to have a child that she had no idea about, Alex feels tears begin to well in her eyes. 

****

After Kara's untimely death Clarke had, for a time, tried to look after National City as well as Metropolis as part of his crime fighting duties and, under the ruse of researching a story that required him to remain in town for several weeks that he had concocted with James, moved in with the photographer in order to keep an eye on the newly Super-less City. 

****

When he'd started taking to 'dropping by' the DEO on a more than occasional basis, Alex had realised that he was trying to keep an eye on her out of some misguided sense of loyalty to his cousin.

****

After his third visit in a week, when he'd perched himself on the edge of her table and started fishing for information about the glass of scotch she'd hastily shoved into her drawer the moment her sensors had detected him entering the base (which his damned sensitive Kryptonian nose could no doubt pick up the second he breached the perimeter) and he'd given his best puppy dog expression in a way that too closely resembled a certain blonde while wearing that Rao-forsaken symbol on his chest...... the on edge woman had finally lost her temper and screamed at him to get out. 

****

To get out of her office. 

****

Out of her Facility. 

****

And out of her City. 

****

She'd given him no quarter while unleashing everything that had been building up within her while watching him zip about the city like Kara had always done, seemingly taking her place as easily as if she'd never existed at all, and by the end of it he had looked slightly shell-shocked with it all. 

****

He had packed up and left that night, leaving the defence of National City “In the safe hands of the police and 'Special' Forces that work tirelessly to protect the city that they love” as Superman had been quoted by Catco magazine as saying, then limited contact to security threats only. 

****

It had only been when he'd sought out her permission to leave Earth, using one of the ships Winn and Lena had developed to reach Argo City, that Alex had discovered he and Lois had managed to have a child at all. 

****

Thinking back after, Alex had realised that Lois had looked significantly wider around the middle during Kara's funeral, but she had been too far gone in her grief to connect the dots. She had thought it a good thing her addled mind hadn't been able to see what was right in front of her as, in the haze of bitterness and alcohol she'd been consumed with at the time, she may have said some rather spiteful things that would have driven a permanent wedge between them. 

****

Given how amenable he had been the instant he'd found out about her getting Kara's powers, and offered up the Fortress to try and help her learn to control them, Alex feels glad she had been oblivious to the pregnancy at the time. 

****

“Alex, are you okay?” A gentle hand on her arm stops the emotional woman from thinking about the past – which at this moment is the future to come – and brings her back to the here and now. 

****

Looking up into the concerned eyes of her beloved sibling, Alex can't prevent the stray tears that streak down her cheek as a rush of love overwhelms her, and she impulsively throws her arms around the young reporter in a tight hug. 

****

“Ooof!” Letting out a grunt of surprise when Alex manages to squeeze Kara tight enough to knock the air out of her, the blonde Superhero places her hands on the older Danver's hips in order to steady herself. “You having the ability to toss me on my ass without the assistance of green K is  _ definitely _ going to take some getting used to!”

****

Letting go and stepping back with a gasp, Alex’s hands fly up to her mouth as she realises she'd once again hugged someone without thought to the consequence, and she stares at her sister in horror. “Oh my god, Kara! Did I hurt you?”

****

“Psssh, no! You may be Kryptonian now, but in this regard, I'M the big sister!” 

****

Laughing lightly and waving it off at first, not realising just how deeply affected Alex is by her actions, Kara's humour wanes when she sees true fear for her safety in the redhead's eyes. Frowning, she takes a step towards Alex, intending to place a comforting hand on her arm, but is stopped in her tracks when she sees the usually tactile woman flinch away from her. 

****

“Alex? What's wrong?”

****

“Kara.... I.... I don't want to hurt anyone else.” Shaking badly now, her unconscious action having unlocked all her insecurities and fears about injuring an innocent once again, Alex is barely holding herself together as she stares at her sister in helpless impotence. “Help me....  _ Please. _ ” 

****

****  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo……..
> 
> It's been a while.
> 
> Did this chapter work? I really do think Alex would pick Kara over Lena first, and tried to make their interactions as Danver sister-esque as possible. 
> 
> Let me know what you think. Please x


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After her attempt to convince Kara that she's really Alex - just from the future - and not an imposter, the two have a heart to heart talk. 
> 
> Some weepy times ahead, but Alex gets the much needed moments with her sister she has been craving.
> 
> What decisions will the pair make about how Alex will handle this time loop malarkey?

“Wow. That's......a  **_lot_ ** ”.

 

Staring at her sister with wide eyes as she tries to process everything she's just heard, Kara crosses her arms over her body and hugs herself in an uncharacteristic show of nerves.

 

After Alex had started to meltdown at Catco, when she'd begun to panic about accidentally hugging Kara without thinking about it - and  _ then _ thinking about how she still ran the risk of hurting someone because she wasn't in control of her powers - Kara had managed to hustle Alex back up to the roof without drawing too much undue attention. From there she had been able to convince her freaked out sibling to allow her to fly the pair of them back to her apartment, in order to calm her down in a quiet environment, with the added bonus that  it would also give them a chance to talk properly without the risk of being overheard. 

 

“Is it too much?” Wringing her hands together anxiously as she studies her sisters face, Alex tries to work out if she's made a mistake by telling Kara the truth about the events that led her here. Including the start of it all;  _ Kara's own death _ . 

 

Placing a pot sticker into her mouth and chewing it slowly – as soon as they'd arrived at the apartment Kara had declared Chinese food good for anxiety and promptly rang an order in to her local delivery place - the Girl of Steel doesn't answer immediately and instead seems to ponder the question carefully. 

 

Only after swallowing the tasty morsel does she reply, and with an uncharacteristically sober tone that makes Alex instantly regret not censoring her words. 

 

“It's.....humbling, to know that you only have a limited amount of time left. Even more so to know the  _ actual _ details of your death”. 

 

“I shouldn't have told you!” 

 

Throwing her hands up in the air as she berates herself for not keeping quiet, Alex is about to launch into a diatribe about all the ways she is a dumbass for opening her mouth, when Kara reaches out and gently plucks her wildly waving appendages from the air. 

 

The move jolts Alex out of her head and forces her to  turn her attention to the blonde, where she finds a small smile touching the corners of Kara's lips. “I'm glad you told me, honestly. Thank you”. 

 

Frowning in confusion, Alex blurts out. “Why would you thank me for failing to save your life?”

 

Letting out a long suffering sigh, the one she always gives when Alex is being particularly obtuse about something, Kara also rolls her eyes. “You know it's never been your job to save me, right?”

 

“As not only a member - but Director - of the DEO, yes, yes it has!”

 

“I don't mean that and you know it, you dork!” Giving another eye roll, along with a chuckle this time, Kara lifts her hand and gives her sister a friendly shove. 

 

“It's also in the big sister handbook”. 

 

Eyeing Alex carefully, for she had just voiced the statement as seriously as reciting the constitution, it is Kara's turn to frown. “It is not”. 

 

“It is”. The serious expression on Alex's face remains, and if anything deepens as she talks. “It's on page one. Titled: Don't - under ANY circumstances - let your little sister get killed by a fucking giant abomination from hell”. 

 

“Alex..... Come on now. You didn't  _ let _ me get killed” Scooting closer so she can wrap her arms around her big sister, Kara envelopes the suddenly tearful redhead in a warm embrace. “From what I just heard, it sounds like you yourself almost died several times trying to fight this thing”.

 

Sinking into the security of the hug without hesitation, having missed the way Kara's strong arms around her always made her feel safe and secure, Alex inhales deeply and finds that the familiar scent unique to her sister fills her olfactory senses in a manner that works to slowly calm her pounding heart.

 

“It... it  _ broke _ me, Kara”. Gripping the material of Kara's light blue cardigan tight between her fingers as she presses into the firm form of the younger woman, Alex fights to keep control of her composure as she talks. “Losing you? I.... I don't think I'm strong enough to endure it again”. 

 

“I'm right here, okay?” Making hushing noises as she rubs soothing circles over Alex's back, Kara places a soft kiss on her temple. “You have me, and I'm not going anywhere”. 

 

Pulling back, out of Kara's arms, Alex sits up so that she can stare at her sister with sad eyes. “I only have  _ you _ until midnight, and then everything we've done today; every conversation we've had and interaction we've made, gets erased. How am I supposed to go through the process of convincing you who I am everyday, AND get a decent amount of training done, when all I want to do is hug you and never let go?”

 

Offering her a small smile, Kara twists so she can take her sister's hands in her own. “It's simple. You don't”. 

 

“What?” Scrunching her brows together in confusion, Alex tries to work out what Kara means. “Don't stop hugging you?”

 

“Aren't blondes meant to be the ones slow on the uptake?” Chuckling softly, Kara squeezes the slightly trembling hands cradled within her own. “No, dummy. I mean don't try and convince me every day”. 

 

“But, how you going to train.....?”

 

“I'm not”. Seeing her older sibling's expression start to crumple, Kara quickly continues. “Because Lena is”. 

 

“Wha..... What?” Almost choking on her tongue as she swallows hard in surprise, Alex's eyes grow  wide as she stares at Kara. “I'm not.... I mean, I  _ can't _ .....” Stopping to glare at her sister in frustration, and slight panic, she stresses. “I can't risk the timeline!”

 

“You said the day always resets at midnight, so the timeline is fine. It has to be, or you'd never risk having this conversation with me right now”. 

 

Rolling her eyes in frustration, Alex pulls her hands loose of Kara's hold in order to wave them about as she counter-argues. “How many times have we watched Groundhog Day together Kar? You know that Phil thought the  _ exact _ same thing, right up until he woke to find Rita in his bed the day after everything was supposed to reset!!”

 

Arching an eyebrow as she gives a mischievous look, Kara queries. “Would you be complaining if Lena suddenly appeared in your bed?”

 

“That's not the point I'm trying to make!” Flushing bright red as the image of a naked and dishevelled Lena – complete with heaving chest and post orgasm breathing - suddenly pops up in her mind, Alex berates her sister. “ What I am  _ trying _ to illustrate, is that he had no clue that his 'task' was complete and that his time loop had been broken. What if I think I'm safe to reveal my identity to Lena, believing I still have several more days or weeks until I'm fully ready, but in fact the spell Mxyzptlk cast deems me ready and I'm transported back to my time instead of to another loop at the end of the day? I would have monumentally upset the balance of the timeline, and potentially caused untold changes to god knows how many lives in the process”. 

 

“What is it you're really scared of changing?” After years of being attuned to her sisters moods, Kara is able to sense that the real reason for Alex's hesitation is yet to be forthcoming from the newly formed Super, and she is proved right when she sees Alex take a long swallow from her bottle of beer, a delaying tactic as the alcohol has no effect on her now, so keeps her eyes firmly locked on the reluctant woman until she finally caves. 

 

“YOU, KARA! It's you that I'm scared of changing!”

 

Unable to fight the overpoweringly strong combination of Eliza's 'Tell me now and you won't be in further trouble' stare, mixed with Kara's own 'Puppy Eyes', Alex blurts out the fear that she has been harbouring ever since realising what Mxyzptlk's spell had done. Slapping her hands over her mouth as soon as the words are out, as if to stop the flow of even more truths from spilling out, Alex eventually talks through her fingers in a hushed whisper as tears gather in her eyes. 

 

“I'm terrified that if I spend time with Lena...... I won't be able to stop myself from telling her how to save you, Kara. Because I really,  _ really _ , don't want to go back to a world where you're not there”.

 

“Oh, Alex -” reaching out to wrap her arms around her sisters shoulders, Kara speaks around the lump that has formed in her throat “-I will always be with you, because you have a part of me contained within you now. My powers are  _ your _ powers, and I'm so glad you are the one to keep my legacy going”. 

 

“I want  _ you _ to carry on your legacy, not me. It wasn't supposed to be this way!”Allowing herself to be pulled into the familiar comfort of Kara's embrace, Alex sobs with all the heartbreak she had on that awful day. “Lena  _ can _ save you, Kar. Last time she just discovered the solution too late, but if I.....”

 

“No”. 

 

Pulling back in surprise when the firm tone rumbles out of her sister's chest, Alex frowns up at her sister in consternation. “But she can save your life....”

 

“I said no, Alex”.

 

Softening her tone at the end when she sees tears gather once more in her older siblings eyes, Kara picks up Alex's hand and gently threads their fingers together.

 

“All those times I visited the hospital at Supergirl, trying to cheer people up while they were going through their treatments, yet I don't think I ever truly realised just  _ how _ brave they really were until now”.

 

“What do you mean?” Frown deepening as she doesn't understand the tangent her sister seems to be taking, Alex is nevertheless willing to listen to the explanation as it clearly means something to Kara. 

 

“Some of them knew they were going to  _ die _ , Alex-” the pain in Kara’s voice is clear, and it sends a streak of sympathy through Alex's heart that causes her to squeeze her fingers around Kara's immediately  “-because they told me their treatments weren't working”. 

 

Clinging to her sisters hand like a lifeline, the normally strong and sunny hero finds herself with   liquid gleaming in her eyes as she remembers the faces of the patients she had spoken with during her numerous visits. 

 

“They told me they were doing it to give their families hope, so that they wouldn't get sad, because the sight of their loved ones tears was more painful than another round of chemo”. Shaking her head as if the idea had been hard to fathom at the time, Kara pulls back to look at Alex with incredulous eyes. “The way they described their pain? It... it was so similar to what I feel when exposed to green Kryptonite that I just...I couldn't understand why they would willingly put themselves through the pain of it, Alex. The thought of feeling that way for the small of time you have left? It was terrifying to me!”

 

Alex can tell how emotional Kara is getting while telling the story, as the rapid rise and fall of her chest as she breathes deeply is plain to see, and she squeezes her hand gently in support. “You're right. They sound very brave indeed”. 

  
  


 Yet they never let their light dim, not even a fraction, despite facing each day with the knowledge that it could be their last”. A wavery smile lifts Kara's lips, as a tear breaks free to slip down her left cheek. “They are  **_real_ ** heroes, Alex, and I can only hope that by refusing to turn away from  _ my _ fate, I can hope to live up to that kind of bravery”. 

 

Finally realizing where the seemingly random story has taken them, Alex lets out a gasp as she shakes her head adamantly. “Kara, no! Those people had terminal illnesses! They didn't have a choice about their fate, but you do!”

 

“And I choose not to run from it”.Cupping her sister's face softly between her hands, as if to try and calm her troubled mind, Kara offers her a sweet smile. “Besides, the only way you got Lena Luthor naked and into a sleeping bag with you was over my dead body”.

 

Chuckling at her own dark humor, Kara waggles her eyebrows in a ridiculous manner to try and make Alex laugh, but the morose woman fails to see the funny side. 

 

“Kara, be serious!” 

 

The plea in Alex's voice is clear, so the blonde Super drops her goofball act in favor of a soft look. “I am being serious. You have a good thing going with Lena, and if anyone deserves a shot at happiness, it's you two”.  

 

“I just..... I love you so much, Kara. I don't know if I can survive losing you all over again”. 

 

Hearing the rawness of Alex's pain is like a Kryptonite shard to the gut, and Kara has to fight back her own tears as she wipes away the ones that are slowly trailing down her sister's face. Her heart aches for everything this battle damaged version of the woman she adores more than any other person in the galaxy has endured, and wishes more than anything that she could ease her suffering somehow, but she knows that changing the timeline would be intrinsically selfish and dangerous to do. 

 

“But you also love Lena, and a future where I live means a future where you two might not get together”. 

 

“I... I never said.... When I was telling you about... us. I never said that I.....” 

 

“You didn't have to, it was written as plain as day all over you face as you spoke about her”. Shaking her head gently, as if any sudden movement might spook Alex into bolting like a startled animal, Kara talks softly too. “You love her, Alex, and if I know Lena the way I think I do, she loves you just as much. I'm not going to risk your happiness, and future family, on something that the fates have already decided should be my destiny”. 

 

“I don't give a shit about destiny, Kara, I care about _you..._ **living** -” lifting her hands to curl around Kara's wrists, Alex pulls the hands cradling her face away slowly as she stares at her sister with determination “-and I would walk through fire, traverse the underworld, OR give up my chance of happiness in order to make that happen. You are EVERYTHING to me, Kara, don't you know that?” 

 

“You can't tell her, Alex. You know you can't. It would be going against every moral code you believe in”.

 

“I believe in protecting my family!” 

 

The level of anger Alex directs at Kara is intense, and on any other person (except Lena) it would have been successful at sending them scurrying for cover with their tail between their legs, but the  'well versed in how to decode her sister's glares' sibling merely gives a gentle smile as she sees the pain it is attempting to mask. 

 

“Lena is your family now. Protect her by completing your training and returning to your present so that the two of you can begin to write the first chapter in  _ your _ happily ever after”. 

 

Before Alex can respond there is a quiet chime from the clock on the mantelpiece and it draws both women's attention to it. When they see that time has slipped away from them and it is now midnight their expressions – one of surprise and the other of panic – mirror their words.

 

“ _ Wow, how did it get so late? _ ”

“Nonononononono NO!! I need more time!!!”

 

Head swivelling about wildly as she takes in the purple mist slowly beginning to creep into the room, Alex feels her chest grow tight even as her breath speeds up. Her hands tighten instinctively on Kara's arms, so suddenly that she sees the other girl actually wince with the strength behind it, and she pulls Kara towards her; as if her proximity can somehow ward of what is about to happen. “I would willingly give up every second of my future happiness if it means you don't have to die, Kara, don't you know that by now?!”

 

Pulled so close to the frantic woman that she is practically in her lap, Kara can see the truth in Alex's eyes as clearly as she hears it with every raw syllable her sister speaks. All are unneeded for Kara, as Alex has proven time and again that she has been willing to sacrifice herself in order to protect her, and she once more lifts her hands to cup her sister’s face with gentle fingers. 

 

As the mist continues its inexorable crawl towards them, unseen by the blonde Super currently gazing into her beloved sisters tumultuous eyes, Kara caresses the soft skin under her thumb as if for the last time. “I know you would, Alex, and I love you so very much for it. But I'm going to need you to promise me that you won't interfere with my fate, or  _ yours _ , just to try and do something dumb like save my life”. 

 

“Kara please, I …..” 

 

“No!” Giving her own head a small but firm shake, trying to ignore the tears once more cascading down from pleading brown orbs, Kara swallows hard before she continues to speak. “You deserve to be with Lena, Alex, and lord knows that woman needs some happiness in her life too. Promise me that you will do nothing but master your powers and return to the future so you guys can live your lives with the adorable kid you're going to have together.... whom will of course be named after her kick ass Auntie Kara!”

 

The last part is said with a cheeky smile, and the addition of the small curse makes it so surprising to Alex that she actually lets out a hiccupy laugh even as a slew of new tears escape at the thought of honouring her sister in such a beautiful way. “But.....  _ you _ could live....”

 

“Promise me, or I will  **_never_ ** forgive you!” The look on Kara''s face changes in an instant. 

 

Where before there had been the soft and compassionate look of the understanding sister Alex had come to rely on in adulthood, now there is the stubborn and obstinate look of teenage Kara that Alex had loathed when she'd first been lumbered with a new 'sibling'. 

 

The look tells Alex that Kara intends to keep her grudge for as long as possible if she doesn't promise, and could quite feasibly do the impossible by remembering it past the time loop with the amount of sheer brute force the redhead knows the stubborn Super possesses, and the thought of doing more potential damage to the timeline scares her enough into backing down immediately.

 

“Alright, I promise!” Eyes darting frantically to the mist that is almost upon them, Alex's voice is high and reedy with panic as she throws her arms around Kara for one last desperate hug. “I won't tell Lena, no matter how much I might want to”. 

 

“Thank you”. Hugging her back tightly, thankful that for once she doesn't have to hold back her strength and can put her all into the embrace, Kara whispers into her sister’s ear. “But remember not to close yourself off with Lena either. You need to be as open with her as you can in order to gain her trust and get her to help you”. 

 

As her eyes are squeezed tight to try and prevent her tears from falling, Alex misses the moment when the mist finally sweeps up to engulf the pair of them, but her heightened senses register it the instant her surroundings change. 

 

Her ears pick up the way the gentle hum of Kara's apartment – complete with background noise from her refrigerator and lights – switches to the much louder bustle of multitudes of conversations and vehicles, her nose registers the change from Kara's soft perfume to the mix of outdoorsy smells,  yet it is the change made to her sense of touch that affects her the most of all. 

 

Whereas a heartbeat ago her arms had been filled with the solid shape of her beloved sister, as strong as steel and vibrant with life, now they contain nothing but air, and the absence of Kara's warm body pressed against her own causes Alex to collapse to the ground instantly. 

 

The tears she had been holding back now fall freely down her face as sobs rack her chest with the empty feeling tearing at her heart, and she wails brokenly into the earthy green grass beneath her.

 

It is only when a tentative voice from a worried member of the public, asking her if she is okay, that Alex remembers that she is in the middle of a park.

 

Instead of acknowledging their question she simply uses her powers to launch herself straight up into the sky, justifying her actions to herself by thinking that if the worst comes to worst and she ends up in a DEO cell again she can always write off today and start again tomorrow, then once high enough she navigates herself through the city with bleary eyes. 

  
  


After a short flight she lands on the familiar balcony lightly, and Alex finds herself looking in at Lena typing away diligently at her computer. 

 

The sight makes her smile even as her chest tightens, for it is a familiar one. There had been many a night when she'd stayed over at Lena's place that she'd awoken in the early hours and, hearing the faint, unmistakable clack of nails on a keyboard, she'd padded out to discover the workaholic hunched over her laptop in her office as she finished some “urgent” business that was preventing her from sleeping.  

Gritting her teeth against the urge to slip away quietly and leave the unaware woman in peace, Alex raps her knuckles against the glass before she loses her nerve. 

 

Wincing slightly when she sees the unexpected noise makes Lena jump, Alex silently curses herself for her tactlessness. However, she doesn't have time to do much else as Lena is swivelling around in her seat to face the window, and the second she spots Alex - who has chosen not to activate her suit so is therefore not disguised - her eyes widen to almost comical proportions, and she stands up to head over and unlock the door immediately 

 

“Agent Danvers, did Supergirl just drop you off?” Eyes alight with curiosity as she smiles  at the casually dressed agent, Lena’s expression changes to a frown when she registers the clearly distressed state Alex is in. “Has something happened to Kara?” 

 

“Kara is fine-” quick to reassure when she sees the worry in Lena's eyes, Alex can't help the silent  'for now' that whispers in the back of her mind as she speaks about her sister “-and Supergirl didn't need to bring me-” taking a deep breath, she looks Lena square in the eye as she deliberately hovers an inch off the floor “-because I have my own powers. Powers I need  _ your _ help with”.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys.
> 
> As usual, this has taken me WAY longer than I would have liked to finish, and I appreciate your patience. 
> 
> A shoutout to QueergirlElle for been an all-round awesome person, and a continuing source of inspiration x
> 
> As ever, please do let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> So, what did you think? 
> 
> Please let me know. Comments give me life, and I need it in order to write!
> 
> I will always respond to comments too, so tell me your fav (or worst) bits.


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